Disclaimer: I don't own anything about "That's So Raven."

Chapter 12

The sun beat down upon them as they lay sprawled out on a blanket. Raven smiled as Chelsea pointed out a white, puffy cloud.

"That one looks like a bunny." Chelsea said and Raven nodded.

"That one looks like a heart." Raven pointed to the next floating cloud.

"But it's torn." Chelsea said sadly and Raven watched as the cloud broke apart.

"Hmm. That one..." Raven sat up to get a closer look at the cloud. It looked like...her. It was her face, and she seemed to be crying.

"You'll never have me." Chelsea said beside her and Raven looked at her.

"What?"

Chelsea stood up and began to slowly back away from Raven.

"Chelsea, Chels where are you going? No Chelsea, please don't leave!" Raven shouted, trying to move, but she couldn't. She was stuck. Her hands and legs seemed to bind with the blanket and Raven couldn't help but watch as Chelsea disappeared into the horizon.

"Please don't go! I love you! Chelsea!"

Raven woke up, gasping for air. She looked around, and realized that she was still sitting against her bedroom door. Her eyes were dry and irritated from the crying and her cheeks felt plastic from all of the dry tear streaks.

She got up slowly and walked to her bathroom, turning on the sink and splashing cold water on her face. Breathing deeply, Raven looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red and puffy, her hair was messed and her face was flushed from crying.

"Look at me. I'm a mess." She muttered, grabbing a brush and pulling it through her hair. Suddenly, there was a knock and her bedroom door opened.

"Hey Rae, it's Eddie. You in here?"

Raven put the brush down and cautiously went to her bathroom door. Eddie was standing by her desk, looking very troubled.

"Hey." It barely came out as a whisper. Eddie looked at Raven and immediately felt bad.

"S-sorry about before...at school."

Raven leaned against her bathroom door frame. "You hate me?"

"No. It just took me by surprise that's all."

"You tell anyone else?"

"Of course not."

Uncomfortable silence filled the room, which was really weird for both of them. Raven and Eddie had been friends forever. There was never one moment of discomfort before, and it made Raven feel even worse that Eddie couldn't be at ease around her.

Eddie took the initiative and sat down on Raven's bed. Raven followed, sitting a few inches away from him. She wasn't sure if she should sit closer.

"So...what are you thinking?" Raven said and Eddie shook his head slowly, his eyes focused on nothing.

"I don't know what to think Rae. You're in love with your best friend...my best friend...our best friend."

"Any way you spin it Ed, I'm still in love with her."

"When did this happen?"

"A while back."

"What, it just came out of nowhere? Like one minute your walking and the next, Boom! You're in love with her?"

"Well...yes, and no. I don't know how to explain it."

"Try. I really gotta understand this."

Raven looked at Eddie's confused and pain-filled face. He really wanted to understand it, but she could tell that he also kind of didn't want to know.

"I don't..." Raven looked up, searching her mind for an explanation that Eddie could grasp. "I-I guess it's like...I was blind."

"Huh?"

"Yeah. We've been friends with Chelsea forever and I saw her every day. But I didn't really see Chelsea. Then, one day, my eyes opened up, and I SAW Chelsea. I wasn't blind anymore. You understand?"

"I guess. It's just...she's a girl Raven."

"So?"

"So, last time I checked, you were straight. You used to like a lot of guys. What about Devon?"

"What about him? Devon's gone."

"Didn't you love him?"

Raven shook her head a little. "I thought I did. What I felt for Devon isn't what I feel for Chelsea. It was more like lust with Devon. I wanted him, I thought he'd be a great boyfriend. But..." Raven wasn't sure how far she should take this, but she continued anyway. "...with Chelsea, it's like I need her to survive. Like a person needs food or water. Without her...I think I might stop living."

"Wow Rae," Eddie said, running his fingers through his hair, "That's intense."

"Tell me about it." Raven sighed, watching her hands play with a few strands of her hair. Without looking at him, Raven asked, "So, are you grossed out? You wanna stop being my friend?"

"No girl. You know you're my best friend. I'm not gonna drop you over this. It-it's gonna take some gettin used to, but I'm still gonna be here."

Raven thought that if she had any tears left, she would have started crying then and there. She pulled Eddie into a tight hug, buring her face into his shoulder. "I'm so happy to hear you say that."

"You're still you right? You...just like girls now." Eddie said as they broke apart.

Raven nodded. "Just one girl really."

"So, you ever gonna tell Chels?"

"No. I didn't plan on it. But after today..."

"What? You think Ben will tell?"

"No. I mean, I talked to Chelsea today. After I left school, I was walking around and I ended up at Chelsea's. She saw me from her window and made me come inside. I'll skip the details but we had a fight and I think I said too much."

"You think Chelsea'll figure it out?"

"I don't think I said enough for her to figure that out, but she definitely knows something's up."

"What are you gonna do?"

"I don't know Eddie. When you found out, your face...it was like you were disgusted by me."

"I didn't mean to be. I was just shocked."

"I know. But if Chelsea looked at me like that, I don't think my heart could take it."

"I don't think Chelsea'll be that way Rae. You know her."

"Yeah. I'm still scared though."

"Well, whatever happens, you know I got your back."

"Thanks Eddie."

They hugged again and Eddie stood up. "Don't worry Rae. I won't tell noone. Not even Chantel."

"All right. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay. Bye." Eddie left.

Raven rubbed her eyes and laid back on her bed. She didn't feel great, but she did feel lighter. Having someone know about her secret took a figurative load off. Now, she could talk to Eddie and not hold in all of her feelings. Maybe it would help. Raven knew she'd still be tortured by her feelings, but at least now someone was there to listen.

Suddenly, her phone rang. Raven sat up; she knew who it was. Chelsea. Who else would it be? Eddie just left, he wouldn't be calling so soon. She didn't want to have to explain her actions over the phone, so Raven let it ring. The machine finally answered it.

"Hey this is Rae, leave a message after the beep."

Beep.

"Raven, it's Chelsea. Pick up. I know you're there. Pick up."

There was silence. Raven walked over to the machine, looking down at it as if she could see Chelsea's disappointed face staring back at her.

"Okay...call you later."

Chelsea called three more times that night, and Raven didn't answer any of them.