Author's Note: Thank you all, so far, for the great reviews. I am touched you are all enjoying the little oneshots so much. I just hope I haven't 'funnied' myself out yet. Going to be hard to top the last one. Oh well, keep on truckin, right?
It was team night for Atlantis's flagship exploratory squadron and Sheppard, Teyla, Dex and Rodney had gotten dibs of one of the smaller recreation rooms set aside for the personnel's enjoyment. This one was primarily given over to movies as there was a dvd player hooked up to one of the large Atlantian Video Screens. A large couch against the wall provided comfortable seating and there was a small fridge and microwave set up in the corner with snacks.
Teyla sat cross-legged in the center if the couch, a bowl of freshly popped popcorn in her lap. Dex sat beside her, regarding the screen quizzically. On one side of the pair sat Sheppard, flipping through a binder of DVD's and on the other far side of the couch sat Rodney, not looking impressed whatsoever.
"I still don't see the point of this." Dex said matter of factly as he looked onward at the screen. Though both he and Teyla were not accustomed to recorded entertainment of the Tauri's sort, at least the Athosian had the benefit of having watched human movies in her year on Atlantis. "News broadcasts I can understand. Even music. But what is the purpose of these… movies."
Before John could answer, Rodney snorted loudly and readjusted himself on the arm of the couch, draping himself over it uncomfortably. "There /is/ no point." He muttered. "C'mon Sheppard. Find something good this time. They have to have sent us something watchable on the Daedalus. Because I'm not watching Strange Brew again."
John raised a brow. "Why not? That's a great movie." He said. "Besides, you're Canadian. Isn't Strange Brew your national movie or something."
"Oh please, Colonel. That's a stupid stereotype created by you ignorant and, for the most part, illiterate Americans." The scientist griped. "That's like saying we all like Celine Dion, Brian Adams, and Hockey."
"But… You /do/ like hockey."
"Sheppard… Shut up and keep looking!"
Dex looked back and forth between the Tauri as they bantered, like it was some verbal form of tennis. He leaned closer to Teyla, speaking quietly as the two earth men continued their arguing, this time about something called Cheeze Wiz versus Cheese-in-a-can. "What is a Canadian?" he asked the Athosian in a low voice.
"Their home planet has many nations." She whispered back, scooping up another handful of the popcorn. "And though I have not been able to find any Canadia on their maps thus far, culturally the only thing I have been able to determine is that Canadia is just like America, but with less guns and a love for a sport that requires two teams to strap steel blades to their feet and move on ice while hitting small rubber discs at ballistic velocities with curved sticks all while engaging in some brutal form of martial art."
Dex blinked. "Wow." He murmured. "This Canadia sounds like a great place."
"Apparently it has free medical care as well." She told him, "Which would make sense considering this savage ice sport of theirs."
By now John and Sheppard had moved off the various America Versus Canada topics of Beer, Medicare, and a confusing argument about Real Money versus Monopoly money, and both had ended up on the floor pouring over the selection of New DVD's the Daedalus had delivered.
"Okay, so how about Practical Magic?" John asked, holding up the book for everyone to see the cover.
"Oh, those women are pretty." Teyla said.
"Witchcraft?" Dex asked, sounding dubious. "What's so practical about using heretical arts?"
"Chick Flick!" Rodney groaned.
"But it has Sandra Bullock and what's her name…" John protested.
"Nicole Kidman?" Rodney offered with another scowl.
"Yeah, she's hot. I hear she plays a witch with loose morals, if you catch my drift."
"So you want to watch a movie about a bulimic looking witch and her slutty redheaded sister?" Rodney finally asked. "Neither of whom have enough acting ability to fill a leaky thimble? I mean, come on, did you see The Net? Or even worse, Eyes Wide Shut?" he shivered at the memories.
John frowned, and then looked at the two Pegasus humans, neither of whom looked too enamored after Rodney's critique. "Well… if you put it that way.." he mumbled and flipped through the binder. "OH! OH!" he suddenly cried. "Back to the Future!"
Dex blinked. "How does someone go /back/ to the future." He asked, even more confused.
Rodney ignored the large warrior and eyed Sheppard with a killing glare. "Didn't I tell you /not/ to get me started on that movie?" he asked, grumping even more. "There were so many damned holes in that movie…"
"That you could drive a Delorian through them?" John finished for him, looking all so innocent.
Rodney's cool gaze brought the temperature down a few more degrees. John winced and flipped the page. "Alrighty then…" he continued, post haste, "How about… Queen of the Damned?"
That suggestion made Rodney balk. "Oh my God, Sheppard, what is it with you and extremely bad movies?"
"Whaaaaaat? The book was great."
"You actually read the book?
"Well… yeah."
"No no. I'm serious. One of those little square shaped pads of paper with printed words on it or, in your case, easy to understand pictures and used to convey information.
"I do know what a book is, Rodney. You've seen my copy of war and Peace.
"I always thought it was just some exotic doorstop."
"Ha ha, very funny. Anyways, what's wrong with Queen of the Damned."
"What's wrong with it?" he cried. "Besides being based and I mean that oh so loosely, on some trashy mcfiction written by a two-bit hack who wears too much corpse paint and eye shadow? It felt like it was developed when the screenwriter got the idea one night while extremely drunk at a party and a friend came up, even more drunk then him, and told him the story as it had be related to him by an even drunker third party; Who had read the book and never finished it and filled in the blanks with badly remember segments of The Vampire Lestat which, I may ad, was the actual sequel in the series to Interview with a vampire. Then the three got together and and probably drained a few gallons of neurologically damaging wood alcohol."
"Ahh okay. No Queen of the Damned then." John said as he flipped another page. "Kill Bill Volume 1?"
"A movie that looks like it was written and edited by an epileptic sixteen year old drama student on an expired prescription of Ritalin."
"Highlander: Endgame?"
"Oh please. A movie about a man who died and became immortal in his mid twenties and whose actor is now twice that age? Did you see how much make-up Christopher Lambert wore? He looked like Gene Simmons on Botox. And do you really want to see that other Highlander's bare ass?"
John growled and flipped another page. "Terminator?"
"Remember Back to the future? Just thinking of that movie's time traveling plot gives me a headache…"
Dex watched as the pair quickly shot title names and insulting critiques back and forth. He had to admit, he was impressed by McKay's wit though he didn't understand half of the references her made. "Teyla.. is 'Movie Night' always like this?"
She nodded, watching the two men raptly as she shoveled handful after handful of popcorn into her mouth. "Oh yes. This happens every time." she said.
"How movie nights have there been since you arrived?"
"I believe 30 at least."
"And how many movies have you seen?"
Teyla grinned. "Two." She then pointed to the bickering pair. "And in all honesty this is much more entertaining."
Dex hummed once, then nodded as he smiled and, kicking back, grabbed a handful of popcorn.
"You're probably right. Oh hey! This stuff is good!"
Carson sat in his chair in the infirmary checking over the latest medical information that had been liberated from the Ancient's database by the scientists. In the past few months he hadn't gotten much chance to do any real research between all the emergencies. Thank god tonight was quiet.
Almost too quiet.
He kept sneaking a look at the door, waiting and wondering how long it would take. His gaze then traveled to his watch before looking back at the door once more.
Nothing.
Sighing with relief he looked back at the tablet computer and started reading… and reading… and doodling on the order with his stylus… and humming…
Bah! He couldn't work this way! It wasn't natural. Where the hell….
"Oh My god! You did that on purpose!" McKay cried out loud as he ran into the infirmary, a hand covering his right eye. Right behind him an apologetic looking Sheppard, and a highly amused looking Teyla and Dex, rushed in.
"I didn't!" John asserted. "I swear!"
McCay swirled around and pointed his finger at him. "What? So you through the remote at me by accident and just happened to hit me so perfectly that you've blinded me for life? Damn you, Sheppard, it was my favorite eye too! Now everything will look like a lopsided villain's secret lair from the old Batman TV series.
"You're not blind, Rodney! And I didn't throw it! The butter from the popcorn made my hands all slippery! Hey, wait a sec… You got that TV show in Canada?"
"Don't change the subject you… you… you eye-blinder! You threw it at me on purpose. You don't just 'accidentally' lose control of a remote, and nail the one person in this city who need both eyes more then most so he doesn't blow us all up when working on high powered Ancient technology, right after being told your selection of movies looks like it came from the Not-Exactly-Oscar-Winners Bin at WalMart! It just doesn't happen! You did it on purpose you misanthrope!"
Beckett smiled and pushed aside his tablet, grabbing a tray of medical supplies and hurrying to the pair to treat Rodney before John gave him a matching shiner.
Thank God for their weekly routine, he thought as he parted them and started tending Rodney's eye, I would have gone nuts without their distraction once again.
Daft idiots. But definitely funnier, and ultimately cheaper, then a movie.