After watching The O. Sea I thought it would be the perfect time to do Caleb's letter, after his final episode. This would have been written on his last day alive, sometime after Julie suggested he write to Kirsten if talking to her was too hard.

Disclaimer: I don't own the O.C.

Caleb

Kiks – I found this letter from Cal. Thought you might like to read it. I haven't opened it.

- Julie.

Dearest Kiki,

I just want to apologise to you after our argument last night. I hate being on bad terms with you. But, you know me; I'll die before I admit that I was too harsh to you. But I still stand by what I said. You need to get help, Kiki. It was too late for your mother, but it's not too late for you. I loved your mother, and it killed me to see her down a bottle or three every day. Your husband wasn't really helping, being all half-assed about it, so I had to step in and tell you some home truths. Pussy footing around the subject isn't going to make it go away, Kiki. You remember what your mother became like. I don't want that to happen to my little girl. There's still a chance for you. Don't screw up.

If I've been too hard on you at work, I can lighten your workload. Take a break. Go to rehab. No one has to know. I can say it's a business trip. But you need help, this isn't going to go away on it's own.

Wasn't that delinquent's mother an alcoholic? I don't even like the boy but what's the point in taking him in if you're just going to create more problems for him? If Caleb Nichol is defending a felon from Chino, then you know you must be doing something wrong. And what about Seth? Maybe you should stop and think how this will affect your family.

My affair with Renee Wheeler actually occurred about around the time when your mother's drinking spiralled out of control. I'm not blaming her for my infidelity, but she had cancer. She was drinking. So much. I know she was in pain, but she wouldn't let me help her. She pushed me further and further away. I was hurt, Kiki, she was dying and there was nothing she would let me do to help her. I know you would probably say that it was an easy excuse for me to say that this drove me into the arms of another woman, but it's not. I wanted comfort. I wanted, just for one day, for things to be normal again. I wanted to forget.

Your mom has always drunk. I thought that was just Newport social alcoholism. But it wasn't. Maybe it started off that way, but not in the end. You realised it, way back when you were going out with Jimmy Cooper to junior prom and came back to see your mom throwing a glass bottle at me, in a drunken rage. I wanted to try and hide her destructive behaviour from you. But I saw the heartbroken look on your face, that had moments before been so happy, as she stormed off to our bedroom. That was a rare occurrence back then, but I knew it had made an impact. Then, when you found out about Lindsay a couple of months ago, and you threw the vase, it was déjà vu. Just like your mother. Maybe I should have spotted it then. I know I've never been the father you wanted Kiki, but I've always loved you and I just want to protect you. But you're not my little girl anymore. You're all grown up and these problems are becoming your problems.

Strange as it may seem (and nothing I would admit to anyone but you), but I can identify with Sanford here. Don't push him away. I'm not going to say that he will have an affair like I did, because he adores you, and he just wouldn't, but you could lose him if you push too much. He loves you, but there's only so much a person can take. I know from experience. I loved your mother, but that wasn't enough to save her.

I know you think I like Hailey better because she looks just like your mom. That's not true. I mean, she may look like her, but you, Kiki; you are your mother incarnate. Hailey is the superficial reminder of my wife. That's not to say that I don't have any feelings for Hailey, because I do, she's my daughter, of course I do. But you have the same character, the same looks she used to give me when I'd done something wrong, the same determination. When I look at you, I see her. Maybe that's unhealthy, but you are all I have left of her. And it breaks my heart to think that you are going down the same route as she did. We lost your mom when she was not much older than you are now. Get through this Kiki; I can't go through it again.

Your family love you Kiki, I love you. I hate arguing with you but I do it because I think that no one else will tell you, Sanford can be far too soft sometimes and it's no place for your children to tell you. I must admit, when Julie noticed it before I did and when it was she who told me, I was stunned. A father should know what's going on in his oldest daughter's life. It occurred to me that we don't spend enough time together outside work, maybe we should start. Try to have a whole conversation without mentioning the Newport Group.

You're damned good at your job Kiki. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, even me. One day the company will be yours; because there's no one else I trust it to. The Newport Group has been a big part of my life; I built it up from nothing; in a way, it's like another child. When I retire, which I plan to in 5 years, I know you'll do a good job of running it for me. And hopefully allow me to have a nose around every now and then; I foresee retirement being hard on me, Kiki, can you imagine me sitting around doing nothing all day? I think, in the years since your mother passed away, the Newport Group has become my life. But now, once I sort everything between Julie and myself out, family will be my top priority.

So, keep going for your old dad Kiki. I really think rehab would be a good idea. I've seen how things can spiral out of control quickly, and I don't want to see it happening again, especially to you.

Who knows, I may never send this letter and you'll never receive it, and one day I'll find this and look back on this and think what a sap I was! Think about what I said now, and I'll see you soon.

Love you Kiki,

Love always,

Dad

Xxxxxx

P.S. Why did you decorate my office in coloured lights Kiki? You know I can't stand them, they remind me of carnies and I hate carnies! I know it was you, I remember you doing it before just to freak me out. Don't think it didn't work young lady! As they say, revenge is a dish best served cold. Watch out if you don't want Sandy serenading you with show tunes all day and all night. Don't think he wouldn't do it.

Sniff! I can't believe Caleb, or Jim Robinson as I will forever know him, has bit the dust! Thanks for your reviews so far, I'm not sure how happy I was with Summer's but in the end I decided to post regardless so I could continue. To those of you requesting letters from Kirsten, I may consider posting them in a sequel, but I'm not sure, as I don't think I could get Kirsten's voice down. But who knows? Maybe it will be a challenge for myself over the summer hols. And this Author's Note has gone on way too long so ciao!