Chapter Two: Memories of Her Almost Death

Dawn eyes fluttered open that morning. She saw Spike lying on top of her sheets. "Spike... wake up..." Spike's eyes opened suddenly and frightened Dawn.

He looked at her room. "I fell asleep here didn't I?" He asked and Dawn nodded. They had decided not to go to the Bronze or anywhere just to have one of their movie marathons and the theme was vampires.

Spike loved watching vampire movie but refused to tell Dawn why... maybe Dawn did not want to know... just as she did not want to know many things about Spike.

She felt like being quiet... not talking at all. "What up Little Bit anything wrong?" Spike asked but Dawn did not answer. She merely stared at her feet in silence. Spike made her have eye contact with him and then said, "You ok?"

"Yeah I am fine it is just..." She did not want to say it. She had dreamt of Glory and he sister's death. However, in her dream she died. Dawn felt her own death... and it felt good. She saved her sister... if only it had happened that way... maybe she would have happier.

She knew her sister had been to heaven... but Buffy could have been here with her friends. Dawnie did not have friends and no one would even care she died... no one would care... even if she went to hell.

"What is wrong Niblet?" She laughed. She loved Spike's kid names for her... but the one he used most was of course Little Bit. He did sounded concerned... but how could she take comfort about death... with someone who causes death.

She decided not to and just to stay quiet. She wanted... she did not what she wanted. Buffy maybe... or enjoyment that she lived.

"You want to get ice-cream... that is something girls do right... upset ice-cream..." She giggled at Spike and nodded.

She could not get the cries of the group out of her head. The tears they had cried over Buffy haunted her. She was positive that they would not have cried over her... at all. She felt as if she knew this for a fact.

Spike looked at her with nothing but... well he wanted her to be happy. Dawnie looked out the window and saw birds. Birds that soon would be killed by the pollution we put in the air.

She... her friends her family caused death everyday. Every human did... Dawnie wished that the stupid voice in her head that gave her these thoughts would shut up but it never did.

She always guessed it was the thoughts Glory put in her head when she was preparing her for the end of the world.

Dawnie wanted to be normal... well as normal as a fake person with fake memories with a sister who slays vampires and had died twice gets.

"My life is fake..." She thought sadly going though her memories that she now knew never happened.

"You look pale maybe you are ill..." Spike felt Dawn's head with glee. She wondered if sickness made him happy or in fact any vampire at all. It had seemed to be that way with other vampires when Buffy had been sick and she went out. Well she went patrolling.

"How are we going to get to the doctor... you vampire remember" Dawn looked at her ceiling and Spike looked to the floor.

"Oh right..." He sounded so stupid. Dawn was wondering if the blonde hair dye had gotten to his brain...

"I am fine Spike really..." She lied still staring at the ceiling upset. Spike leant down and looked at her watery eyes up close.

"You want some ice-cream..." he joke and Dawnie giggled again looking at him this time. After she had finish giggling her face went back to its upset state and her gaze went back to the ceiling.

"No... Not really." She glanced down for a second but then redirection her gaze but to the ceiling and its many cobwebs.

"Don't lie Dawnie." He said for the first he stared at her ceiling and then looked at Dawn's eyes.

"Ok I really want some" She wiped away a tear as she sat up and for the first time looked spike directing in his eye and she wanted to.

"Thank you for telling the truth" Spike said in triumph getting up and going to get the ice cream but then Dawnie said.

"How do you know when girls tell the truth?" Dawn sounded interested and really wanted to know. Spike always seemed to know what as going on in Buffy's, Anya's and her mind.

"The way I know girls' like ice-cream" He smiled turning away but as before Dawn interrupted him.

"And how is that by the way" Now Dawnie was smiling.

"It is because... wow I don't know..." He scratched his head. "Anyway, Little Bit I will get ice cream you stay here ok?"

"Where else could I go?" Dawn shrugged.

"Out the window or something... how the hell do I know!" Spike yelled. 'How dare she question me' is what Dawnie guessed he was thinking by the look on his face.

"You said it!" Dawn was never one to give in on a fight... Buffy knew that even though she always beat her.

"Ok... whatever, I will b back with ice cream" Spike jumped several stairs on the way down to the fridge.

She looked at the memories in her room the photos. One of her and Buffy her and mum and her and the fang gang.

Spike was not there... well he was... but you couldn't see him that was how they figured out that vampires don't photograph and why there was only drawings in Giles books.

She ran her finger across this photo. It was the only 'real' memory in the room. She thought about life and death and in her life came to an rather different exclusion.

She knew what she wanted she wanted her life back, the only way to have it would be to want to, and now she wanted life... a life with real memories...