Part Four: Feminism

When Xander woke up, it was still dark.

He blinked fuzzily, realizing that he couldn't have been asleep more than half an hour, and wondering what had woken him up. He heard a creak in his doorway, then, and his glance shot to the area in question, adrenaline kicking in. Late-night visits were generally a bad thing, Sunnydale or otherwise.

"Relax," a vaguely familiar voice said. "It's just me."

Xander relaxed, recognizing Spike. Female Spike, of course, but still Spike. Xander would know him anywhere.

"What's wrong?" he asked, since suddenly gender-switched vampires didn't usually come stand in the doorway to his bedroom without a reason, in his experience. Which was admittedly nil, but he still knew Spike fairly well, enough to guess that something was wrong.

"Couldn't sleep, was all," Spike said, his voice sounding suspiciously hoarse. "Didn't mean to wake you. I'll leave you alone." A sniff followed his last words, and Xander knew, with a horrible kind of certainty, that Spike had been crying.

Oh yeah. Like his life wasn't weird enough.

"C'mere," he said, surprising himself with the invitation as he said it. Spike hesitated, but Xander scooted over, pulling the bedcovers back in invitation.

"I won't bite," he said with a little grin that he knew Spike could see, even in the dark. "Don't hog the covers, though, or I might have to take drastic action."

Still Spike hesitated. "What're you doin', Harris?" he asked, and Xander shrugged.

"A little comfort, is all. You don't need to get to worried about it. I'll even pretend it didn't happen when we wake up."

"I don't need-"

"Spike," Xander said, his patience abruptly expiring. He was exhausted. "I'm tired. You're tired. You're obviously not going to fall asleep out there. You probably will here, and if nothing else, you might relax a little. I'm not going to take your vamply virtue, and I'm not going to make a big deal about it later. I will make a big deal about it if you don't get your butt over here and let me go to sleep. Savvy?"

"Yeah, yeah," Spike muttered, but he did come over and crawl into bed beside Xander. "Happy now?"

"Delirious," Xander said, then rolled over and went straight back to sleep.

Spike was twitchy when they woke up a few hours later, but Xander did his best to pretend like nothing happened. Maybe it hadn't been his best idea, literally inviting Spike into bed with him, knowing that Spike wasn't dealing well with his female self as it was. But it had been really, really late, and Spike had been wigging, and Xander hadn't been able to think of any other way to deal at that hour with as little sleep as he'd had. His ability to reason had not significantly improved, but then again, he'd only had a couple hours of sleep and the coffee wasn't ready yet. Maybe in another ten minutes.

Ten minutes later, he still wasn't sure what the hell to do with Spike. Besides taking him to the mall, of course, where Buffy would take over and subsume him in her quest for the Perfect Shoe. She'd tried with Xander once, but being a guy, it hadn't worked. Spike was more at risk now.

Wait. Was the chauvinistic? Probably at least anti-feminist. Cordelia used to tell him that he was a Neanderthal, and didn't he know that Women's Lib had happened, or something? Then again, Cordelia herself had been all hyper-feminine and Homecoming Queen and a cheerleader… Though maybe that thought was anti-feminist. And what about Buffy? She was into shopping and big into the girly-girl thing, but she had the girl power thing going on…

"You have the weirdest look on your face," Spike said, interrupting his train of thought. Xander glanced up from his cup of coffee to see Spike staring at him, head cocked to the side in a classic Spike gesture. The movement called attention to the long, smooth line of his throat, and Xander found himself getting distracted again.

"Hmm?"

"What were you thinking just then?"

Xander knew that Spike meant before, but he couldn't help flushing a little. Hoping that Spike didn't notice, he said, "I was just thinking about feminism." Spike gave him an odd look, and he added, "And if I'm anti-feminist."

"You're the weirdest bloke I've ever met," Spike said. "You dated Anya, then stayed friends with her when you broke up. One of your best friends is a witch and a lesbian. The other takes chick empowerment to an extreme. And you're worried about being anti-feminist?" Spike snorted. "Harris, you should be worried 'bout it bein' the other way 'round. You're almost as much of a bint as I am."

"Thanks, Spike," Xander said sarcastically. "I have to remember to share more of my thoughts with you in the future, so you can make me feel great about myself." Wondering why the hell he even bothered, Xander detached himself from the counter he was leaning on and made as if to leave the kitchen.

"Hey," Spike said, halting him in his tracks. He turned around to see Spike standing there in his ill-fitting clothes, staring at Xander with eyes that were way too big and blue and vulnerable. "I didn't mean it, yeah? Just… rattled, is all."

Xander sighed, but he returned to his spot by the counter. "I know. And I know that I should be more sensitive or whatever, but I haven't had my coffee yet. So I would really appreciate it if you would try to pretend that you don't hate me, just until this is over."

"I don't hate you," Spike said, looking at him strangely. "You're alright, for a Scooby. Most of the time, I'm just takin' the piss. Don't mean anything by it."

Xander sighed and leaned his head against the fridge. "Alright. You don't hate me. And I thought my life was weird before you came to stay here." He shook his head and sighed. "At least this will all be over in a couple of days."

Spike looked at him seriously, which was seriously weird. Spike never looked at Xander as if he'd done something clever, because he was always too busy being mocking.

"Thanks," he said. Xander gave him a confused look, and Spike clarified, "For not saying that I brought this on myself, or making stupid jokes, and for telling me that it's going to be over soon. It helps."

"Spike, it is going to be over soon," Xander said, as if talking to an exceptionally stupid child. "I wouldn't have said it otherwise."

"I know," Spike said, and leaned over to give him a quick kiss in his cheek. "That's what I meant."

He was gone before Xander could react with anything other than complete and total stupefaction.

Had Spike really just... kissed him?

Weird.