Focus: Iwase Kyoko
Course: Algebra
Disclaimer: I don't own Initial D.
Down Time
The wood polish kinda makes the grain look like little black rivulets…like little black rivers running across my table…like little black rivers of rainwater running all across my dinner table…
That doesn't make any sense. That makes no sense at all, actually. But… I would rather live in non-sense than to be bound by logic and any kind of reason. I know I must sound like a fool, but what other way can I possibly explain it? How else could I ever possibly get what I want? I hate to think about it, because the more thinking I do, the more it makes sense. Everything he said had made perfect sense, and try as I might I have yet to find a way to prove him wrong. Using any form of common sense, at least.
And even then - even when I try to overlook the whole bit with him - I still feel like…like something is missing. Or like something I had before him is gone now. Maybe it's peace of mind, maybe it's control, maybe it's sanity, or maybe I'm just thinking too much. But I know that there is something about my life that has changed now. And I don't mean that he has touched my life and forever left an imprint, I mean that…that after I met him, everything kinda just…fell apart.
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Algebraic Formula for the Velocity of a Falling Object
v EQUALS h -16t + s
In whence v represents Velocity.
A Vector Quantity. A measurement of the rate of speed and the direction of an object.
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Everyone in life has a goal. Any friend you've ever made; any stranger you've ever met, they all have something they want, or somewhere they want to go. Even if they don't know what it is, or can't recognize it, it's there. Sometimes, it's as little as waking up on time in the morning, while other times it could be as great as becoming rich and famous. But either way, everyone has it inside of them.
And I'm not about to say that I'm a special case, or that I'm the exception, because I know I'm just as normal as anyone else. Just like everyone else, I have a goal. I have something I'm trying to reach. I have an ends to the means I'm searching for. And it's that goal that is pushing me. I'm headed in one direction and one direction only, and it's in the direction that can get me what I want. Even if it's unattainable, I still need to keep trying to reach it.
It's been the only thing on my mind lately. Since I met him I can't stop thinking about him. And it wasn't a slow transition either, it was more of a 'snap-of-my-fingers' speed transition. And it's been driving me crazy. And it's most definitely been driving me. I really want to go somewhere with this. I want…I want to succeed at this. And I'm really trying.
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Velocity EQUALS h -16t + s
In whence s represents the Starting Height.
The Starting Height is the height at which an object began descending.
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I remember that before this all started, I hadn't had many worries at all. I had been the ace of Nobuohiko's team; even he had told me so. I had never been superficial or materialistic; I had just never had to care about things like that. I used to be a girl playing in a guy's role. I was a street racer. Someone that never wore much make-up, never dressed high class, never brushed her hair more than once a day, and that never needed to look 'pretty.' And yet, look at where it's gotten me. I can wow people by acting the tomboy, but when it comes to being a lady for him…I apparently haven't succeeded.
I remember that I used to daydream about finding my perfect guy, but I had never thought anything about the trouble it would cause. I had simply been happy pretending. Thinking that everything would be perfect and wonderful, just as soon as I met my Prince Charming. But perhaps my perfect, fairytale lover was just as perfect as I expected him to be, but that his welcome wasn't quite as splendid.
Perhaps I was a fool. Only a fool would believe the fairytales I did.
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Velocity EQUALS h - 16t + Starting Height
In whence (-16) represents the downward force of Gravity, and t represents Time.
Gravity is a force of attraction, pulling or holding one object to another.
Time is a measurement of how long something has lasted, or how many seconds, minutes, hours, or so forth have elapsed since a given point.
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I can only hope now that this world I live in will one day reverse itself into that state of illogical nonsense that I need. Because in this world, everything is tied together at the seams by logic and reality.
In Fantasy, everything would have turned out perfect. And same thing for Fairytales. But not in Reality. Reality keeps your feet on the ground, and your head out of the clouds. Reality is what constrains real life, and forces everything to be 'practical' and 'realistic.' I can feel the weight of it on my shoulders, reminding me that things just can't go my way. Reminding me that, for him, I gave up a great deal, but that he has nothing to give in return.
Reality is what has made me feel like I have for so very long. Were it not for the reality of the situation, I would not have wasted so many mornings lost in thought, or so many evenings moping. I would not have lost so many dreams. And yet, when I think about my hope - my hope that his mind and circumstance will change - I can't seem to make myself believe that all the time I spent was really a waste.
Through it all, I'm still hoping for my sorry, impossible miracle.
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Velocity EQUALS h - Gravity(Time) + Starting Height
In whence h represents Height.
A measurement of the altitude of an object, or how far above sea level an object is.
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In a matter of just a few weeks - it couldn't have been more than three - a lot of what I had has disappeared, a lot of what I still have has lost its value, and what I still want has drifted even further from my reach.
I had used to be on that team in Saitama. Nobuohiko had really thought I was useful. But with his second challenge against Project D came my exclusion. What I'm left with is my skills, now cheapened by my loss, my friends, now slightly less interesting, and all the other mundane components of my everyday life, now filled with the sensation that something is missing.
And now, even with all that has happened between us, he is leaving Saitama. There is nothing for him here, and now that there are no races for him, he probably won't be coming back. He's moving on, and leaving me behind, because he doesn't have the time to wait around for me. Because he lives his life differently, and that 'different' style doesn't have room for me.
I had been a fool to think that he would stay with me, and be happy with me. But now so much more than just that has changed. And I can't even say that now I'm just a different kind of fool; because even fools are blissful in their ignorance. Even fools, as foolish as they are, can be happy as fools. Now I'm just a clown. A frowning, crying, heartbroken clown. And all my makeup that will never impress him, is running down my face. I look like a joke standing next to him, that pretty, rich, and perfect man. My perfect Darling.
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Velocity EQUALS Height - Gravity(Time) + Starting Height
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And this is what I've become. I have direction, I'm just not getting near where I'm going. I had something good, and now I'm losing it all. Even I can see it in myself.
I'm going nowhere fast.