197S9.9.10

We must have found land as I can think of no other reason for the ship to suddenly be so filled with ruckus; it was enough to even rouse Nooj from his magic-induced sleep and, though I tried to keep him from immediately moving, I am quite glad to see that he seems to be a bit more stable now that the ship has come to a stop. Despite the rather damaging symptoms, it seems that he will be quite alright once he is given time to settle and to regain his strength; I only hope that the Maesters will allow us another lull as they had before we boarded the ship on the opposite shore.

Regardless, I think I may attempt to keep an eye on Nooj until I am sure that the sickness is thoroughly through with him. I know that this may be risking my skin, but it would do no good for our leader to be hampered by something which could be easily cured; I only hope that it does not take too much attention as I feel as if I may, myself, collapse at any moment.

Ah, I am just being weak. Surely, the casting did not take so much from me and I have gone longer without sleep without any adverse effects. I must be strong! Even if I am just a healer, I must be aware and ready for whenever I am needed. It is the very least I can do for my squad.

It seems as if Paine, too, is starting to stir from her sleep and so I believe I may go ahead and ensure that there is nothing on the way out that will trip either of them up in their current bleary state; I imagine that Nooj would not be happy to have his first step onto our new training grounds be anything but firm and, from her expression, I believe Paine is less than pleased with my gift of the night before.

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It seems that our next bit of training will take place on a desert island, not the Calm Lands.

I am not disappointed; I am only surprised. I have never been in a desert before and I do not even know what manner of precautions to take concerning our surroundings. I'm sure the usual guidelines of not eating anything unfamiliar and not trusting the local fauna stands, but there are likely other rules which I should know. I suppose that I will just learn as we travel and adjust as I must.

The strength of the sun, even as it wanes, gives me pause and it strikes me that we should take precautions against it burning us. I do not think it would be a concern for myself as I have such dark skin and Gippal, as an Al Bhed, is probably immune to it. Nooj and Paine, however, both have fair skin and I am sure it would not take much for them to become severely burned. Since Paine seems to have taken it upon herself to watch over Nooj, I think I will take advantage of the lull so that I may investigate some of the plants growing near to the camps.

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I have come into a windfall!

There are many useful plants quite near to the docks and, even though they are a bit stunted, the leaves and thistles will be most useful! There is enough to make a good supply of salve to guard against the sun and there is even knotweed to guard against any venomous fiends which may be about. I had hoped to be able to find some galangal to make a potion to help guard against seasickness, but I have yet to come across any. I will just have to keep my eyes open for some when we make our camps at night.

It is a bit curious, though. My knowledge of these herbs and their uses comes through the Temple, of course, and I remember learning that knotweed and galangal normally only grow so close together on one island in Spira as it is the only place with the proper combination of sandy soil and strength of sun to support both. Naturally, they could have been quite wrong in what they taught us, but it is still something to consider. If I have time this evening, I believe I may try to read the stars to see if I can confirm my suspicions, but, at this moment, I am needed back at camp; it seems as if Gippal has caught something and they wish for me to build a fire so it can be roasted.

I believe that I may lay a few herbs over the fire to see if they help to calm the frazzled nerves and stress of the journey to this point.

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It has been an informative night.

We are now officially squad number five and, as such, we are fully independant from any of the other squads. We are no longer to assist them in any sense and we are no longer to trust any other recruits, aside from those within our own squad. I did note that Nooj gave me a pointed look when he declared this and I can understand why; even now that we are on solid ground, men of the other squads have been seeking me out to help them with any lingering ailments and I have been more than willing to do what I can for them. I suppose that must stop, now. I hope they understand why, but there really is nothing I can do if they cannot; it is apparently how this must be done.

I do wonder why the Maesters are setting the squads against each other in such a fashion since it must only breed hatred and mistrust; would it not be better to have us forge a common bond, outside of the bonds already forged within the individual squads? It almost seems as if they wish for us to war amongst ourselves, but such a thought is almost too horrible to entertain. Then again, these are the same Maesters who would rig ancient and supposedly sacred machina so that they would not have to face a fair duel; I am starting to wonder if there is any deviousness beyond their imagining and I am also starting to see why 'Yevon sweetheart' is so suiting for a profane epithet.

Once this information was laid before us, Nooj did something that honestly surprised me: he publicly commended me for aiding him while we were on the ship. Of course, this was entirely unnecessary and I would never expect to be praised so, but it was quite bolstering to hear such words from one who, not so long ago, seemed to have nothing but scorn for me. Perhaps I am finally starting to show my worth to him and, it seems, to my squad, as well. I cannot begin to describe how pleased this makes me, though I am sure my joy in it must have been obvious for the deep crimson shade my cheeks turned.

After this, we exchanged whatever information we managed to gather since arrival and the only truly interesting thing to come of this is that Gippal confirmed that we are, indeed, on Bikanel. I am still rather confused why the Maesters would choose such a place for our trials, but I suppose it does make sense; it is an abandoned island and the terrain and the native fiends will likely root out any of the weaker recruits. I suppose it does give us an advantage that we have a native in our squad; Gippal as already told us the lay of the land and it seems Nooj has already laid our plans for the next day.

There is little to do, right now, and so I believe I may see if I am able to find any other useful herbs in the surrounding area; I should like to be able to at least make a simple antidote before we set off tomorrow, as it sounds as if we will soon be facing fiends.

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One of the men from the other squads just approached me as I was preparing the herbs I had found and he asked me if I would give him some of the antidote I was brewing. He told me that he had wandered away from his squad and that a poisonous fiend had attacked him. The wound in his arm was not overly deep, but, even from a small distance, I could smell the acrid poison in it; he would sure die if something was not done.

What could I do? My loyalties are to my squad and I am forbidden from helping any of the others; I had to turn him away. He cursed me as he scattered the herbs I'd found and then he struck me with the butt of his machina gun; I did nothing to stop nor to discourage him. I deserved it. It is my duty to help those who are suffering and especially those who are in a state of such mortal peril, but I am forbidden to do this by the rules of this Maester's game; it is a poor excuse, but my hands were tied.

Why is this happening? Why are they playing us against our fellow man? In this time of peril and strife, should we not cling together rather than drive ourselves apart? Would good comes of letting a man die simply because he had the misfortune to be attacked?

I do not understand it, any of it. I do not think I would want to understand the mind which could give such orders in a clean conscience, but perhaps it is only the situation which necessitates such barbarity; it is a competition and only the strongest must survive so that they may protect Spira…is that it?

Ah, I am too tired and too weary to think on this, now. I wish for only rest, but I do not know if I'll manage sleep; every time I close my eyes, I only see the hatred in that dying man's eyes and I can only keep thinking that he will not be here to see the sunrise tomorrow.