The journey to the loft was quick but she couldn't bring herself to open he main door. Standing there looking at it, knowing she should open it but not being able to put her hand out to do so. Thankfully Eddie came to her rescue. "Miss Beckett are you okay?" His kind voice made her smile.
"Thanks Eddie, just building up some courage." She took a deep breath and walked into the building. Choosing to take the stairs because the elevator held way too many memories, she climbed floor by floor until she reached the top.
She stood in front of the door, hesitant to knock. This had been her home for the last year but still it was scary to think how she would feel inside. When she plucked up the courage she knocked loudly and the door flew open. "Katherine, it's so good to see you." Kate was immediately enveloped in Martha's arms. Feeling those loving arms around her allowed to slump against the older woman feeling the warmth and love from her.
"I'm so sorry." Kate whispered.
"There is nothing to be sorry about." Martha said moving back from the embrace to frame Kate's face with her hands. "You are here now and that's all that matters."
Kate smiled a watery smile before falling back into Martha's arms again. "I just couldn't be here, too many memories and then after seeing the videos of him alive, I tried my hardest to put the pieces together but just couldn't face you when I couldn't find the answers." Tears slowly made there way down the pale cheeks, dripping from her chin. She tried in vain to wipe them but more came.
"Kate you came." Alexis stood off to the side, staring at the woman who closest resembled a mother to her. "I was worried you wouldn't come even though you said you would."
"I know Alexis and I am so sorry for not coming to you both before now." Kate moved from Martha's embrace to envelope the young woman in her arms. Alexis had, much like Kate had in Martha's arms, slumped into Kate sobbing, Kate joining her.
They stood for a good five minutes before separating and heading to the breakfast bar at Kates request. The sofa held way too many memories. As Kate climbed onto the stool Martha took note of a few changes in Kate but decided to wait and let the young woman come to her in her own time. They began chatting about mundane things and picked at the lunch that Martha had ordered in. Kate was grateful as she knew she hadn't been taking very good care of herself since that day.
"I'm going to use the bathroom." Kate announced as they finished eating. She slipped off the stool and made her way towards her and Rick's bedroom. Seeing their bed she couldn't help but collapse onto it and taking a deep breath. She could still smell him. "Oh Rick, I need you, where are you?" Tears ran down her face as the sobs took over.
Martha and Alexis had heard her crying and followed to the room where they found her curled in the middle of the bed hugging Rick's t-shirt to herself. Alexis climbed in front of her while Martha slid in behind her. "We're here Kate," Martha whispered, "No matter what you've got us". She told her as she slipped her arms around Kate's middle.
Kate snuggled into them both and knew she had to tell them. "I'm not sure I can do this without him." She sighed.
"Do what?" Alexis asked.
Kate took a deep breath feeling Martha's hand on her abdomen, wishing it was Ricks. "I'm pregnant, think I've known for a while. I was going to surprise your dad on our wedding day, but that didn't happen and with everything going on I haven't exactly been looking after myself properly, but". Kate reached into her pocket and produced the ultrasound picture, "Doctor Cohen confirmed it this morning. You are finally getting to be a big sister Alexis." She told the girls as she handed the picture over.
All three cried with happiness and sadness over what was to come. New life growing inside Kate that should be celebrated, but the other important person wasn't there. Where are you Rick, was the thought on everyones mind.