*whistles nervously*

Requested by: hyperomegasonic26

Current Client: Sola-Ui Nuada-Re Sophia-Ri

Irisviel: Hello. Welcome. Uh, good day.

Sola-Ui: Well, hello yourself. I believe this is the place my husband mentioned.

Irisviel: Oh, was he a client of mine?

Sola-Ui: Oh, my bad. I mean fiance. Sometimes I forget.

Irisviel: How do you forget something like that?

Sola-Ui: You may know him as Lord El-Melloi Archibald.

Irisviel: Huh. That was just the other day. Dang, he said he wasn't going to recommend me to anybody.

Sola-Ui: Are you trying to go out of business?

Irisviel: Maybe. Regardless, how may I help you?

Sola-Ui: I want a divorce. I mean a breakup.

Irisviel: *sigh*

Sola-Ui: I realize it is a distasteful subject, but you knew what you signed up for when you set up this office. I can't imagine mine is the worse request you have received.

Irisviel: I mean, you're not threatening to kill me, so you got something there. So, the Lord El-Melloi Asparagus isn't for you, then?

Sola-Ui: It's Archibald.

Irisviel: Archangel, yes. Do elaborate.

Sola-Ui: I do dislike sharing private information with strangers, but I don't suppose there's anything for it. I never wanted to marry him, see. It was all my family's idea; since my brother ended up as a failure as a mage, somehow it's my responsibility to insure our magical legacy continues.

Irisviel: Somehow this story sounds familiar.

Sola-Ui: Did you not say you had Kayneth as a client?

Irisviel: Eh, no, I don't mean him. That's not what he was complaining about. Man, who were they? That young lady in the wheelchair and her brother...

Sola-Ui: I don't know what you are talking about. But back to my point, I've gone along with this betrothal for long enough. He's no longer useful to me, and I've resolved I'm going to marry for love in my own time, and forget whatever my family has to say.

Irisviel: Well, good on you for choosing love, but you can't just back out of your responsibilities that way.

Sola-Ui: Watch me.

Irisviel: Also, if it was an arranged marriage, won't he be open to the idea of termination himself? You needn't come to me for advice on that.

Sola-Ui: Arranged or no, he is smitten with me. I mean, why shouldn't he be, but it's irritating when I don't feel the same way.

Irisviel: Well, what do you want me to say? WAIT.

Sola-Ui: Now what?

Irisviel: Kayneth... Diarmuid... love spot... oh, good Grail, you're not aiming to marry your fiance's Servant, are you?

Sola-Ui: Who, Lancer? Well, why not?

Irisviel: He's a Servant! As soon as the war's over, he'll go poof! Wait, I have definitely said that before.

Sola-Ui: Magic can take care of that. I'm sure there are spells to ground a Servant in the physical world permanently.

Irisviel: But if your family wants you marry to maintain their magical lineage, that would mean you're not much of a mage yourself. Who'll be casting this spell?

Sola-Ui: Why, Kayneth, of course. The man has his flaws, but he can do wonders with those magical circuits of his.

Irisviel: Do explain why he should put himself to the trouble of helping you cheat on him.

Sola-Ui: I'm not cheating on him! I'm going to break up with him first!

Irisviel: That doesn't make it much better.

Sola-Ui: He'll do anything for me! Just you see!

Irisviel: You don't have to prove anything to me.

Sola-Ui: Well, you're good for ranting at, I'll give you that. Otherwise you're not much help.

Irisviel: Well, if you're going to be so stubborn about doing the exact opposite of what any decent, normal person would, I imagine I wouldn't be.

Sola-Ui: Exactly. Wait, what?