Raoul was not there.

Christine found this odd, seeing as in these sorts of fics, Raoul was always present. Sometimes he was an abusive husband, sometimes a kidnapper, once even a rapist…but mostly, just a fop.

Now that she thought of it, it really wasn't fair to the poor boy. Raoul might be a fop (in fact, she was positive he was), but he wasn't evil.

But she digressed.

I mean, here she was with Erik making out, and Raoul was not there to interrupt their happy, happy EC-ness. Was he late? Had he forgotten to gel his hair again? Or…perhaps she was in an ORIGINAL story?

No, no, she thought. This was Invader Vega writing. It couldn't possibly be original. This calmed her down a bit, but it didn't explain why Raoul wasn't there butting in and being…well, foppish.

Overcome with annoyance and curiosity, Christine broke the kiss.

"Where the hell is Raoul?"

Erik could do nothing but blink.

"…Christine, love, he was killed by that falling pink elephant."

"Oh. Right. Damn this short-term memory loss."

They resumed their making out, much to the joy of the poor EC phangirls who had been wandering in search of fluff. Which was extraordinarily difficult to find, mind you.

-

Then, in an original scene transition, they were eating dinner. Their "dinner" appeared to be made entirely of butter pats, but the author has been known to hallucinate.

"Guess what." Christine said cheerfully.

"Erm…you're pregnant."

Christine then got very angry with Erik for guessing, and threw a spoon at him.

"I mean you have a life-threatening illness that is going to kill you?" Erik said, looking horrified.

"No silly, I'm pregnant!" Christine said happily.

"Right, I knew that."

Tense silence.

"I'm out of lines."

"Me too," said Erik.

"Aren't you supposed to be angsting over whether or not our child will be deformed?"

"Nah, I'll do that later."

"Oh, okay. Wanna have sex?"

"Sure."

-

Meanwhile, the ghost of Raoul was flying around being spooky. He was very, very displeased.

Why? Well…he didn't quite know. But he was angry. You would be angry too if your hair was constantly limp, your girlfriend left you for a crazy murderer, you were inexplicably killed by a pink elephant, and you were constantly described as a "fop".

Hm, that Meg Giry was pretty hot.

No. Bad Raoul. He was lusting after Christi – hey, a dollar!

And thus, Raoul's scary introduction was ruined.

-

Meg didn't know why she was even in this story. She was just an innocent ballet dancer with stars in her eyes, blah blah blah…no. She was not. She was an angry, moody teenager who had no lust object, with the exception of that uber-hot Piangi.

Wait. What?

Meg blinked. Did she just refer to Piangi as hot?

She put her hands to her head, and groaned. Dammit, she hated these lucid moments.