Authors Notes: yep, so this is no longer a single one shot. Going to be a series of Vignettes now. Why? Well, why not? Mybe I can become a better comedy writer through practice. Maybe.
Rodney was leaning over the workbench in his lab, toying with his newest (and still unidentified) piece of Ancient's technology an exploration team had found in an abandoned room on the far side of the city. He snorted as he remembered the report. Abandoned room indeed. Of course it was abandoned. The entire city had been abandoned. Well, not the entire city if you counted that alternate timeline elderly Weir they had found a few months back. He was still having a hard time wrapping his head around that one.
Oh well. At least he had a new toy... Er.. project.
He still hadn't figured out what the dumb thing was for and it infuriated him. So much so that he had recently left it alone for an hour to mull over his progress (or lack thereof) while trying to enjoy a sandwich in the mess hall.
He ran hi scanner over it again.. and again… then consulted his laptop and the simulation that was running. The device was roughly square-ish and had two slots in the top. Was it some sort of computer storage media.. maybe the Ancients equivalent of an external zip drive? Now there was a thought….
As he ran yet another simulation a shadow fell over him. Of course, Rodney was too engrossed in his work to notice.
Someone cleared their throat loudly.
Rodney screeched and jumped, almost falling off his stool. He flailed his arms, keeping his balance and spun around, finally clutching his chest.
Sheppard stood there, smiling ever so innocently with his hands clasped behind his back.
"Don't you ever knock?" Rodney cried, still gasping for air.
Sheppard shrugged and leaned over, studying the device on the bench as if he were actually interested in it.
"Well, yes.. Sometimes." He admitted. "But you looked so cute all engrossed in your latest science project."
Rodney snorted. "You make it sound like I'm still in elementary school." He griped as he calmed down. "But seriously, more warning next time, okay? I'm a very delicate person.."
"Not to mention high strung? Have you been raiding the new coffee supply the Daedalus shipped in?"
Letting that slide, Rodney turned his back to the lieutenant Colonel and picked up a screwdriver. "As I was saying, I'm a delicate person, Sheppard. You could have given me a heart attack."
"What? Don't be silly. I've seen you stand toe to toe with Wraith."
"If only there were some Wraith here right now?" Rodney grumbled under his breath.
"What was that?"
"What? Oh, I said … uhm… I could sure use some… Paste.. right now." Rodney then winced inwardly… that comeback sucked.
Sheppard seemed to think so too but kept his input to himself. He just leaned over McKay's shoulder, hands still behind his back, and looked more intently at the box.
"So, what ya doing?"
Rodney sighed and lowered his head, banging it against the table.
"What?" John asked.
"I'm trying to discover what this thing does." He said, exasperated. "And I could do it much quicker if you weren't spending all your time bothering me!"
John quickly stepped back and winced. "Yeah, uhm… Sorry."
Rodney slowly turned around and blinked. "Sorry?" he asked, slowly. "Well, this is a first. I mean, that sounded so sincere." Suddenly the scientist felt bad and his face softened up. "I'm sorry too. I've just hard a very hard and trying day. Say, what dod you come in here for, anyways?"
John shifted on his feet and looked a bit more embarrassed. "Yeah well… about that.. Ya see, I'm actually apologizing for.. uhm.. for my reason of coming here."
"Which is."
"Well, ya see.. I was the leader of the team that brought back the device. And, well, on the way back we were all so famished and decided to get a quick snack before reporting back with our discovery and…."
Looking sheepish, he pulled his hands back around in front to reveal… a square-ish box.
"Well… we accidentally brought you the toaster from the mess hall."
Rodney slowly looked at the silver box on his desk, then at the very similar box in Johns hands.. then back at his own box… His face slowly getting more red every second.
"If this is a toaster… then what the hell is that?"
John looked down at the box and looked even more embarrassed. "uhm.. I don't know. But do you think you could get my toaster strudel out of it.. it was the last blueberry one…"
"Doctor Becket, please respond!"
Carson sighed and sat straighter in his chair at his desk, putting down the tablet PC he had be studiously reading the past hour or so. He picked his radio up off the desk .
"Beckett 'ere." He replied. "What's wrong?"
The voice on the other end of the radio, probably one of new marines from the Daedalus's last visit, sounded confused, yet not all that panicky. "This is Mercer, Doctor. I'm calling from Lab one. There has been a slight accident and I think we could use your assistance.
Lab one. Rodney's lab. And considering he hadn't felt an explosion rock the entire city he was pretty sure it was another of the Canadians minor and rather silly wounds he ended up with bi-weekly. "Aye, I'll be there in a few minutes. What 'appened this time? Did Doctor McKay zap 'imeslf again?" he asked as he picked up his bag.
"Uhm, actually sir.. It's Lieutenant Colonel Sheppard. It looks like he's bee assaulted by…"
Carson noted the nervous pause. "Assaulted by what, lad?"
Mercer sighed and sounded very resigned. "I think Doctor McKay knocked him out… with a thrown toaster.
Becket was silent a moment, trying to picture just what situation could have transpired to end in this way. And found he couldn't.
"Riiiight." He finally said slowly, as he closed his bag. "I'll be right there." He said as he clicked off and made for the transporter.
Bloody children, he groaned inwardly, I shoulda took me mums advice and been a vet. At least sheep aren't as stupid at those two.
I need a new job.