Kill Bvill v1
Chapter One:
"2"
Some Random Californian Town/City
A bright neon truck screeches to a halt in front of a colourful suburban home. The door opens, and a yellow clad leg emerges...
DUM DUM DUUUUMM!
It is a woman who looks like The Crazed Uma Thurman Look Alike, except she isn't! She is really The Crazed Wannabe Uma Thurman Look Alike (Kyle) (henceforth referred to as TCWUTLA). She walks along the stone path toward the colourful suburban home, tense and ready for battle. She extends a long, bony finger toward the doorbell. She rings it.
"Just a minute!...I swear, Susan, you are too earl-"
As she opens the door, the woman is cut off by TCWUTLA punching her in the face. She recovers immediately, backing up to avoid a lunge by TCWUTLA. They move inside her home, and TCWUTLA slams the door shut with her leg. The two crazed people begin to battle...all over the floor, the walls, and even the ceiling.
They move into the living room of the home, and proceed to avoid each other's attacks and effeciently demolish the furnishings of the room. After all furnishings and decor of the room are smashed to little smidgins on the floor, they move their battle to the kitchen, pretending to be focused on each other.
The woman grabs a knife off the cupboard as TCWUTLA draws her own dagger. They both begin to swipe maliciously at each other, missing each time. Suddenly, TCWUTLA extends her freakishly long bony leg to kick the woman square in the face, and she falls back toward the sink, unknowingly turning on the faucet.
The showerlike extendo-reach nozzel of the kitchen tap begins to spray water into the sink, and the woman accidentally makes it unhooked. Like a shower nozzel, the extendo-reach showerhead sprayer for the kitchen sink begins to wildly spray water all over the kitchen.
SLOW MOTION
The woman regains balance, and tilts her head. She flips her soaking wet, long black hair, and gets some water on TCWUTLA's yellow biker jumpsuit thing. She gives our TCWUTLA a look of erotic lust, and begins to slowly flip her hair (and this is already in slow motion, so her flipping is SLOW!). She places her kitchen knife on the kitchen counter and picks up the wriggling extendo-reach showerhead sprayer for the kitchen sink, and holds it above her chest. Slowly, each droplet of water falls onto her chest, running down her body onto the floor... her blue sweater jacket and white shirt underneath are soaking wet now, and so are her blue jogging pants...
TCWUTLA, please! Regain yourself!
Sorry...
NORMAL SPEED
The woman turns and shuts off the extendo-reach showerhead sprayer for the kitchen sink, and picks up her knife. She is dripping wet, clothes clinging to her black skinned body, black hair a wet mess around her face...
"Ready bitch?"
"It all depends- when do you want to die? Tomorrow? The day after tomorrow?"
"How about right now, bitch?"
"Splendid, where?"
"How about one of the only rooms in my meager house left undemolished by our titanic battle?"
"Ok, black woman, let's go."
"Wait, I'm not a woman, nor am I black. God, ho bitch.."
"Excuse me? I am also a male. I may look like The Crazed Uma Thurman
Look Alike (henceforth referred to as TCUTLA), who is a woman, but I am not. I am The Crazed Wannabe Uma Thurman Look Alike (Henceforth referred to as TCWUTLA). And I am male. A male with long hair... long black hair... What about you?"
"I'm a single white male, who enjoys long walks on the beach, squishing helpless flies, and hiring random celebrity look-alikes to kill my best friends..."
"Wait! Gasp! That means a seizure-inducing red in-and-out zooming sequence is about to occurr!"
MARC
MEMBER
OF:
THE FATAL COBRA FANFICTION SQUAD
CODENAME: Nineteenth
Angel
"Whatever... want some coffee?"
"Whoa, what's with the bi-polar mood swing? Yeah, I'd love some coffee."
TCWUTLA leans against a random counter, as the dripping wet non-black, male begins to pour coffee.
"Cream and sugar?"
"Doesn't matter- like a good assassin, I will only pretend to drink what you offer me- obviously you have ample opportunity to poison it-"
"So what then? Cream and sugar?"
"What the hell- sure."
Marc finishes preparing coffee for both of them, and hands TCWUTLA a steaming mug. Like previously stated, TCWUTLA pretends to sip the coffee, then ignores it.
"You're a really good writer. Bvill told me you'd be good, but I never knew you were that good."
"Yeah well I try."
"Bvill also tells me that you finished off Helen and her Krazy 88. This is true?"
"Of course."
"Yes, well, they were ruining fanfiction for us all anyway- wasting so many chapters on the hundred plus of the same person..."
"Ya, try being in those chapters against them- it gets very repetitive... I never wanna hear the name 'Tom' again..."
"We gotta finish this."
"I know. It all depends. When do you want to die? Tomorrow? The day after tomorrow?"
"How about tonight bitch."
"Splendid, where?"
"There's a small internet cafe where some of the locals write their 'normal fiction'- not worthy of a fanfiction battle, but it should do."
"Fine. Weapon of choice?"
"I'll bring my knife."
"You always were the best with that sharp blade- whether a pen or a knife."
"Alright then. Anyways, are you hungry?"
"No."
Marc turns to open a cupboard, still dripping wet.
"Y'know it really is a shame. We coulda used you on our team. You really
are a good fanfiction writer."
"Yeah, well, your leader should have read the Author Notes."
Marc pulls out a box of Yu-Gi-O's (a rip off, I know, but I couldn't resist). Reaching for a bowl, the small, rat-like male succeeds in getting a red one off the top shelf. Pouring some cereal, he turns to TCWUTLA.
"Yeah, it really is a shame. You were a good fanfiction wri-"
BANG!
Marc shoots at TCWUTLA from the pistol craftily hidden in the Yu-Gi-O's box (talk about a prize in every box...). However, his aim is crappy, due to the fact that he was still soaking wet from the extendo-reach showerhead sprayer for the kitchen sink experience. TCWUTLA is startled by this random cheap shot (literally) and drops to the floor, swiftly withdrawing his concealed dagger from the pant leg of his yellow jump suit. In one fluid motion, he throws the dagger at Marc, lodging it deep in his jugular...wait...that word is too funny sounding...jugular...jug-ular...
In one fluid motion, he throws the dagger at Marc, lodging it deep in his scrawny rat-neck. His blood begins to pulsate out of the torn hole in his neck, and onto his wet jacket/white tee.
TCWUTLA walks over to the dead Marc, and withdraws the blade from his neck. Wiping it on Marc's wet jacket, TCWUTLA walks out of the kitchen, through the shattered living room, and out the door, towards the waiting neon truck, the "Random Wagon". Sitting in the driver's seat of the truck, TCWUTLA reaches for a random notebook, purchased with random money that TCWUTLA didn't have. He flips it open to reveal a page with a list. A very important list. A list like no other...alright, it's like the list from Kill Bill, and from Kill Phil, but here it goes:
DEATH
LIST TWENTY-AND-A-HALF:
Helen X
Marc X
Nancy
Tom
Adam
Bvill
And so it was done. Person two of my death list of 6 was ticked off. Ticked off as in crossed off the list- I had already managed to tick off everyone on the Fatal Cobra Fanfiction Squad. I still had a long, long way to go, until I reached Bvill, but for now I soaked up my fresh kill.
I had just killed Marc, and I had killed Helen by this point. Locating Helen was the simple part- when one becomes the foremost of anime collectors in the world, one doesn't hesitate to keep it silent. She ruled the Tokyo underworld of anime, so she was easiest to find. And, in a time when I knew least about my enemies, I knew the most about her...
Now, I will break into her story shortly (well, not really shorty, as there is like some more chapters to go...) but first, I must tell you a prelude, something to let you know how I... tick. Does this have a point? No. It does, however, coincide with the tales of Kill Bill and Kill Phil, so I must include it in this saga. I can't tell you, as it would only take up half a chapter. Instead, I will show you...