You can't start a fire sitting 'round crying over a broken heart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
You can't start a fire worrying about your little world falling apart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
- Dancing in the Dark, Bruce Springsteen
Stan really enjoyed the first few days of spring. The air seemed lighter, cooler, and there was a more distinguished feel in the atmosphere. The sun beat softly and comfortably down on the back of their necks, and the wind tussled their hair gently. It was all-in-all a beautiful day. They were at the Denver Zoo, spending the day causing wild animals grief and the zoo itself general havoc. Randy Marsh had some sort of meeting in Denver that Sunday, and had agreed to drop the boys off at the zoo.
They all had their favorites they were eager to see. To be fair, everyone does, but after Stan admitted he wanted to see the wolves, and Kyle wanted to see the cheetahs, and Kenny wouldn't rest until he saw the lions, they were all shocked that Cartman wanted to see the koalas. "They have fuckin' awesome claws and a helluva temper," he had argued, but they all knew he liked their cute and cuddlyness.
Stan had been annoyed that Kenny hadn't explained to him how he would go about making Wendy jealous, but he knew it was something he wanted to do. He wanted Wendy to realize what she was missing, and she'd want him more than she had realized. He wanted to play her game; tease her and taunt her like he had no soul. Gazing out into the polar bear exhibit, he went over his own plans, pondering over what Kenny could possibly have up his sleeve. The boy always had odd plans, and he hoped this one wasn't so bizarre it would damage him in a way he knew only Kenny could manage.
Cartman was over at the seals and sea lions, barking loudly and obnoxiously at them. "Stupid things don't fucking move," he snapped, throwing his slushie down into the pit and nailing one in the head. Cartman laughed at his own cruel deed, and Kyle smacked him in the back of the head. "You bastard," he growled, "That could probably make the thing sick."
"Yeah, well Kyle, you and your Jew-ness makes me sick. So suck my fat one, dildo."
"C'mon ladies," Kenny said with a grin, throwing an arm around the shoulders of each boy. "Can't we play nice?" He rolled his eyes at Kyle's quick shout of 'no!' and took his turn with smacking Cartman in the back of the head. He danced excitedly towards the African section of the zoo, eager to see the king of the jungle. The other boys chased after him, not wanting to be separated and ready to move on to the other animals.
While Kyle and Cartman were busy arguing over whether zebras were black with white stripes or white with black stripes, Kenny pulled Stan aside to look at the lions. "See that, Stan? See how proud and majestic these things are?" Stan arched a brow, stuffing his hands into his pockets. He decided to humor the boy and nod. "That's how you should be, Stan. You shouldn't let this chick cripple you. We've all said it before but I'll say it again; I don't get why you're so gung-ho over her, especially when she sends the picture that all she wants is physical pleasure. But anyways, watch these lions, Stan. Watch how not one of the females is leading the male lion on and then screwing him over."
Stan chuckled. "They aren't, because they can't."
"Right, okay. Well, I guess lions were the wrong example, Stan. Ha, I was probably just letting my inner lion-fag roar, y'know?"
"Why do you like them so much?"
"Why?" Kenny repeated, as if the question was barbaric, "Because they're the king of the savannah, and fuck wildly."
Stan gazed through the glass at the lone wolf who had decided to break loose from the den and peer through the glass at them. He had a creamy coat and a sturdy frame, and Stan smiled at the fact that Sparky would not hesitate to 'make love' with the larger canine. He became aware of Kenny's reflection suddenly appearing beside his, and closed his eyes. "What, Kenny?"
"Maybe wolves are a better example," he said simply, bent on trying to make his point to Stan through the animal kingdom. "They're loyal, trustworthy, just like your average dog. They have a mate for life and remain loyal to that mate. And only the alphas can take up a mate and breed." He smacked Stan's back. "Be the alpha male, Stan. Show Wendy that you are capable of being trustworthy and loyal. Make her howl, Stanny. Make her howl long and hard." He snickered at the last line, thinking highly of himself for being able to slip something perverted in.
"Kenny, you're weird," Stan replied smartly, although he was pondering over what Kenny had just told him. "So you want me to make her jealous by being a wolf?"
Shaking his head, Kenny responded, "No. Not what I meant. I meant the whole wolf jargon to be how you should act. I mean, don't be some pussy-ass koala like Cartman. Make her jealous by pretending to take up another mate, and showing Wendy what she's missing out on."
"When'd you become so insightful?"
Kenny merely looked at the wolf, who in turn blinked and simply trotted away. "Look," Kenny pointed, "That wolf got away. Don't let yours do the same."
Kyle leaned over the railing, his eyes sparkling with delight as the cheetah paced back and forth, it's golden coat glistening in the soft spring sun. He ran a hand through his fiery curls and sat on the railing, continuing to gaze at the female over his shoulder. Stan slurped on his fountain drink and Cartman was eating some fried chicken, compliments of the food court. Kenny was currently in the bathroom, and the other three didn't care to know what he was doing. He returned with a stupid grin and a brand new hickey on his neck. They ignored it and continued to go about their business.
"Hey Stan," he chirped, giggling. "I think you can start your plan a little early."
"What plan?"
"Guess who I passed on the way back from the bathroom?"
"Who?"
"Bebe."
"What?"
"Bebe."
"What do you mean?"
"Jesus Christ Stan, you're not too bright, are you?" Kenny quirped, rolling his eyes. "You're gonna go out with Bebe."
"WHAT?"
"You're gonna catch yourself a wolf, Stanny, by having a sheep in wolf's clothing." His brows furrowed as he realized he had butchered the saying, but otherwise dismissed it.
"I-I can't do that," Stan pointed out, knowing instantly the plan might crash and burn horribly. Everything that had happened so far concerning Wendy had left Stan hurting even more than begin with. He probably couldn't afford to go through with another screw-up. He knew that with each disappointment it was like a blow to the stomach, knocking the breath out of him and forcing him to keel over on the ground in one of the most vulnerable positions he could muster. He didn't know how many more blows it would take until he would just stop breathing. But how could he explain this to Kenny? The boy seemed so proud of himself, and Stan knew damn well that Kenny probably couldn't understand how he felt. Stan didn't know of the hours Kenny spent wondering how Stan felt and envying him, for the mere fact of feeling something beyond lust and a fiery churn in the groin.
"C'mon Stan," Kenny said, throwing his arm around the boy's shoulders. "Who knows? Maybe you'll even have fun with Bebe." He winked and laughed, and at that point Kyle had hopped off the railing and joined Stan by his side.
"Dude, Kenny, if he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to," he argued softly, looking at Kenny with quiet yet stern eyes. "It's up to him."
"Oh I know that," he responded with a wave of his hand. "But people are going to wonder if he's, y'know, gay, if he doesn't get out there and be public with a girl. Aw Hell, Stan, I don't mean to totally fucking snog her in front of everyone, just kinda hang out. Like I said, you might have fun, or even, dare I say it, like her. Gasp." He grinned toothily and slapped Stan on the back. "Great Stan, knew ya would do it." He left Kyle and Stan in silence, their mouth's hanging open.
"I didn't say yes, did I, Kyle?"
"No, I don't think so."
"Ah. Fuck."
They became aware of Cartman's evil, maniacal laugh as they stood their in disbelief. "Haha, oh man, you guys gotta see this!" They turned slowly, almost afraid to see what he was doing, and witnessed him throwing rocks at the Galapagos turtle exhibit right beside the cheetahs. The pebbles and stones bounced off their shells, and they looked up at Kyle with seemingly-pleading eyes. A rock cracked one in the head, and it slowly and depressingly pulled it's head back into it's shell, hiding from the monster that was Eric Cartman.
"God dammit, dude," Kyle sighed through his teeth, "You are so going to Hell when you die." Cartman responded to this almost-daily remark by leaning in the exhibit as far as he could go, and smacking another turtle in the head with a stick.
"That's a bad turtle! Bad turtle!"
"Ow, Jesus-tap-dancing-Christ, is this really necessary, Kyle?"
"I'm afraid so," Kyle responded grimly, filing Stan's nails raw. "I know you guys nag on me for being so clean and prim all the time, but your nails are just plan disgusting, and I doubt Wendy will be jealous of Bebe for going out with a guy whose nails give a potato farmer great competition."
Stan rolled his eyes at Kyle's remarks. He was right, they all did make fun of him for being almost metro, but Stan had to admit that Kyle looked nice all the time, and was utterly surprised he didn't have some kind of girl. They probably thought he was gay or something. Sighing, Stan allowed Kyle to have his way with his nails, until he felt yet another sharp pain on his finger. "God damn, are you ripping the nails off or something?" Kyle ignored him and continued onto the next hand.
"Oo, you're lookin' hot," Kenny said, appearing out of nowhere and sliding behind Stan. He put his hands on Stan's shoulders and massaged them, smirking and mustering laughter as he did so. "Oh, Stanny! I can not resist you any longer! Especially with such hot, bodacious fingernails! Take me! Take me right here and now, on this chair, with Kyle watching!"
Stan shrugged Kenny off and slapped him in the back of the head with his free hand. "Shut the fuck up, you loser," he said, obviously trying to hold his own laughter. Kyle was giggling, and plopped Stan's hand down. "All done," he beamed proudly, grinning widely from ear to ear. "Bebe's gonna want to hold onto you and never let go," he said, almost smugly. His facial features faltered for a brief second, but the whole situation was so bizarre it made him smile again. He couldn't believe he gave his best guy friend a manicure.
Stan brought his hands to his face and gazed at the nails. "Ugh, I feel so totally gay right now, it's not even funny. I'm not too sure about showing up on a date with feminine fingers. It's not...manly." He sighed and looked from Kyle to Kenny. "She better not mention them to me or to anyone, or I will kick both your asses."
Kenny plopped into the chair beside them, sprawled out with one leg over the back of the chair and one on the arm. "So where ya takin' her, Stanny? The Silver Pheasant?" He said the last words with a thick sarcasm and cruel jeer, only to receive several punches from Kyle.
"Uh, no. Just Roscoe's."
"Oh good, maybe she'll let you have some pussy-burger for dinner."
Stan was finally ready at five o' clock, wearing a gray shirt with black sleeves and another pair of jeans with holes in the knees. Sighing nervously he stood in front of the mirror, Kenny and Kyle on either side of him. Naturally Cartman could care less about what was going on, and decided he wanted to stay home that night and watch television. They both wore a proud expression on their faces as they scanned Stan over with satisfied grins. "Stanny-boy," Kenny said, slapping him on the back once more, "You look hot. When Wendy sees Bebe with this studmuffin, she'll regret her decision to use you."
"But I don't want to use Bebe," Stan pleaded, looking at the floor. "Doing this is making me no better than Wendy."
"And yet," Kenny interjected, "You asked her out."
"No, dipshit," Kyle spoke up, "You asked Bebe out. Stan didn't even say yes, but the poor girl seemed so excited he couldn't tell her otherwise." He scowled, exchanging glances with Stan. Kenny ignored him. They had decided to go to Roscoe's as well. They needed to get out as well but also keep an eye on Stan, in case something went horribly and terribly wrong.
"Listen here, Stanny. You're about to enter a new stage in your life. You're going to discover that there is something beyond your so-called 'love' that you're feeling which torments you and puts you through Hell, and it's called fun. You're going to take Bebe out, you're going to have fun. You're going to make Wendy jealous and piss the fucking bitch off, and hopefully you'll realize that Wendy is the spawn of Satan and Saddam and like other girls instead. Girls who don't spit acid out of their vaginas." Kenny chuckled and handed Stan his watch. Resting a hand on Stan's shoulder, he gazed at their reflections, ignoring the obviously irritated Kyle. "See that guy right there? That mighty-fine lookin' guy? He can get any girl he wants. He can be the best he can be for that girl and make her happy. That's you, Stan. That's Stan the Man."
Stan arrived at Bebe's house promptly at five-thirty. She looked nice; she wasn't beautiful like Wendy or even some of the other girls at school, but she was pretty in her own average way and Stan, of course, didn't notice this. When Bebe answered the door her whole face lit up with excitement and eagerness and she grabbed Stan by the hand and raced to his dad's car, not noticing the bleak look on his face.
"Hey, Stan," she said finally, once they got in the car and situated. "Thanks for taking me out. I haven't been out in forever now. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me." She smiled hopefully at him.
"Oh Jesus Christ," Stan muttered into his hand as he drove towards Roscoe's, the new burger and hot dog joint. It was a good place for the teens to hang out lately, and Kenny told him Wendy was more than likely goingto be there. But now he didn't want to go through with it; Bebe probably really liked him now for asking her out, and all he was doing was using her.
She laughed nervously. "Y'know, I've always been a bit of a romantic, or even a sort of love doctor. Whenever someone had a problem, like you for instance, they'd come to me for advice. But I just haven't been out with a guy in so long I was beginning to doubt myself." She folded her hands across her lap and stared at them. "I- I really like you Stan. Not necessarily love-like, but, I don't know, there's just something about you. I know your date with Wendy didn't go well, and the second she told me what had happened I cursed her for treating someone like you that way. She's my best friend and I love her, but the way she's been acting has made me want to push her off a cliff. Pretty much all of the guys are assholes, but they don't really deserve her treatment. Especially you, because you are as far from an asshole as you could possibly be."
Stan sighed slowly, glancing out the window, then to his lap, then at her. "Bebe, that's not true. I'm pretty close to an asshole. I-"
Bebe held up a hand. "Stan, I know you only asked me out to get back at Wendy. And I'm glad you asked me because I know there are plenty of other girls you could have asked. And it's an excuse for me to spend an evening with you." She laughed. "Listen to me, I sound like I like-like you, and I haven't used that phrase since grade school. Truth is Stan, I find some sort of intrigue in you, but really, I just want to help you get Wendy back." She threw her head back and laughed freely, almost evilly. It gave Stan chills and he found himself joining in on her laughter.
"Well, Bebe," he said, "It's good to see I have someone so close to Wendy on my side. Now it seems I have a fighting chance." He slowed down and pulled into a parking space, got out, opened her door, and offered her his hand, "Come, Bebe, let us fight for what we know is ours." Bebe giggled and took his hand, slinking out of the car slowly. She nodded.
"Damn straight, Stan. Stan the Man." She winked at him, noticing his bewildered face.
They went slowly into the Roscoe's, and unbeknownst to Stan, they were really entering a major battle that he would win.
Author's Note: Ah, that took too long. But Abby's gone now, so I can update more frequently. I'm thinking I'm going to have around twelve or thirteen chapters, and I'm not sure if there will be an epilogue or not. Doubt it. Well, I'm too lazy to list all of my wonderful reviewers (you all really keep me going and I love ya for that), so I shall thank you all as a majority. :D So this was a long chapter for me, I think, and I was going to keep going on until I decided I better continue at the pace I have been going at. -shrug- I'm losing my voice. From yelling at my sister. -le sigh-