Disclaimer: I don't own the O.C.
Jimmy
Hi Kirsten,
How are you holding up, hon? I miss you. It's been forever since we last talked. I feel guilty, it seems like I left just before everything went crazy. But I'm back, here to stay now. You've been my rock for so long, through bad times and good, despite what our partners have thought, despite me trying to come on to you. Now it's my turn to be that for you. You've more than earned it over the years.
You know something? I've never been more scared than at the wake. Just seeing you unravelling, knowing there was nothing I could do, knowing maybe if I'd have stayed I could have prevented it, knowing there was no way this was going to end well. For so long, Kirsten, I've been the one to mess up, and my best friend was always there, no matter what. I don't know how you did it. How you don't really care, in the end, what the Newpsies think, doing what you think should be done – sticking by me, taking Ryan in…the list goes on, kiddo. You're a star.
I know you've always hated having to be "perfect" because that's what everyone expected of you, but you still rose to the challenge. And isn't it ironic, the ones who put you up on that pedestal are the ones just waiting for you to fall off it. The more perfect you are, the more people can't wait to rip you to bits.
I should have wrote to you sooner – see, I'm already crap at being the rock – but I've had to deal with Marissa's problems first. I know you already understand, but I feel like I've let you down again. We may not be related by blood or paper (or are we? It's hard to know these days), but you're still family to me, always have been, always will be. I bet by the time you've been home a week you'll have been so smothered you'll wish you were back in the peace and quiet. Don't worry, Kirsten, everyone still loves you, you can't get rid of us that easily. There are bridges to be rebuilt, no doubt, but no one's running away kiddo.
Julie's probably already told you – she said she wrote to you – that we're giving it another go. I know you never really approved of her in the beginning, but she's changed. I've changed. We both know what we want now. I'm a little disturbed, to tell you the truth, how close you two seem to have become compared to when I left. Julie may be a bitch, but she can be as loyal as a dog to you when the chips are down (as long as it suits her, mind you). Everyone thinks she wanted a divorce because of our family having no money, but our marriage had been stale for a while. She hated the deceit, the lies. Whilst she's never been a "good" girl by any stretch of the imagination, she never cheated on me. She was fed up. Things had been going wrong for a long time. Maybe you and Sandy don't have a perfect marriage, but it's the best damn marriage I've ever known. Hopefully second time round we can be as great as the Cohen's.
I'm sorry about Caleb, honey. I'm probably one of the only people who actually liked and got on well with him, well mostly. I know how much you loved him, I know you would have done anything for him, come hell or high water, and I know, underneath it all, he loved you too. You were his little Kiki. I remember at graduation, he was so proud of you. Even on Prom night, whilst your mother took pictures of us, he lurked in the background, with this look on his face, like his little girl was growing up so fast. He pulled me aside when your mom insisted on taking a photo of you with her, with Hailey, on your own, and he told me to take care good care of you – "she's gonna be the most beautiful girl in the room, James. I expect you to be at her side all night. Look after my little girl or you won't be alive to see the photos". Violent, perhaps – this was Caleb Nichol - but there was no doubt that he loved you with all his heart, even if he hid it. He was a proud man, Kirsten. He saw love as weakness, and Caleb Nichol, business mogul, had no place for weaknesses. He only wanted the best for you, you know, and he didn't think Sandy could be that for you. Although from what Julie's told me, he was starting to come around. I think he wasn't expecting his eldest daughter to be as headstrong and stubborn as he was – he was always waiting for you to cave first.
I always knew you liked a drink, but I never saw you becoming alcohol dependent. I still refuse to see you as an alcoholic Kirsten. Maybe it's because I wasn't there, but everything seemed to progress so quickly. You have a few too many at your father's wake – a father you loved so much – and suddenly you need to be shipped off? What am I missing here K? I don't want to ask your sons, or Sandy, or Hailey, because everything is still so raw. Maybe I should have known from the beginning. You were the only seventeen year old I knew who could drink vodka straight, I was one of the only people who knew your mother had a drinking problem. I'm sorry, Kirsten. I've let you down. You have a crappy best friend. But I'll be better now, I swear. Super-Jimmy, He Who Can!
You can get through this Kirsten. You're the strongest person I know. When you get back, I was thinking we should have a barbeque, or something, just us adults and the kids. No Newpsies, no interfering hags, just the Cohens and the Coopers plus Hailey and Summer. It'll be great, I hear that your husband is a skilled barbequetionist, and Ryan does a mean grilled cheese. It'll be fantastic!
Keep going, kiddo. Just remember, rehab's not the end of the world, far from it, it's a chance for a new beginning. I'm missing you loads, hon, so you better get through this so you can come back to Newport where you belong.
Love always,
Jimmy
xxxxx
P.S. Who told Marissa about the embarrassing hair I used to have? I mean, is there really any need to show photos? I know I asked you to keep an eye on her, but really. What did I ever do to you? I would retaliate, but your hair's always been perfect. Bitch. Love ya xxx