It was two days before Christmas break, and the Weasley twins were banned from staying over the break for obvious reasons. Yet, somehow, I managed to talk Dumbledore into letting them both stay this time. "You're a genius, Fred!" George held me tight when he found out the news. "I know, I know", I laughed and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "So when's this surprise supposed to be ready?" I asked timidly. He simply smiled and waltzed away dismissively.
I found Harry and Ron after a while playing chess in the Common Room and I decided to "bond" with them. Wow, that sounds corny. Well, we didn't bond long, because they both had to study for their upcoming O.W.L.S and I didn't want to disturb them. I went up to the dorm and sat on the edge of my bed for a while. All the while, a voice in the back of my head whispered hoarsely. I knew this voice all too well. It was the voice I had only just stopped hearing a couple of weeks ago.
He keeps pushing me out of things.
I want it to be like old times.
I want him to appreciate my help, to seek it out. He says it's a surprise for me, but I don't know what he could possibly have in store. I know him all too well to be surprised by anything he does. Maybe he's all talk. Maybe he's trying to distance himself from me. Am I being too clingy? This is all nonsense, I'll just go and ask him about it.
But what if he doesn't tell me? What if he just makes excuses like he's been doing all this time? He knows I'm just gullible enough to believe him. He knows that I trust him completely. Maybe that's my downfall.
I bet he's cheating on me.
I bet he's cheating on me.
I bet he's just trying to keep me away from him all of the time to go and sneak around with someone else. But why! Maybe I'm just imagining things…I have to know…
The voice was getting louder and more familiar and more like me all of the time. I knew all of this was just something I thought up while I was sitting there. While I sat there and waited for him or tried to find something to do every time he left me.
I went back downstairs to see if I could find some comfort and answers from Harry and Ron. I knew I was interrupting their studying, but it was all I could do to keep myself from cutting and both they and I knew it. I told them that I was worried about George and nothing about the thoughts that I had had just moments earlier.
"You mean to say that you think he's seeing someone else, right?" Harry pinpointed. Why is he always so damn right? "Ummm, yeah." I answered timidly and blushed a furious red.
"Don't worry about it. I'm sure-
"Don't worry about it! How can I not? He's always running off and talking about this plan that he's got. I haven't heard or seen any of this damn plan, so how can I be so sure it even exists! I mean, how could he keep me out of this?" I was enraged and shouting at the top of my lungs. Everyone was starring. I got up slowly and made my way back to the dorm, crying. I couldn't stand it anymore.
How could they tell me not to worry? To just, sit back while my George was running off every other hour to some undisclosed location to work on some plan that he hadn't even informed his twin of?
I buried my head deep in my pillows and tugged the curtains shut blindly. White hot tears dampened the downy soft pillows and I felt them wet my face. Like I said before, I couldn't stand it anymore. I was losing the battle with the voice in my head that had now moved to the front of my mind. I kept thinking about how George was cheating on me or just wanted to get away from me or wanted to hurt me for some foreign reason. I was slipping. I couldn't stop myself from reaching under the bed and pulling up a razor blade. Brand new.
I stopped for a minute to think it over and decided that it would be the best way to end this constant pain. This constant unknowingness. I was still a little unsure when I put the blaze to the back of my hand and made the first cut. Slow and sure and deep. I felt uneasy at the sight of the blood running down my left hand and my stomach jumped. Every muscle in the body tensed and my brain screamed, but I bit my lip hard. In the end it bled too. My left hand soon had a large, crude letter "G" on the back of it.
I tore my shirt off and made long, deep cuts in both arms. A lurch in my stomach and a foul taste in my mouth came and my eyes bulged. I swallowed it back down and felt even worse. I took the blade in my shaking left hand and watched the blood stain the rest of it before continuing on to my right hand. I slit my right wrist fast but I still felt a slight sting. I let out a sob and winced and felt back on my bed, covering my hands and bare arms with my covers.
Just when I was getting up the courage to continue, someone banged on the door. Shit. I prayed to Merlin that it wasn't who I thought it was. I willed my eyes open and George slammed and locked the door behind him. He ran over and, to my surprise, slapped me!
"You fuck! You stupid fuck!" George fell to his knees beside the bed and cried. He grabbed me and shook me uncontrollably. My head was spinning and he wasn't helping. He pulled me close to him and cried into my shoulder. "You- you git- you moron- you- why- how- I didn't." he stuttered and mumbled between sobs. He took a moment and inhaled slowly, trying to get his breathing under control. Once he stopped panting he pushed me away and held me at arms length to get a better look at me. He pulled the covers from me and looked away quickly. He was too late, though. I could tell by the look in his eyes that the damage was already done.
"How could you? Over this stupid little plan of mine? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left you out of it. I should have- I should have kept you closer to me. I- I- I tried to push you out a little further. I thought that you'd be okay. I'm sorry, Fred. This is all my fault!" George's control of his voice seemed to fade as he broke into sobs again. I looked at myself in disgust and then on the floor at the miserable red head on the floor.
He was beautiful. The mirror image of this stupid boy. Well…he WAS a mirror image of me. I should've stopped earlier. Now I am ugly. Scared and bleeding all over. I hope he still loves me like he used to. I looked closely at him. He's not that tall, but what he lacks in height, he makes up for in muscles.
I broke my trance in an instant when I realized how much blood I was loosing. I grabbed my wand from under a pillow and performed a healing spell. First on my wrist, then my arms, and finally, my left hand. I crawled to the floor and held myself against George's body. I inhaled and I warmed myself with his scent. I had stopped crying now and sow had he. We sat there in each others arms for what felt like forever. In actuality, though, we were only there a half an hour. He broke the silence.
"Are you okay, love?"
"Yes."
"Fred, I-
"Shut up. It's my fault. I kept thinking about the stupid surprise and why you'd been running off all of the time and why you'd been ignoring me. I refused to listen to Harry and Ron when they told me I had nothing to worry about. I kept thinking to myself, 'maybe he's cheating on me'. I- I knew you would never do anything like that. I just-" I stopped myself when I saw the hurt look on his face and those piercing eyes; they were locked on mine.
"I love you" I whispered, tears back in my eyes.
"I love you too, Fred." George smiled halfway and brought him lips within an inch of mine. He started to ghost a kiss over my lips, but realized that this was no time for playing and he kissed me. No tongue, no teeth, no biting, no purring, just a kiss. And when he broke it I loved him more than ever. His taste still lingered in my mouth and I felt horrible when I realized that he probably tasted the throw up that had been in my mouth earlier. I blushed and quickly apologized.
He told me that he didn't notice a thing. I could tell he was being genuine. I smiled and leaned in to kiss him again. We cast cleaning spells on my sheets, covers and pillows and spent the rest of the night against each other in my bed. Partly because we were worn out and partly because I couldn't think of anything I'd rather do with my other half on such a beautiful night. He said he could think of some other things, but again, we were too worn out for that.
He loves me so much. How could anyone take me back after what I did. I broke our promise and I hurt myself. I'm ugly. No. I'm beautiful. Or at least he thinks so. His is the only opinion that matters, anyway.
I looked at the back of my left hand and starred at the scar of the "G" and closed my eyes. I drifted off to sleep not too long after that.
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Author's Notes: Totally decided that you guys needed another chapter on this one soon so it could catch up to "The Boy with the Blazing hair." Plus I got some cool emails from readers and a review that made me wanna write some more. So there's another heart warmer for ya. Getting darker. I promise it won't get much worse than that. Keep looking for a major update, though, this coming Saturday!