Three weeks passed and it's now the beginning of December. The date was set for the fifteenth and I cannot help but be irritated as of late.
Erik thinks it's the womanly curse that has taken me. I let him believe whatever he wants for I don't think I can stand it much longer.
Since that night that I tried to peek into the room, my dreams were ever consistent of what might be in there. And not only at night was I plagued of it, but during the day as well. My mind has been focused more on that room than at my lessons. But thankfully Erik has been patient with me, though he does not tolerate slacking in my voice. I'm not sure how long that will last until he rages about my daydreaming.
But back to that black door with the silver doorknob…
I wondered if the thing inside could be the beast from my father's stories, half-man and half-wolf. Father told me how strong they were and that silver can hurt them. That could explain the handle.
But it's preposterous. Those werewolves are nothing but mystical animals! I am no longer a child to believe in such nonsense. So that idea could be put aside. I'm sure that the thing inside could be human.
Can my Erik be that cruel to degrade a human being? I didn't… no couldn't believe that he would stoop so low. I know that he had nothing but ill luck with people, but that doesn't excuse him to do the same to another.
Nonetheless, I'm caught in my own perceptions and suspicions of the one man that I am to call husband. This cannot go on any further. I need answers quick so I can put my mind to rest and marry the man I love. I do not wish to spend the rest of my life considering the "what ifs" and finding myself distrusting him over every little matter. I do not want to have such a horrid marriage believing that anything he tells me was a lie. I cannot live like that.
As my patience grows thin, for the first time, I had snapped at my beloved Erik. There was no reason for me to do so and I apologized immediately. Erik dismissed it but I can see it in his eyes he's beginning to blame himself that he had me give up a life I could have shared with Raoul.
We should be filled with elation that we're to be bound together, but recently Erik's been becoming morbid in his thoughts and behavior. I hope he hasn't known of my treachery! To make sure he didn't, I ensure him of my fidelity by taking the extreme precaution to better his attitude and show my happiness.
There's nothing I would like to see more than to have my love smile in his dreary sordid life. I sing, read, and entertain him in the ways I know how to lift his spirits. He does smile to show his appreciation, yet there's a dark cloud controlling his mind. He may try to hide it, but I can see the darkness and despair in his amber eyes. He's so distant and I weep for him and my puerile behavior.
He has been nothing but kind to me and how do I repay him? I have become dubious to his ways. Of course he would never go back on his promises to me. He would never cheat on me.
In a week I shall be his wife and I feel nothing but foreign to him. I'm no better than those people from his past that treated him so horribly. I must go to confessions to put my mind at ease.
I've told the priest of my sinful obsession and how I feel it's putting a strain on my fiancé. The good Father tells me my curiosity was nothing for me to be ashamed of, but if I were to be Erik's wife I must respect and uphold his decisions. Even though it might lead me into madness.
I don't know what angers me most—Erik's stupid secret or the priest's scolding. I understand my roles as wife but could he not understand how this makes me feel?
I'm beginning to think Erik doesn't trust me at all. If he did surely he would have told me long ago what was behind that door. If I were engaged to Raoul, he wouldn't keep any secrets from me. He would treat me as his equal.
Blast it! How dare I compare my sweet Erik to Raoul! I love my angel so much. He has his reasons to not tell me. Maybe he's protecting me… Yes! He doesn't want his little wife to fret about him. Though, I rather fret.
I returned home and find Erik gone. Most likely, he's out doing some errands. Sighing, there's nothing much for me to do so I decided to read in the library.
I become consumed in the ghost tale of Bluebeard that I failed to notice a faint scratching. I continued reading until I was snapped out of the story when the scratching grew louder.
Closing my book, I listen carefully to the increasing sound. It wasn't until my fingers were screaming in pain that I noticed I was gripping the armrest as if it were life or death. Taking a deep breath, I stood up and walked towards the one place where the noises were coming from…
… the room with the black door and silver doorknob…
TBC…