That face
by: samthegreat
disclaimer: characters aren't mine.
I feel empty inside.
I had wanted it for so long, and when it happened and we said our goodbyes, I felt horrible inside. I just wish it never really happened. I wish the hopes of my heart were never answered because it doesn't feel like it was worth it.
It started off as a normal day. He was annoying me and snooping around the bento I had prepared for that days lunch. I kept it closely guarded while waiting for Himawari-chan's arrival. She jogged up shouting her salutations to him and me. "Sorry, I'm always late, I know." "Not at all, Himawari-chan. I don't mind one bit." I heard him mumble something about idiots being patient but ignored it as I offered Himawari-chan the first taste of the bento.
"This is great, Watanuki-kun!" I beamed a chose to ignore the satisfied noise that he made. "Oi, Watanuki-kun," I heard Himawari-chan begin again, "I was wondering if you would like to go to the movies with me tomorrow." I felt my heart jump into my throat and was about to answer her when he spoke up, "That sounds fine. What movie do you want to see?" I couldn't believe his nerve! I was moments from verbally thrashing him when Himawari-chan saved me the trouble.
"Oh, Doumeki-kun. I was kind of hoping it would be just me and Watanuki-kun this once." "Oh." He continued to eat. "Well, Watanuki-kun, would you like to go with me?" I felt him looking at me. I cautiously met his eyes and my anger flared back up. Why did he automatically think that when ever I was invited anywhere that it was an invitation for two. I turned back towards Himawari-chan and smiled brightly, "I'd love to go with you to the movies!" He continued eating.
That afternoon he walked me home from school. It was quiet between us, but I didn't mind. I would have preferred it if he wasn't there at all. I didn't want him ruining the excitement of being asked out by Himawari-chan. We got to my apartment building. As I was walking in the front door, he stopped me. "Oi, Watanuki," I heard him call from the stoop. I looked back at him and saw a confused and nervous look I had never seen before on his face. "How much do you like Kunogi? I mean, how much do you really like her?"
I looked down at that face and that stop in my stomach I hate so much flared up. This has to be hate I reasoned. I only feel this way with him. It can't be that other emotion because if it was, I'd feel it around Himawari-chan too because I know how I feel about her. I just know. "I like Himawari-chan just fine." I slam the door behind me.
The next day I met her at the theater. She looked as cute as always, but I felt queasy when she took my arm and said teasingly that we were going to see a romantic comedy. In the theater, I kept my distance. I wish I could say the same for the spirits. They slipped in and out through the wall and brushed against me, making me shiver. "Cold?" she whispered softly while throwing me a smile. "A little," I lied.
As much as I hated to admit it, it was better last time when he was there to ward them off. I hated to think that a part of me actually needed him. I made a mental note to ask Yuuko-san when our agreement would go into effect and I'd lose my ability to see spirits. The movie ended and I was grateful. I was even more grateful when Himawari-chan asked me to walk her home. I meant our date was coming to an end. I couldn't take much more of this.
We said goodbye to each other, and before she entered her home she stopped and turned back towards me. "Oi, Watanuki-kun, I had fun, but maybe next time the three of us could do something together. I missed your and Doumeki-kun's fights." She smiled and left. I missed it too. I felt so empty inside.
Watanuki chewed on the end of his pen and decided that that was enough writing for today. Yesterday's events had left him drained and it really helped to write it down. He put his journal away and looked around the shrine. Watanuki had come to see the other boy, but ended up having to wait for him to get back from running some errands. The shrine grounds were peaceful. It was strange. The bespectacled boy imagined that the serenity of the surroundings had contributed to how Doumeki's personality was. He was quiet and calm, like the shrine.
"Oi." He turned to his side and saw the taller boy holding a few bags. "Hey," he said awkwardly. "Wait, let me put these inside." Watanuki waited with a nervousness that seemed unnatural. He didn't have to wait long as he soon saw the other boy dash out of the house and then slow his pace to a casual walk. He sat next to the shorter boy, but looked straight ahead.
Finally, he chose to break the silence. "So, how did your date with Kunogi go?" "Awful!" he blurted before he could control his tongue. He slapped a hand over his mouth and chose to ignore the satisfied look on the other's face. "Why so bad?" Watanuki had thought about it all night. Why had something he wanted so much turn out so badly? The back of his mind whispered the answer, but not loud enough to get through to his stubborn brain. "It just wasn't all that I thought it might have been," he whispered softly in a broken voice.
"Maybe it's for the best," Doumeki commented gently. Watanuki turned to look at the other boy. There wasn't a satisfied smirk on his face and he wasn't looking down on him with pity either. His face was the same it always was. It was open and honest. There was no judgment in his face. The spot in Watanuki's stomach that always betrayed him at such inopportune times made it self known. Maybe he didn't really understand what he felt for Himawari-chan. And if he didn't understand his feelings for her, maybe he wasn't very certain about what this tingling meant.
"Oi, Watanuki. Maybe you'd like to go to the movies with me tonight." He didn't say it like it was a request, just a comment that could be easily retracted. Watanuki nodded. That night at the movies, the ghosts stayed back and allowed Watanuki to concentrate on the movie. And when Doumeki placed his hand over Watanuki's, it was only allowed to keep the spirits at bay of course.
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