A/N sorry, I've been having short chapters lately. Maybe now that I've got a new plot, I'll speed up. I just haven't been writing very well lately. Again, sorry for the randomness of last chapter, I just needed something totally insane to cheer me up.
Disclaimer: just to be safe. What I own: my possessions and a few really freaky stories. What I don't own: this, all its character with the exception of the innocent bystanders, and just about anything else you'll see from me on this website. Or, probably, at all.
Padmé's cry of frustration was drowned out by everyone proving that they wouldn't shut
up at once. Then, suddenly, the entirely insane identity crisis was stopped by Lando turning on the lights.
"Why's everybody running around in the dark?" he asked in confusion.
"Yay, Lando saved us from not being able to tell who we are!" shouted an innocent bystander.
"Why couldn't you tell who you were again?" asked Padmé in confusion.
"Because it was dark," answered Qui-Gon as if that explained everything.
"Riiiiiight," said Padmé, deciding to ignore them.
Meanwhile, Dooku was arguing with Anakin about the usefulness of different Sith's abilities.
"I still think Force-choke is the best," snapped Anakin.
"Yeah, well you never managed to chop anybody's arm off!" retorted Dooku.
"Yes I did! I chopped off Luke's!"
"Yeah, thanks for that, Dad," Luke put in sarcastically. Both Sith ignored him.
"That was only his hand. I got your whole arm. And since I beat you, I'm automatically better."
"I wasn't even a Sith then! And besides, I ended up killing you."
"That doesn't count! You only killed me because stupid Palpatine made you."
"I resent that," commented Palpatine serenely.
"I don't," commented Obi-Wan unnecessarily.
"Shut up," ordered Gol-Smé.
"No."
"Would you all stop fighting?" asked Leia.
"No," said Obi-Wan, Luke, Palpatine, Dooku, and Anakin.
"No, Precious," said Gol-Smé.
"Aww, how sweet!" exclaimed an innocent bystander. "He called you Precious. Don't you wish your own husband would say that?"
"I don't know what my own husband says at all," answered Leia. "He only speaks Wookie."
"Oh," said the innocent bystander, a little crestfallen. That didn't last long. "But it's still so sweet!"
"It is, Precious?" asked Gol-Smé.
"Yes! Oh, look, now he's calling me that! Isn't that sweet!"
"No," snapped Luke.
"Oh, you're just jealous that she likes another… thing," teased his sister.
"I'm not jealous, but calling that another thing is… wait. Another thing?"
Leia grinned as Luke attempted to figure out the grammar in that sentence. Her brother really was an idiot.
"Die, you fool!" shouted Anakin. "Vader kills all who oppose him!"
"Precious is talking in third person, just like Precious does," commented Gol-Smé.
"I will rule the world!" exclaimed Dooku originally.
Qui-Gon began narrating the match. "And Anakin, nope, sorry, Vader now, Vader swings his lightsaber, and oh, look at that, Dooku's blocked it! He blocked it! Oh, now look at that, it looks like Vader's using the Force-choke. But Dooku fought it off. And Vader's blocking his Force-lightening, that's his best attack. I wouldn't know, I died too early, but Vader had a bad encounter with that in his early years. Looks like Dooku's mostly on the defensive this match, but now's he's coming back with a quick slash with the lightsaber. Oh, he's driving Vader back; he's falling back and… No, Vader's coming back with a flip over his head.
"Dooku better watch out, Vader's right behind him with the lightsaber, and oh, did you see that? Did you see that! He blocked him over the back and turned around in time to meet his next attack. And now Vader…Oww! Ouch, Padmé, what was that for? Ow! Cut that out! Oww!"
Padmé had shoved her way through the crowd and whacked Qui-Gon over the head with a large shopping bag several times. She had complied with his request to cut it out, and was now whacking her husband and Dooku, screaming about their stupidity. Most of the crowd drifted off before she could turn her gaze on them, but a few innocent bystanders stayed, watching her intently.
Gol-Smé and his innocent bystander friend wandered off, following the trail of things Padmé had dropped. They reached to store she had bought them from after a few minutes, delayed only by the desire to pick up some of the cooler things that had fallen out of her bag.
"What's this, Precious?" asked Gol-Smé, picking up a small box.
"It's an engagement ring," explained the innocent bystander. "You give it to someone you love," she went on, ignoring his perked up appearance at the mention of the word 'ring'. "And then you have a wedding like the one you crashed a while ago, and both of you give each other rings."
"And then Precious supposes that thieves and the fat hobbit take it and throw it into a volcano, then push you in after it."
"Oh, is that what happened to you?" asked the innocent bystander innocently. "I just got slaughtered by Anakin when he decided to go kill everybody. That was annoying, but now I'm here with all of the dead (or not) people, and other innocent bystanders who got killed one way or another."
"What's Precious' name?" asked Gol-Smé curiously.
"I don't have one. It wasn't written into the script. So I'm just an innocent bystander, like all the rest of the people who didn't have a name in the script."
"Oh. Can I have that?" he asked, pointing towards the ring.
"Sure. And if you give one to me later, I'll give one to you."
"That's good, Precious."
"Good," agreed the innocent bystander, bouncing off to tell the rest of the innocent bystander and the more important characters that she was getting married.