AN: Oh My Goodness... I have updated. I feel as though I have been living in an insane asylum for the last few months. The sad thing is I had half the chapter already written months ago. Okay. My resolution is to have this finished in the 2 months. I am moving, so I need an outlet for frustration.

Thanks SOOOO much to everyone that has reviewed. Hershey hugs to all. You are wonderful. On with the show, however short it may be.

Disclaimer: What do you mean they are not mine? I really really wanna keep Roxton, even if he is being stupid right now. Can I buy him?

Chapter 6: It Don't Mean a Thing

Roxton had been sitting at the bar for hours. Hours upon hours. He had hoped by now he wouldn't have any conscious thought left in his brain, but he did. How he did, he had no clue. It had been his goal. Anything to numb the pain. He failed even that. Roxton slumped further into his chair. Even in a drunken state, his heart hurt immensely. He had hurt Marguerite. He told her he was unhappy with everything. He even said he didn't know if he loved her anymore. What was he thinking? If possible, he slumped further into the chair. Any lower and he would be sitting on the floor.

"Another drink" he yelled loudly to the barkeep. "And hurry it up!"

The bartender looked at the drunken idiot and shook his head. This chump had been in here for almost 5 hours and had drunk enough for a whole ship of sailors. There was no way he was giving him another drink. "I don't think so, mate. You have definitely had enough."

Roxton summoned his worst glare for the man and shouted even louder at him, "I am a peer of the Realm and you do not tell me when I have bloody well had enough." He leaned over the bar as he shouted, almost falling over the bar and onto the man.

"What is your problem?" Jeff asked as he pushed the man back into his chair. He held his breath a moment, worried the stupid git would fall off the chair backwards. He didn't and Jeff thankfully let go of his breath. He did not need any problems or legal issues because this drunk could not stay on his chair.

"Everything. Everything is a problem," Roxton whispered, putting his head to rest on the bar. He hoped it would end the spinning.

"Well, mate, why don't you tell me the problem and maybe it won't seem bad enough to warrant death by ale." Jeff put on a smile and shored up his listening mask. If he could get him talking and not drinking, things would work out fine.

"I am an idiot… a stupid idiot…. A bloody-"

Jeff cut him off. "OK. I get it. You are an idiot. This has to do with what?" he asked, hoping to get him moving and out of the bar in a reasonable time and manner.

"Everything. I screwed up everything. I cannot even get drunk properly." Roxton's voice lowered and took on an emotional edge.

"You look drunk enough to me, mate."

"Not drunk enough. I hurt my lovely lady. The woman I promised to love forever, to always set straight, to never give up on. She saved my life more than once you know. She is so… beautiful. I could get lost in her long raven tresses or her soulful eyes. But no…" John paused, fighting down the lump that had appeared in his throat. He was silent for a long moment and Jeff wondered if he had passed out. "I told her that…that my uncle and all my 'friends' did not think she was a suitable bride. That I was having second thoughts about marrying her. I told my beautiful Marguerite that I didn't love her…" Roxton trailed off, becoming too miserable to speak.

Jeff looked at him and shook his head. For a moment, he had actually started to feel sorry for the man. Up until the uncle bit. The man looked like he was probably a good guy normally, but he was right about himself at this moment. 'He really is an idiot.' "What did you do a thing like that for?"

Roxton moaned and wrapper his arms around his head. "I just told you. My uncle says she is not appropriate for a Lord. He said the others would never accept her and I would be making it difficult to keep our status and she had too much past history."

Jeff shook his head. "Yeah right mate. What's the real reason?"

Roxton lifted his head off the bar and gave the old bartender an intense look. "I- I am not sure I am good enough for this," he whispered almost too quietly for Jeff to hear him.

"Whatcha mean this?"

Roxton waved his hand erratically over the bar and himself. "This… This life, this duty, this responsibility. It was never supposed to be mine. This was my brother's life. I can't replace my brother…" He looked straight into the bartender's eyes and mumbled, "How can I live my brother's life."

Jeff looked into Roxton's eyes and swore he say a very tortured soul in them. "Look, mate. I don't think we are supposed to live someone else's life. Stop trying. Live your own. Make your own choices. You cannot be afraid to stand up to everyone and take control. You're a 'Peer of the Realm' you said, start acting like it."

Roxton turned away from the man's pressing look and glanced at his drink. "You don't understand."

"I understand perfectly. You are afraid of failing, of letting everyone down and not being as good as your brother."

"I am NOT afraid of anything," Roxton spat out.

"Then damn well act like it! Grow a few and go home. And talk to your girl. Own up to your faults and beg forgiveness. If she loves you, she'll understand, after she makes ya pay for it, that is."

Roxton just stared at the man as if he had grown two heads. He shook himself out of his daze and actually smiled for the first time in quite a while. As he headed out the door and to a cab, he threw out his parting words over his shoulder at the bartender. "I will… and she will."

His head hurt, but the pain was surprisingly helpful. He honestly had no idea how he had gotten to bed last night, but he remembered the conversation with the bartender at the bar. The man had made sense, even in the alcoholic haze. He needed to stop living a life comparing himself to William and how he would have lived this life. He needed to let go and move on. He WAS a lord and it was HIS life. He felt as though he had awakened from a dream and clearly thinking for the first time in quite a while.

He had been up for a while, thinking of the right way to apologize to Marguerite. He knew he would have a lot of things to make up for not the least of which was the horrible things he had said and did. Roxton walked slowly out of his room and into the hall. He had already looked in her room and found that despite the still earliness of the morning, she was not still in bed. He stopped in various rooms throughout the manor, looking in each for signs of his lovely lady.

He grew a little panicky upon reaching the library, her favorite room, and seeing no sign of her. Moments after entering the cozy room, Charles found him.

"Charles, have you seen Marguerite this morning? I seem to have misplaced her" he chuckled, trying to ease his mind.

"Not this morning, sir, but I saw her go out last night after you. She looked like she was carrying a tattered bag or suitcase."

"What!" Roxton tried not to panic.

"Yes, sir. I believe I saw a note for you on the fireplace here in the library." With that, Charles left the young man's presence.

Roxton walked quickly to the fireplace and sure enough, there was an envelope with his name on it. He stared at his name written in her beautiful handwriting. He took a deep breath and tore open the envelope. As he took out the note, he heard a clink. The sound of metal striking stone. He absentmindedly picked up the fallen object as his eyes ran over the note. As he read the note, his eyes were drawn to the shiny object.

Dear Roxton,

I have thought a long while over this. I have to leave. I am giving you your space. I cannot stay here if your heart, if your love has really changed. Please take care of yourself.

Love, Marguerite

P.S. Keep the ring. I don't want it. I realized that without love, it does not mean anything. It is just a rock. Do with it what you will.

The note fell to the ground un-noticed. All Roxton's attention was on his hand. She had truly left and ran. She ran away from him believing he did not love her, at least, not enough. His trembled and his legs gave out. He sank to the floor without a word. As the tears fell, he did not even bother to try and stop them; he could only stare at the golden circle in the palm of his hand. It was exactly like this, that his mother found him an hour later.

Next up- Chapter 7: Chasing Rainbows