Disclaimer: Don't own Teen Titans…

A big thanks to everyone who reviewed! It really does help me feel the story is worth continuing when I get input (hint hint)

A/N: Mmm, just to clear up something---Raven has been meeting up with Malvern for a few months now, and he's not exactly the most stable of people. I should have probably eluded to that more, but he's been feeding to Raven that she's absolutely nothing, and, even though she's a smart girl, with her situation she has fallen for it…

Hehe, well with that said, on to the story!

---

Raven was just flying. She had no purpose, no destination, other then to get as far away as she could before she collapsed from simple exhaustion.

Beast Boy had heard everything.

He had been spying on her. He had followed her into the library, listening for who knows how long, hearing things that Raven swore she would never reveal to her fellow Titans. They would never understand…how could they understand? Malvern, her own emotions…they would just be shrugged aside as they failed to see how much of it was true, how alone she really was. Would he tell them what had happened?

And why did a part of her feel relieved?

She was angry at his betrayal…but at the same time, there was a tiny part of her that was happy that he had come…that he had stopped Malvern. If he hadn't of come…Shaking her head, she got rid of those thoughts. If he hadn't of come, she might have been able to finally have peace. She might have been able to finally have the satisfaction that she ruined her father's chances of appearing in this world.

Malvern. Fear hit her as she finally thought of him, laying there unconscious on the floor. Would he blame her? Would he stop talking to her? Forcing herself to remain calm, she chided her thoughts. If he stopped talking to her, it would just prove how alone she really was. And if he blamed her…she did deserve the blame.

She watched as the stars slowly broke free in the darkening world, as the sun finally made its way passed the horizon, to a place still warm and happy. The darkness welcomed her readily, the stars mocking her form with pale light. The sun was now beyond her.

She really was nothing more then a shadow.

---

Beast Boy was not about to help the guy who had pulled a knife on Raven. Looking over the body, he felt himself filled with anger once again, anger at what he had done, and also over how Raven had reacted. Kicking the boy as hard as he could in his human form, he finally stomped out the private room, fuming. And then, as quickly as his outburst came, his shoulders slumped forward and his expression twisted to that of worry.

Raven…

Maybe she had gone back to Titan Tower. Maybe she just needed some time to sort things out. He was sure that she'd see that what he did was the right thing, and then she would no longer be mad at him. If she didn't hate him, that is.

Still as mixed up as before, he hurried back to the tower, not sure what he would do once he got there. Should he tell everyone what had happened? Or should he go find Raven first and try to talk things out? Or should he--- So many options ran through his mind that he had to force himself not to start banging his head on the tower's wall. He stepped inside, and noted instantly that everyone was already back from pizza.

"Hey man, where were you?" Cyborg asked as he entered the living room. The three of them were watching some action packed ninja movie. "Decided my record was just too hard to beat?"

"Uh huh, yah." Beast Boy hardly noticed the question, too lost in his own thoughts. What should he do? The three of them exchanged a look.

"Friend, what might be the matter?" Starfire flew over to him first, landing beside him. "You look troubled?"

"Did something happen?" Robin questioned seriously, his eyes narrowing as he made a mental list of everything that could have been bothering their normally cheerful friend. Beast Boy, aware the three of them were worried, gave a big smile and mustered a tight laugh.

"Oh you know, girl troubles."

"What? You don't have any girls to have trouble with." Cyborg laughed.

"Pfft, whatever, you know I'm a stud." His words were normal enough, but he couldn't muster the cocky attitude he typically had when boasting about himself. Should I tell them that Raven's been being hurt by some guy at the library? Or should I not? He just wasn't sure which would help more. Would Raven hate me forever if I did? That was the big question.

He shook his head. This wasn't the time to be selfish. Raven needed help. But, but…a part of him whimpered as soon as he let that thought cross his mind. Maybe if I could find her, then I could talk to her…

"Um….do you want to talk about something?" Robin asked after a moment.

"YES!" Before he could stop himself, he had yelled out the magic word. But the moment he said that, he regretted it. No, no, say nothing. Just find her. Part of him was shouting. You can't keep a secret anyway, so might as well spill the beans. His reasonable half persuaded.

"…and that would be?"

"Well…" He searched for words, about to say exactly what had happened, when finally he gave into his protesting heart. So he smudged the details a bit. "Raven's pretty upset with me…"

---

Finally, her magic was reaching its limit. Drained, tired, and very much alone, she gave up her desperate attempt to get away and landed in the midst of a vast field of grass. She didn't know how far she had gone, or, even where exactly she was. But it didn't matter.

A part of her never wanted to return.

It was ridiculous for her not to. She'd be overreacting to the situation, and she wasn't one to overreact…but…if she returned, and everyone knew how truly dark and terrible she really was…she'd loose whatever semblance of friends she ever had.

Everything had become so complicated. It had always been complicated, only now it was more so. And she could do nothing to change it. Looking around herself, she felt for the first time a sort of peace she wasn't use to. No one around to bother her. No one around to make her feel alone. Ironic, that in being completely alone, she felt less alone then she had been in a long time.

Maybe her emotional state was still off balance.

I could stay here forever...maybe it's for the best. Who really needed her? Malvern did…as soon as the thought crossed her mind, her eyes narrowed as she knew that she had to go back. But not yet.

Doing what she did best, she sat cross-legged on the ground, and began to meditate.

---

Cyborg groaned. "What did you do this time?" Robin was also sighing, seeming to find the excuse reason enough for Beast Boy to be upset. The boy ticking off Raven wasn't that much of a surprise.

"Just being my nosy self—you know how she is about privacy." The changeling let of a nervous laugh. "But seriously, could you help me find her?"

"Is she not in her room?" Starfire asked.

"To be honest, I haven't really checked." He admitted.

Cyborg was busy looking at his scanners on his arm, trying to detect her in the nearby vicinity. "Wow, I don't think she's in Jump City." He finally commented. Robin sighed and walked to the main computer, where he busily started to search for her coordinates. Beast Boy followed him quickly, watching as the leader's expression slowly become more serious at as he kept widening the search. As leader of the Teen Titans, he didn't like not knowing where one of the members were.

What if she…Beast Boy couldn't finish the thought. Suddenly, probably the happiest thing he had heard all day, Robin pointed up to a flashing light and announced "She's about 30 miles north of here." Cyborg looked at that distance with mock appreciation.

"Now, what was it you did again?"

"Eeehhh, never mind that---I'll go get her." Robin shook his head at him.

"I don't know what happened, but if she's mad enough to go all the way out there, maybe its best to let her simmer a bit." He pointed out. "Or let one of us go get her."

"But, have to go so I can apologize and get back on her good side, and—" Why did his arguments sound so much more valid in his head then actually spoken? Despite the lack of eloquence in his reasoning, Robin thought for a moment, then shrugged.

"Go for it."

"You can count on me." He gave a salute to the team and rushed towards the door. He had to get her back. He had to find out why she let that guy hurt her like that…and what she meant when she agreed that she was 'black to the core.'

"We'll be monitoring your location over the computers, so if she starts running away from you, one of us can try our luck." The other titan finished.

"Come on, have a little faith in me? Who can resist this adorable face of mine?" Beast Boy smiled, pointing to his cheeks.

"Um, I'd say the girl that flew 30 miles in the opposite direction." Cyborg commented, deflating Beast Boys momentary pride. Not that it took too much to deflate it, since everything Cyborg said was true. Worry flickered in his eyes, but he forced himself not to think too much on it yet.

"Friend, be safe, and bring Raven home quickly!" Starfire called to him, looking somewhat disgruntled they all weren't going.

"Will do!" He darted out the door and became a large bird, soaring through the air. 30 miles…that's really far..

---

Raven wasn't sure how long she had been sitting there, meditating; in some field in the middle of know where. Her emotions were erratic, and it had been taking all her focus to even keep them in check. With both Beast Boy's interruption and Malvern's proposal, she had a lot on her mind. And she wasn't sure what to do.

She was attacking each problem as she came to them, but she didn't know the answer to many of them. Did she really want to die? Would she have let Malvern continue? A part of her said she would have, because if he felt she deserved to die, then maybe she did deserve it. Was she still upset at Beast Boy? A little, but, she knew he was trying to help. He might be more of a hindrance then a help, but the thought was there.

Maybe she did want to die. She just wasn't sure anymore.

Alone in her thoughts. Alone with her friends. Alone from even her emotions. She didn't have to take this. She didn't have to…Shaking her head, she tried to logically reason with her thoughts. She wasn't going to let herself be so succumbed to her emotions.

The sound of wings reverberated in her ear, and she didn't have to open her eyes to know that Beast Boy was there. How he had found her, she could care less.

"What are you doing here?" She said icily.

"I, well, you know…" He seemed to be at a loss for words. He was breathing heavily, obviously tired from the long flight. "Just wanted to get some fresh air—who would have thought we would choose the same spot!" The boy laughed, but his laughter was high and nervous. Raven recalled the slap earlier. He probably was afraid she might snap and do the same thing again.

"I let my emotions control me." She said after a moment. "I'm sorry I reacted the way I did."

"It's okay." He said after a moment. "But…why did you let that guy do that to you?"

"Do what?" She said darkly. He reached down and grabbed her hand, where her cut had already stopped bleeding.

"This!" He said loudly.

"It's nothing." Controlling her emotions, she forced the words to be as cold as ever. She let him do it because she had to. She let him do it because she wanted him to do. A part of her wanted it. She needed him. Beast Boy wouldn't understand that.

"Raven, I don't know what kind of crap the guys feeding you, but you aren't a bad person." His words were surprisingly serious for his normal carefree nature.

"And what do you know about me?" He didn't know anything.

"You really don't want to die, do you?" He tried again, looking at her in an almost pleading fashion. She didn't answer, merely looked up into the sky.

"Don't pretend you know me." When she finally spoke, her words were cold and uncaring. You don't want to die…a part of her mind agreed with the green changeling. She didn't know what she wanted anymore. She deserved to die…so maybe wanting to live was merely a selfish request.

"I'm not trying to." He stepped in front of her, looking down at her square in the eyes. "Come on Rae, I'm your friend. If you want to talk I'm here for you. In fact, every time you feel down or mad, you can slap me. How about that? I can be like your walking punching bag!" He smiled a toothy grin at her. "Just…don't let him hurt you." The last words were quiet and rushed.

She shook her head at him. I can't promise something like that… He was being so nice to her…again something she really didn't deserve. And it was stirring up something inside of her, just confusing her already tired mind more. Sighing, she stood up. "Let's go back to the Tower."

"Eh heh…mind if we rest a bit first?"

---

She missed going to the library the next day. It wasn't intentional…the people of the city needed saving and they were the ones for the job. Raven still didn't know if Malvern was mad at her or not, or what he thought about suddenly falling unconscious. Beast Boy hovered near her whenever she left her room, appearing to be trying to distract her mind with jokes and random comments. Not that that helped.

The day after though, she was determined to go. She had to see Malvern.

Walking towards the door, she paused only for a moment to see Cyborg and Beast Boy once again at it on their video games. She didn't know how they could have the energy to simply stare in front of that screen all day, bashing each other with friendly insults. "I'm right on your tail—feeling nervous yet?" Cyborg announced, pounding buttons on his controller.

"Eat my dust—you're no match for me!" Came the retort. A few seconds later, things seemed to have turned for the poor changeling.

"Booyah!" Cyborg called, looking at the screen with even more determination. Raven let out a sigh and continued on her way. Only to have Beast Boy very suddenly in front of her.

The single part of her body that showed shock was the brief widening of her eyes. How he got there so fast, she didn't know.

Cyborg, however, was less then impressed. "Hey man! Just because you are loosing doesn't mean you can just get up and leave!"

"Where yah going Rae?" He said, overly innocently, ignoring Cyborg's words in the background. She just stared at him.

"Where I always go."

"Library! Oh good, because I need to go too."

"You, go to the library?" Cyborg interjected. Again, Beast Boy pretended not to hear him.

"I'm going alone."

"Nuh uh." He shook one finger at her. Despite her efforts, she was starting to become annoyed.

"I don't want you to come with me." Her eyes were starting to darken. She had to go see Malvern.

"And miss the pleasure of my company?" He said brightly, irritating her even further. She knew what he was doing. And he knew what he was doing. Black tentacles of magic flashed around her, and he took a step back, momentarily looking unsure at his stand. "I'm not letting you go alone." He said simply. This was becoming difficult. She could very easily knock him aside, but he knew where she was going.

"Whatever." She finally muttered, turning around. "I'm going back to my room." She felt like she was some rebellious teenager, caught by her parents for sneaking out. Still…she was no ordinary teenager. And he should know better then to mess with her. She did return to her room, but she simply summoned black magic to her hands and opened a portal through her wall, stepping through it to the outside beyond. And then she was off.

---

"What was that all about?" Cyborg looked incredulously as Beast Boy, quite proud by his efforts, sat down beside him.

"She sooo backed down. Did you see that?" He gloated.

"Uh huh, sure." Cyborg had an inkling what their gothic friend was going to do, but didn't feel like sharing it. Not until this race was over at least. "Games paused, and ready for us to go." He announced.

"Dude, you so got a lead when I left." Whined the green titan.

"Man, I already had a lead before you left." Cyborg challenged back.

"Oh yah?" Beast Boy was quite ready for this challenge. And soon the loud sounds of engines and cheering crowds captured the room once again. "I see you!"

"Good, because you are about to see me win."

"Oh ho, I think not. You're out of nitro." Beast Boy snickered.

"Pft, with my lead, you can use all the nitro you want. You'll never catch me." The sound of Beast Boy hitting the extra power echoed through the speakers. The finish line was before them...it was going to be close, and Cyborg knew it. Almost…almost….

"Nooooo!" Cyborg cried, as the very last second Beast Boy rushed past him.

"Oh yah, uh huh, whose the champ." Beast Boy jumped to his feet.

"Geez, my game must be off today." Cyborg groaned.

"Your game is never on." Beast Boy laughed again, practically preening his feathers.

"Well, before you get too cocky, I think you might want to check on Raven." Cyborg smirked at him. Beast Boy, stopping in mid motion, looked over at him, suddenly very serious. "Do you really think that she's sitting in her room right now? The girl with the magic powers?" Slow realization spread across Beast Boys face, and he sprinted out the room, down the hallway. Cyborg heard the sound of a door opening, slamming, and then Beast boy running out the living room and out the front door.

He had no idea what was going on, but he was starting to feel bad for not letting the kid know sooner. Still…it did stop the gloating.

Something was going on with Beast Boy and Raven…he knew the changeling had a crush on her, but why the two were acting this way didn't make sense. Maybe Raven had some secret boyfriend and Beast Boy had found out. That would make sense in Raven getting all upset, and Beast Boy being paranoid for her leaving.

Well as much sense as the two of them ever did.

---

Raven walked into the library, heading straight for her usual destination without a moments thought. It was just a little before six. She would be right on time…that is if he showed up.

She wasn't naive to think that he would. He probably woke up unconscious in the library, not knowing what had happened. And since she didn't even come yesterday…If he was there, she already could guess what mood he would be in. He would be angry…not obvious at first. But it would be there.

And she was willingly walking in there anyway. She paused. Before, that didn't seem strange to her at all. Why should it, when Malvern showed genuine interest in her…when he knew of her dark nature…when he had a dark side of his own? Yet….for some unknown cause…a part of her was finding her usual reasoning a little too forced. Shaking her head, she moved forward. Then she stopped. Beast Boy didn't think she was a bad person…he wanted to help her.

It was touching, of course, but he didn't really know her. How could he still be her friend if she knew he knew how tainted her soul really was? He knew about Trigon…he had stolen away into her mind once before and met with her rage face to face…but there was more to it then that. The demon was inside her, but she herself was a demon as well.

This time, with determination, she made her way to the door, and forced it open. She was a little surprise to find resistance against the door. Did these doors have a lock? Frowning, she pushed harder, it scooting open a fraction.

Not sure what else to do, she used her powers to once again go through the wall to the inside of the dark room. There was a chair ledged underneath the door knob, explaining why it was so hard to enter. And that meant someone else was here.

She didn't feel the presence of anyone, a fact which bothered her. Someone had to have put the chair there….and this room was normally only used by her and Malvern The entire room was encased in darkness, and she fumbled around on the wall, finally finding the light.

Switching it on, she felt her entire body begin to shake. No…no….the light shattered in a rain of sparks and glass as her emotions snapped, she backing up slowly until she reached the corner of the room. No…

---

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments!