Author's Note: This story actually changed direction three times, ending up with another long one-shot. The ending was a lot fluffier than I'd intended, but it's all good I suppose. If you spot any mistakes or anything, feel free to tell me about them and I'll make sure to correct it. Please R&R and no flames, or I'll unleash the wrath of Hisoka on you.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yami no Matsuei, Matsushita-sensei does. I will own the box-set tomorrow though.
Ignored and Forgotten
"If you ignore it, it will eventually go away."
A shudder passed through the fragile body of a sixteen year old, his hay-tinged bangs hanging before closed eyelids, hiding the pools of emerald green beneath them. A steady rocking motion kept the boy sane, he was poised upon the bed in a fetal position and hugged his knees close to his chest. His breathing was shaky, but attempted to make it at an even rate. It didn't work. Giving up on that, he squeezed his eyes tighter, silent tears pushing themselves out from beneath it. No sound emerged from his throat as he continued rocking in order to shake the nightmare away.
I'm being so weak, this is childish. Why am I so afraid of the dark? It's not like it's any different from when it's light out, it's just a little distorted that's all. Quit being stupid. He attempted to convince himself that nothing was wrong.
Yet when he opened his jade colored optics, he couldn't suppress the cry of anguish that rose within him. Lingering shadows covered the length of his room, enveloping it in a sheet of darkness. It surrounded him, strangled him, scared him, and hid him. Nothing could be seen, save for a few darkened outlines like his dresser, the foot of his bed, and his door. He trembled, the door.
Out of everything in this room, the door was what frightened Hisoka the most. It was closed. Now, normally a closed door didn't affect him, he actually preferred the extra privacy. He closed it every night after turning his night table lamp on, as a way of protecting himself from the "prowlers" that he believed to emerge from their houses and into the night. Hisoka now needed to be protected from the door.
The sound of rain splattering against the rooftops reached his ears, followed by a roar of thunder. He shivered and pulled the blankets around his shoulders, having let go of his legs. Limpid, emerald eyes would not tear their gaze away from the door, it's prescence forboding. Allowing a whimper to leave his lips, he could feel his eyes tear up and threaten to spill over. A flash of light shone in the room, not for long, but only enough for him to scream at the shadows it casted.
The window mocked him, showing him the outside world, the one he was unable to get to. He was trapped here. All logic would've told him otherwise. The door was not locked and he was not trapped here. However, Hisoka was not emotionally stable at the moment and being alone in a dark room with the door closed brought back memories of his cell, his prison. The storm outside didn't ease his fears either, it simply reminded him of feeling cold and afraid as thunder and lightening passed over his huddled form in the room where no one could hear him. Actually, he was in a similar situation, no one could hear his screams now either.
This thought led to him burrowing his tear-stained face into the folds of his covers, crying once more. Why? Why of all nights did the power have to fail? If it hadn't, then his lamp would be on right now or at least his night light. Now that was pathetic, an eternal sixteen year old, who would've been about eighteen if he hadn't died, with a night light. If he hadn't been so uneasy, he would've berated himself for the childish antics. But for the moment, all he could do was try to calm himself. He suddenly wished that he hadn't left his flashlight on the dresser across the room. An idea dawned on him, if he could just get to the dresser and the flashlight, the darkness would cower away and he could open the door and leave the room. It was a start.
Lifting his head from his knees, Hisoka tried to adjust his eyesight while whimpering with each roar of thunder and flash of lightening. It took him thirty minutes to pull the covers off.
He could faintly make out the outline of the flashlight. Just run for it.
In a single brisk movement, Hisoka fled from his bed. First he tripped on the tangled sheets, crying at whatever held him back. Then he jabbed his side into the corner of the dresser, wincing in pain as he fumbled for the flashlight. The bulb burned out.
He collapsed into heart-wrenching sobs, dragging his limp body into the farthest corner. Once again he hugged his legs close, fearful whimpers coming from him. His whole being trembled, his body aching from the bruises he must have recieved.
"It'll go away."
It was like when he was younger and would play in the yard, he always ended up with a scraped knee or elbow. It was back when he was loved. His mother would smile at him and kiss his wound before saying: "It'll go away. If you ignore it long enough, it will go away."
His father said the same thing.
Hisoka believed them, he'd trust his parents and ignore the pain until it faded into nothing and he would simply play again.
"If you ignore it, it will eventually go away."
His parents used that to explain everything. Even when they didn't say it aloud, he could still feel it with his empathy. They used it for storms, colds, nightmares, and wounds. It wasn't until he was seven did they begin using it for him.
"Kaa-san? Tou-san?"
"Oh no, it's the demon Nagare-san! The demon-child!" my mother wailed.
His father's stern voice, "It's alright. If you ignore it, it will eventually go away."
I didn't want to go away, but I was frightened by the phrase. It had worked for everything else that went wrong... why shouldn't it work for me?
Hisoka continued shaking, no matter how long it had taken... he did eventually "go away". He died in the hospital, leaving his parents in a relieved state. They had ignored the demon-child and then he went away. Just like the storms, the colds, the nightmares, and the wounds. Even now he could feel the pain in his side subsiding, he wasn't paying attention to it anymore.
"I don't wanna go away..." his voice murmured, sounding distant. "I don't wanna go away..."
Hisoka yearned for comfort, something he didn't normally do, but being trapped within his memories, in the dark, while it was storming made him uneasy and slightly sick.
Shattered glass was strewn about the floor, he had dropped the flashlight and the glass around the bulb had scattered. As he stared through tear-stained eyes, the door didn't seem so far away. He could probably make it. With a lurching feeling, an image of Muraki on the other side of the door flashed in his mind, leaving a crumpled and sobbing Hisoka in it's wake.
Why am I so weak? Why am I so pathetic?
Scenes from that night under the sakura tree and the blood red moon replayed in his mind over and over, unable to be stopped by the boy's pleas. Help me... blood splattered onto the ground. Please... a white clad figure stood above him, grinning wildly. Somebody help me! His innocence gone and the curse given. Tsuzuki!
"Tsuzuki! Help me! Make it stop!" he sobbed, but the cry fell upon deaf ears, for no one was there to hear it. "Stop! Stop..."
His shrieks had faded into soundless whispers as he rocked back and forth. His eyes were clamped shut, twin tears squeezing out. No one would come, no one ever did. Slipping into unconsciousness, he was vaguely aware of the roll of thunder passing by overhead.
It's alright. If you ignore it, it will eventually go away...
Hisoka glared at his reflection, something that looked quite disturbing at the moment. Dark circles hung around limpid pools of a dull green, his face pale and blotchy with a large, ugly bruise that was taking it's time to heal. He'd washed his face several times and showered once, but he still looked like hell and it was only 7:00 in the morning.
Groaning out of iritation, Hisoka lowered his gaze and ran his fingers through his hair. There was no way he'd be able to hide this from anyone, especially Tsuzuki. The man would be on his case all day and would insist on walking him home and staying for a while. A blush crept to his cheeks as he thought of his partner, the idea didn't sound so bad... he wouldn't be alone if Tsuzuki stayed with him. Yet, being babyed wasn't something Hisoka particularly enjoyed.
Once again glaring at his reflection, the green-eyed boy relented and would just keep his distance from others. He'd give them no incentive for worrying and avoid all possible contact. Maybe by going in early, he could leave the office quickly.
With that thought in mind, Hisoka splashed another handful of water to his face before leaving his house. He'd be two hours early. Frowning, he rubbed at his eye sleepily and shuffled into the kitchen.
It was still a little dark, for the storm still raged and the power was still out. Despite the fact it was hard to see, he set about making some tea that was caffinated to keep him awake during the day. Getting about two hours of sleep in total was not going to last him, so he needed at least two cups before going to work and drinking two more to lower suspiscion.
The tea warmed him, doing the exact opposite of what he wanted. The tea was slowly lulling him to sleep. After draining the first cup, Hisoka gave up on getting a second and instead teleported to the office.
He arrived right at the front door to the Shokun Division, entering briskly only to find it near empty. Only two others besides himself could be seen. The secretary, Tatsumi, was one of them because he had a lot of filing to prepare and work on. The other was Wakaba, who was setting up the break room for those who came wanting breakfast, namely Tsuzuki. Hisoka blinked in a stupor, he had been expecting more people. Baka... why would anyone in their right mind come to work early unless obligated?
"Ah, good morning Kurosaki-kun. What brings you here so early?" Tatsumi noticed the estranged boy, who was slowly making his way towards his office.
Hisoka glanced up abruptly, "Oh, 'morning..."
"Hisoka-san!" Wakaba smiled and rushed over to him to give him a proper greeting, but stopped in her tracks when she saw the exhaustion clearly written on his face. "Hisoka-san, are you alright?"
Upon further inspection, Tatsumi also took in the posture and dull life that seemed to be Hisoka Kurosaki. "You don't look well, Kurosaki-kun. Is something wrong?"
Fuming slightly, he wrapped his arms about his shoulders, clutching at the fabric of his jacket, and scowled at the ground, "I'm fine, just a little tired. The storm kept me up, that's all."
Relief seeped in through his empathy and Hisoka looked up just in time to see their reactions. Wakaba had relaxed visably, whilst Tatsumi remained impassive and emotionless. He cringed under Tatsumi's gaze, hoping that there would be no more inquiries to his appearence. The girl beside him noticed this, finding a way to assist by demanding Hisoka's help in the kitchen. The boy was whisked off, leaving a thoughtful Tatsumi in the hall.
"Some coffee, Hisoka-san?" Wakaba asked, looking up from the cake she was decorating.
Hisoka was stirring something he couldn't remember the name to, and nodded quietly. Soon, something warm was pressed into his hand and he took it gratefully. Sipping the hot liquid, he nearly choked because it burnt his tongue. Once getting past the heat, he took comfort in the drink.
"Thanks..." he mumbled, setting the bowl down and cradling his cup with both hands.
She smiled softly at him, "Your welcome. You looked like you could use it. It wouldn't be good for you to fall asleep on the job. Especially with Tatsumi-san and Tsuzuki-san around."
"Wha-?" Hisoka started, but was cut off.
Wakaba continued, "Well, Tatsumi-san would dock your pay. While Tsuzuki-san would make himself sick with worry if you passed out on him."
Blushing from embarassment, Hisoka averted his gaze as he took another sip. "I'm fine. The storm was just too loud for me to get a decent sleep."
"I know," the girl nodded, taking up the forgotten bowl, "We just want to make sure you're okay. Though, we all know you don't like to be fussed over, so I'll tell people to give you your space. Okay?"
He nodded again and gave her a grateful look, before leaving the kitchen and wandering back to his office. Setting the coffee down on his desk, he was dismayed to find that it was already half-empty. A frown graced his face, but sat down nonetheless. Taking a sheet of paper, he began filling out a report.
Once nearly finished with it, Hisoka became aware of new presences. Watari and Terazuma had arrived recently, not really surprising though, they were normally at work before him. The empath knew the two had arrived within the time given since he left the door open. The power was out here too and, despite the constant berating of himself, Hisoka wouldn't stand it if the door was shut and the room was dark. Shuddering, he turned his attention back to the report.
His calming silence was shattered when a shout burst forth from the front doors of the division. "I CAN'T FIND HIM!"
Sounds of surprise, startle, and annoyance filled the air, Hisoka himself shaken by the sudden outburst. He sighed, rubbing his temples when he placed the voice. It was a voice that he new all too well.
"Tsuzuki-san, calm down. Who is it that you can't find?" Tatsumi.
"Tsuzuki! How wonderful to see you! But what's with all the yelling?" Watari.
"Oh, Tsuzuki-san, what's wrong?" Wakaba.
"Shut up already." Terazuma.
Each greeting bothered Hisoka, for each one would be answered with a simple word. His own name. Leaning his head into his arm, he suddenly winced in pain. The bruise on his cheek was still in the process of healing. Plus he was paler than normal and had dark circles beneath his eyes. Perfect. A wonderful welcoming sight for Tsuzuki.
The sound of Tsuzuki's panting rang in his ears, "Hisoka. I can't find Hisoka!"
Sighing yet again, he rose from his desk and walked the length of the room so that he was within perfect sight for the group clustered by Tatsumi's office.
"I'm right here, baka."
All heads turned to face the boy, each with a different expression. Tatsumi had his normal expression, blank. Wakaba gave a faint smile. Terazuma rolled his eyes and frowned. Watari looked confused, tilting his genki head to the side. Tsuzuki's was the worst. A concerned gaze along with slight anger, sadness, and confusion. Suddenly a bright smile lit up his face, the former expression was only fleeting.
"Hisoka! There you are! I found you!" he sang out, bounding over to his younger partner.
The boy turned his head in a way that concealed his bruise, but kept a watchful eye on Tsuzuki. "Yeah, you found me. Now let's get on with life." He didn't mean it in a joking manner, forgetting he was dead for a moment.
He hadn't meant for the words to be so cold. The hidden effect in his words didn't reach Tsuzuki, but caused Hisoka to nearly burst into tears at the cruelty of it all.
"Awww... 'Soka-chan's being a meanie!" he whined, pulling out his chibi-inu look for a pitiful attempt at getting Hisoka to apologize.
Taking no intrest in it, Hisoka merely grunted and then retraced his steps back into the office. Unfortunately for him, he turned in such a way that his exhaustion, sicklyness, and bruise were all apparent. Tsuzuki followed suit, his cheerful aura gone and looked almost as serious as Tatsumi.
"Hisoka..." he started, gazing at the now seated boy, "Hisoka, is something wrong?"
Hisoka stared at his hands, "No. I'm fine." He pulled up his shields, trying to deflect the worry aimed his way.
"You don't look fine."
"I am fine." he replied defiantly, glaring at his hands now.
Tsuzuki remained where he was, "Then why do you look so tired?"
"The storm kept me awake."
His partner remained unconvinced, which stung Hisoka. He was telling the truth! The storm had kept him awake, he had been afraid of it. You can't sleep when you're scared.
"Why are you so tired, Hisoka? Did you have nightmares?" Tsuzuki continued prying into Hisoka's thoughts.
Glaring at the man before him now, Hisoka retorted, "No! I told you, the storm kept me awake! That's all there is to it!"
"Fine." a flicker of hurt shone on his face, but was replaced by perssitance. "Where'd you get that bruise?"
Silence. Then, "I fell out of bed..."
"You fell out of bed?" Disbelief.
Growling now, Hisoka shrunk into his chair, "Yes, I fell out of bed. Now stop asking me questions."
Lightening flashed, causing one to stare out the window in thought and the other to shake uncontrollably. Thunder followed and it took all of Hisoka's will power not to cry out. Tsuzuki sighed, then face his partner again. Hisoka had regained his composure, but still looked slightly shaken.
"Alright, but I'm here if you need to talk to me. Okay?" Hisoka nodded in reply, panic flashing in his eyes as they followed Tsuzuki to the door.
No. Hisoka wanted to say, staring at the door that was now closing behind Tsuzuki. Don't leave.
"OKay. I'm gonna go get some doughnuts now! See you in a bit 'Soka-chan!"
The door was shut and all that was left was Hisoka, wrapping his arms about him and trembling violently. The darkness engulfed gim, just like the previous night, bringing fears along with it. Rocking back and forth in his chair, Hisoka attempted to reassure himself with soft murmurs and strangled gasps as he tried to breath without crying. He wanted Tsuzuki to come back, he didn't want to be alone. When he was alone, the darkness came and tried to take him. When he was alone, the cold came and made him shiver. He didn't want to be alone.
He could hear a clock ticking, but wasn't sure of the time for the darkness hid it from him. Hisoka whimpered, curling up into a tiny ball, trying to shield himself from the storm. He hated the storm for being so scary, just like he hated the dark and being alone. Right now, he was too terrified to think of himself as pathetic, although he knew he was. He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but it felt like hours. His body was cramping, but he dared not move. He would be taken away if he did.
"Hi-hisoka-san?"
Tearful, emerald optics met wide brown ones. He looked so pathetic and small sitting there in the dark, all alone. It was hard to resist the temptation to give him a comforting embrace. A hand was placed on his shoulder, he didn't shrug it off.
"Hisoka-san, what's wrong?" Wakaba asked, the refill of coffee in her hand was long forgotten.
His reply was a faint whisper, "It's dark."
"Yeah, it is dark. It's because of the storm, it cut the power." she said softly, wondering what would make him act this way. It wasn't all that dark either, some candles helped illuminate the room, but apparently he hadn't noticed them.
"I don't like the dark." he mumbled, trembling and hugging himself, shying away from her touch. "I don't like being alone in the dark."
Wakaba pitied him, clasping her hands together and wondering what to do. "Umm, I'll go get Tsuzuki-san, okay? I'll be right back with him."
Hisoka said nothing, he simply continued rocking back and forth. Back and forth, easing the pain. This frightened Wakaba, so she rushed out, calling Tsuzuki as she went. Back and forth, so comforting. Back and forth, he almost forgot the darkness. If he continued doing this, maybe he would forget everything. Back and forth, it was worth and shot. Back and forth, someone was calling him. Oh well. Back and forth, this was more comforting. Back and forth, strong hands gripped his shoulders.
Violet eyes bored into his own, searching his soul and filled with guilt and concern. Why? He hadn't done anything wrong. Why did he feel guilty?
Hisoka shuddered, "Ts-tsuzuki?" His voice was weak and strained, it was so difficult to talk.
"I'm sorry," the grip on his shoulders tightened, "I'm so sorry, Hisoka."
He was confused, really tired and dazed too, "Why? I should be sorry... I took you away from your doughnut..."
The sad sigh he heard in Tsuzuki's voice made him realize that now wasn't the time for jokes, Tsuzuki had taken it seriously, "You're more important than a doughnut, Hisoka!"
"Even a chocolate one?" he was losing it, when you start comparing yourself with a chocolate doughnut something is very wrong.
He could hear a sad smile in his partner's voice, "Yes, even more important than a chocolate one."
"O...kay..." Hisoka mumbled before going limp in his chair, nealy falling out.
Tsuzuki took the boy in his arms, already recieving permission from Tatsumi to take him home. As the thunder roared again, the two shinigami disappeared, leaving an empty office.
"You can go home now, I'm fine." He sent his partner a death glare from the chair he sitting in.
As soon as they had arrived in his apartment, Hisoka had awoken and immediately declared that he would not lay in his bed. The debate had gone on for fifteen minutes until Tsuzuki gave in and set the boy in his favorite chair. Then he had gone and made him some tea, followed by a quick trip back to the office for some soba noodles. It had been a few hours and neither said a word. Hisoka knew Tsuzuki was waiting for him to fall asleep, because he knew that he needed it. However, Hisoka didn't want to sleep for fear of waking up alone and it wasn't as if he could just ask Tsuzuki to stay over. That just wasn't Hisoka's way.
Tsuzuki glanced over from the window he'd been staring out of, it was still storming, "Hnn? Oh, well I just want to make sure you get some sleep 'Soka-chan."
"Don't call me that..." he grumbled. "Besides... I'm not tired."
"You look tired." the man pointed out the obvious, grinning slightly.
Hisoka let out a 'hmph' then looked away, sulking a bit. "Whatever..."
There was a long lapse of silence, one looking dejected as his smile failed him and the other struggling to keep his eyes open. Finally, the purple-eyed shinigami rose, recieving a quick glance of fear and startle.
"If it'll help you get some sleep, I'll leave 'Soka-chan. But I will be back to check on you periodically to make sure you do." he crossed the room to the door, pausing only when he felt a slight tremor in the air.
Whipping around, Tsuzuki gazed at Hisoka who was staring after him. He shivered, he didn't have to be an empath to see that the boy was terrified of being alone. I wonder why? Tsuzuki thought, retracing his steps so that he was beside Hisoka again.
"'Soka? What's wrong?" he asked softly, kneeling down so he was eye-level with his partner.
Hisoka frowned, but the fear never left his eyes no matter how hard he tried. "B-baka. Nothing's wrong..."
"Stop saying that. You don't look well, Hisoka. Please tell me what's wrong, I want to help." Tsuzuki pleaded with the blonde boy.
"I don't need your help." Hisoka growled, then stood from the chair to emphasize this. Unfortunately, he became dizzy from standing so abruptly and fell to the floor.
Tsuzuki merely chuckled at the sight of his frustrated partner, thinking the fall had been cute. When Hisoka didn't get back up, the violet-eyed shinigami frowned and then stood up himself. Stooping down to pick Hisoka up, Tsuzuki was granted with silent permission to do so.
"C'mon, 'Soka." he grinned, "Let's get you to bed."
Hisoka blushed fiercely, but made no further attempt to escape as he was carried bridal style to his room. "Fine." was all he muttered.
Entering his room, Hisoka remembered the events of that night when he'd been huddled in the corner sobbing. The glass was still scattered on the floor and the flashlight as well. His bed, however, had been made neatly. Tsuzuki set Hisoka on the covers and then went to get a blanket from the boy's closet. He pulled it around Hisoka's fragile frame and stepped back.
"Goodnight 'Soka, get some sleep." he smiled warmly at the teen.
Hisoka watched as Tsuzuki turned away and began for his door. Biting his lower lip, he was unsure of whether or not to ask the man to stay. Finally, in a small whisper, he spoke out, "Are you leaving?"
As if expecting this, Tsuzuki was already facing his partner from across the room. "Only if you want me to."
Silence met the man's reply, which he took as a rejection. In the dark, he couldn't see the conflicting emotions upon the blonde's face. Yet, he waited for a reply from his partner, Tsuzuki owed it to him.
Finally Hisoka snorted and rolled onto his side. "Baka." he muttered, "What do you think?"
Tsuzuki grinned sheepishly at him, the boy with large green eyes who peered up at him from the blanket cocoon. "Well, then. I'll stay."
Hisoka merely grunted, then snuggled even further into his blanket, yet he never took his eyes off Tsuzuki. It seemed he was waiting for his partner's reaction. Would he stay in the bedroom? Or continue into the living room? This caused Hisoka to worry a little, he didn't know if he would continue to be reassured by Tsuzuki if he wasn't in the room with him, but he didn't want to seem like a little kid.
"You want me to stay in here with you?" Tsuzuki broke the silence, only to be answered by a roll of thunder. The flash of lightening only served to reveal the horror-striken expression Hisoka wore. The violet-eyed shinigami's grin faded at the sight of said partner. "Hisoka?"
"Please." the boy whispered, curling up into a small ball.
Nodding his consent, Tsuzuki crossed the distance between himself and Hisoka with four strides. He seated himself on the edge of the bed and gazed down upon the boy. He looked so helpless, innocent, and young there, a reflection of the child that no one ever saw. A lump grew in his throat, anger and despair flooding him, only ceasing when Hisoka cringed.
"What?" the empath mumbled, trying to sound annoyed but failing miserably.
Tsuzuki blinked stupidly for a few moments, then replied: "Nothing. Just thinking about the storm."
Hisoka scowled and squirmed in his blankets for a moment before speaking, "I don't like it."
"The storm?"
"Yeah..." A pout appeared on Hisoka's pale, boyish face and Tsuzuki just wanted to glomp said boy at the sight of it. "I want it to go away."
"So do I." Tsuzuki replied softly, shifting his gaze to the window. The blinds were open and the lightening had clear access to brightening up the room. The rain was coming down in sheets and the wind whistling loudly. Anouther roll of thunder and another shudder on Hisoka's part. Tsuzuki looked down at his partner again, only to find that his eyes had also been drawn to the window.
"It always does this..." he mumbled, not taking his gaze off the glass pane.
Tsuzuki tilted his head to the side, "Hmm?"
"It taunts me... scares me... I hate it. I want it to stop and go away." Hisoka was too caught up in the storm to spare a second thought to how he was speaking. It was as if he really was the child he was often accused of being. "Why won't it stop?"
"I don't know, Hisoka." was all that the man could reply, "It will soon enough though. Just don't think about it."
An uncomfortable look flickered on Hisoka face, he shifted under the covers again. Tsuzuki watched him, observed the emotions colliding on the boy's face as he came to a decision. His eyes were still glued to the window as he spoke, another flash of lightening illuminating his expression. Melancholy.
"If you ignore it, it will eventually go away." he muttered, "That's what they told me... about everything. Get a scrape, ignore it and it will go away. Have a nightmare, ignore it and it will go away. Scared of a storm, ignore it and it will go away. It worked every time."
Tsuzuki noticed how his voice choked at the end, as if supressing something. A wetness was building up behind Hisoka's eyes, Tsuzuki wanted desperately to wipe away all the tears that he was to shed, but all he could do was listen right now. That's what Hisoka needed right now.
"Every damn time..." Hisoka was trying very hard not to cry now, "You know why? Because it's true for everything. Even me..."
Tsuzuki knew now, his partner was speaking of his parents. He drew in a sharp breath and at the same time Hisoka choked on a sob.
"They ignored me and I went away." he whimpered, now looking straight into Tsuzuki's violet orbs with desperate, frightened emerald ones. "I went away..."
"Hisoka..." Tsuzuki breathed, unsure of what to do. Impulse told him to wrap his arms around his partner and reassure him, but how would he react to that? Overwhelming the empath wouldn't be such a good idea.
"I didn't want too..." he was crying now, eyes squeezed shut and lips trembling, "But they ignored me. And-and I couldn't stop it. I didn't want to be ignored."
Warm arms drew Hisoka into a comforting embrace, emotions of kindness, sympathy, affection, and guilt seeped into him, but all reassuring him. He clung to Tsuzuki, sobbing into his chest and wraping his frail arms around his partner's shoulders.
"Shhh..." Tsuzuki rubbed Hisoka's back lightly, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. "It's okay Hisoka. You're here now, with me. It's okay. I'm here, I won't ignore you."
"Tsuzuki..." his voice squeaked, and his hold tightened.
They sat like that for a long time, until Hisoka's sobs subsided and Tsuzuki had eased himself into a position so that he was lying on the bed with his back against the headboard. Hisoka was half on top of him, still clinging tightly as if he were to let go and one of them would vanish.
"Tsuzuki..?" the tiny whisper was almost nonexistant, the quiver in his voice revealing how tenative he was about breaking the silence.
Tsuzuki looked down into the mop of wheat tresses, wanting to see Hisoka's eyes, "Hmm? What is it Hisoka?"
"Stay?"
Emerald optics met violet ones and Tsuzuki's heart flip flopped at the innocence reflected in the boy's pleading gaze. The expression of desperate need topped the older shinigami's best puppy-look by far. He took in every curve of Hisoka's face, each delicate feature. The way his pink lips trembled, pursed, or quirked upwards ever so slightly. His normally cold eyes that shone a brilliant shade of green. His pale, but soft skin that blushed much too easily. The strands of golden hair that fell in his face every so often. Each time Tsuzuki looked at Hisoka like this, it got so much harder to resist temptation.
Taking Tsuzuki's silence as rejection, Hisoka began squirming and trying to free himself from the embrace the arms provided for him. Shaken from his reverie, he stared as his partner curled away from him. He pouted, then reached out to the other, holding his arm gently and drawing him back.
"Let go." Hisoka growled, surprising the brunette.
"No."
The teen struggled against Tsuzuki, "I said, let go."
"And I said no. You're staying put 'Soka." he smiled and pulled him in further.
Hisoka complied, appearing neither eager nor reluctant to have the familiar sensations of warmth, comfort, and affection seep into him. Lost in the emotions of his partner, he could only mumble and incoherent 'sorry' before snuggling into the steady rise and fall of Tsuzuki's chest.
Pressing his lips lightly into Hisoka's hair, Tsuzuki thought this scene very sweet, though uncharacteristic, of the empath. "I'll stay, Hisoka. I promise."
When Hisoka showed no reaction to these words other than wrapping his arms around Tsuzuki's waist, he thought the boy to be asleep. Leaning his head back against the wall, he got a better view of him. When the room remained dark and the angelic face of his partner didn't illuminate, it was then that Tsuzuki realized somewhere during the sobs and embrace the storm had ceased. He sighed with content and let his fingers play with the strands of sun-kissed locks, running his hand through them and bringing it down to lightly caress the pale cheek wet with tears.
"No more tears 'Soka." he murmured, drifting off himself, "I love you."
Tsuzuki's head lolled to the side after a while, a sure sign that he was asleep. He thought his words had gone upon deaf ears, but he'd been wrong. Hisoka looked up at his protector, watching him sleep peacefully for quite some time. His mind racing as he tried to piece together his own feelings for Tsuzuki. His security, his baka, his life basically.
"I do too..." Hisoka whispered softly, closing his eyes and nuzzling his head into his partner's chest, "I... I love you too..."
The claim made upon his lips was unexpected. The kiss was chaste, but still just as sweet. The feel of Tsuzuki's lips on his was lingering, his eyes having opened once the warmth left them. He blinked. Tsuzuki was in the same position he'd been in when Hisoka confessed in reply. Thinking about it now, he couldn't even recall if the kiss had even occured. But something... there it was. Tsuzuki's lips were turned up in a secretive smile, as if he knew something and wouldn't be telling anytime soon.
Hisoka frowned for a moment's time, then gave up and curled up beside Tsuzuki. He'd pester the man tomorrow, right now he was tired. Crying could really wear a person down, not to mention he hadn't had a decent night's sleep in a while. Placing his head on Tsuzuki's shoulder, he basked in the warmth provided. As he slipped into a dreamless sleep, he grasped his partner's hand in his and gave a gentle squeeze.
"Baka."
Owari