Harry Potter: King of the Porcelain Throne
By: Moi!
PLEASE READ: This is meant to be funny and has CRUDE HUMOR! So if you don't like that, don't read OR review!
I don't own Harry Potter blah blah blah… Have fun!
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Harry sat upon his lovely pearly white porcelain throne, swinging his legs and humming, with his pants scrunched up, dangling from his ankles.
It was going to come soon. He just knew it!
His behind was half into the throne, the consequence of his earlier forcing and squeezing. Harry had tried so hard to drive it out, but all he got out of the that was a more-than-likely popped vein in his temple.
Now he was trying to get it out with a bit of exercise and a song. It goes a little something like this: "BEANS! BEANS! They're good for your heart! The more you eat, the more you fart! The more you fart, the better you feel! So eat your beans in every meal! Yayyyyyy!"
Constipation. The absolute WORST thing to happen to a wizard of his… stature.
Why had it happened? He'd eaten Hogwarts' baked beans before! Harry suspected Malfoy of having had a part in this doing, but he couldn't think about that right now. He had to focus on the art of proper defecation. Surely someone equipped to destroy the Dark Lord could release this little demon!
Sure, gas was passed a few times and it was quite stinky too, but the mother lode had not yet come.
It had been hours since he took his seat upon his throne. Harry wondered if Ron and Hermione had sent out a search party for him yet and then he wondered if anyone dared to brave such a feat of entering the bathroom.
Every time someone came into the bathroom, Harry would beat the side of the stall violently in anger. The student then proceeded quickly to the nearest exit.
To keep himself busy, he pulled a long strip of toilet paper off the roll and played with it like a streamer. Then he folded a piece of it into a nice and fashionable little hat. The other pieces were used to make himself a little petting zoo of various wild animals.
And then…it came. "OH MERLIN! OH MERLIN IT'S COMING!" Harry shouted at the top of his lungs. He braced himself by pushing on either side of the stall, shut his eyes tight, and gave it hell. "HELP ME MERLIN! HELP ME TO RELEASE THE DEMONS FROM THE BOWELS OF HELL!"
A number of satisfying plippity-plops and a clean up job later, Harry flushed, stood up, pulled up his pants, and walked out of the stall, quite pleased with himself. After washing his hands, he held the bathroom door ajar and eyed both sides of the hallway. Not a soul was in sight. 'No one must know!' Harry thought.
He then confidently strode out of the bathroom triumphantly like a king…or more appropriately, the King of the Porcelain Throne.
-La Fin!-
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So what did we all think? Please review and enlighten me!