Thanks to Sister Rose for acting as Beta. But mistakes are still all mine.
I don't own the O.C. or any of its characters.
When Seth walked into the living room, Ryan was sitting on the couch, hunched forward, elbows resting on his knees. Kirsten was at his side, with a hand loosely draped over his shoulders. Sandy was sitting on the edge of the coffee table, his back to the door, leaning forward and talking in a hushed whisper to Ryan and Kirsten. The room was eerily quiet, even with the muted conversation.
He cleared his throat to make his and Summer's arrival known. Ryan looked up and Sandy slowly turned around.
"Is everything okay?" He squeezed Summer's hand. They would announce their news in a minute.
"Hey, Seth." Kirsten smiled. "Everything is great. Dad and I just need some time with Ryan… alone."
Seth studied his brother. He looked as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.
"Did someone die?" Summer was tugging on his hand, urging him to leave, but he just couldn't go.
"No one died, Seth."
"Then why do you all look as if someone did?"
"Not now, Seth. We'll share later. Find something else to do while we talk to Ryan."
"Okay. I get it. I'm not wanted." He started to follow Seth out of the room.
"Don't be like that." Kirsten started to get up, but Sandy held her back.
"Mom, I was just kidding. Chill. Summer and I will find something to do and later on I'll grill Ryan."
He finally left the room, but Seth didn't go far. He put his hands on Summer's waist and steered her to the kitchen, where they sat at the table. He put his fingers to his lips.
"We can hear everything from here." A devilish smile played on his lips.
"I called my doctor Ryan," Kirsten said. "Now-a-days a paternity is a very simple procedure. They don't even need blood. All they need is a swab from inside of the cheek. It's not invasive. It won't hurt the little boy. It won't traumatize him."
Ryan nodded vehemently. "So let's do it. Let's get it done." He slid to the edge of his seat, ready to jump up. As if he were going to run down to Chino and grab the little boy to perform the test.
"You've got to stay level headed, Ryan."
"You keep saying that. But I want to know what we're going to do. You saw it. You saw that this is my kid."
"I saw it, Ryan. But we need proof beyond a shadow of a doubt. That's why we'll do a paternity test. Theresa may agree to one on her own. If not, we'll get a court order. Kirsten and I are here for you. But keep your cool. That's all we ask."
"We'll do what's best."
Ryan tilted his head sideways and looked at Kirsten. "You're pretty calm about this." Ryan pointed his chin at Sandy. "He nearly killed us when I told him." Suddenly, he felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"I did not tell her to have an abortion. I just reminded her that she has options." Kirsten slammed a dish into the sink.
Ryan winced as he listened from the other room. Sandy and Kirsten had been fighting non-stop since Theresa had announced she intended to keep her baby. He wasn't sure why, but he knew it had something to do with the lunch Theresa and Kirsten shared earlier in the week.
"I didn't want her to make a decision she might regret."
"So it's better if two teenagers try and raise this kid."
"Damn it Sandy, don't put this on me. We've been over this. They have options. They can explore adoption. Abortion is not the only way to solve this problem."
She threw down the towel and stalked out of the room.
"Theresa confided in you. If it weren't for you, she probably would have gone through with the abortion. Maybe she told you about how she planned to lie to me." Ryan jumped up, as he started to build up the scenario in his head. He paced the living room back and forth. "Maybe it was your idea. Seth wasn't going to come home without me and if there was no baby then I'd come back to Newport."
He swung around, throwing an accusing glare at Kirsten. "Sandy had no luck with Seth, so you called Theresa, concocted a story about losing the baby —"
"Enough, Ryan. That's enough. Don't talk to Kirsten like that. She doesn't deserve that."
He stopped pacing, aware that he pushed things too far, yet waiting for Kirsten to deny it. His heart was pounding, racing as if he had just jogged an eight-minute mile.
Kirsten's face was white. Her bottom lip quivered. She didn't know where the attack had come from. What had she ever done to deserve that reaction from Ryan? But she could tell he was waiting for her to refute his accusations.
In the kitchen Seth and Summer were staring at each other with wide eyes. "Theresa? Baby?" she mouthed.
Seth shrugged. He turned his face back to the living room, eager to hear more details. He definitely would not be able to share his news with his parents. As it was, they'd be ticked off that he hadn't discussed it with them first, but now it would be like pouring salt on an open wound.
He stood up, and edged closer to the door, hoping to hear better. Summer was right behind him. She put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. Seth took her hand in his, glad to have her behind him. His dad was glaring at Ryan. It was a look that Seth was familiar with. It usually meant someone was in trouble. But they weren't teenagers anymore. And it wasn't like Sandy and Kirsten grounded them any longer, or docked their allowance, or took away their car privileges. But Seth knew that knowing he had disappointed or hurt his parents was the worst punishment ever.
Sandy was quickly losing patience. "Apologize now." His nostrils flared. Ryan wrapped his arms around his midsection. His stomach was rebelling and he could feel the bitter taste of bile in his mouth. Yet he felt mutinous at the same time. He stuck out his lower lip, staring at Kirsten, waiting for her to say something. They were at a standoff.
"Ryan, apologize," Sandy demanded again. His eyes flashed.
Ryan wanted to say the words, do what his foster father wanted him to do, but they were stuck in his throat. Kirsten was just sitting there, her eyes wide with shock. Tears threatened to spill.
Finally, she stammered. "I – I would never hurt you like that. I know how much that baby meant to you."
"That's the thing." His voice was so quiet, Sandy and Kirsten had to slide forward to hear him. "I never wanted the baby. I was just trying to do the right thing." He turned. "I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't do … those things I said." He threw up his hands, said "I'm sorry" one last time and bolted from the room.
Ryan hadn't lived in the pool house for years. As soon as the contractors had finished the renovations, the fall after he had returned from Chino, Sandy and Kirsten had insisted he take a room in the big house. But every so often when he needed some alone time, he would wander out to the pool house to think. It usually took a while for anyone to find him, but this time Sandy followed him.
"I know this is hard for you."
Ryan shrugged.
"Kirsten and I, we want to help you anyway we can. But we've got to stick together. What happened in there cannot happen again. You cannot turn on your family."
"What do you want from me? I apologized!"
Sandy arched his bushy brows. "Did you really believe those things you said? Where did those accusations come from?"
Ryan mutely stared out the window, watching the white foamy waves roll and wash onto the shore. He tried to block out his thoughts and even Sandy's words. He just wanted to rewind the day and start again. He'd do things differently, change the course of events. Though, judging from how things unfolded, he'd have to go back four years, to that day in March when he and Theresa had slept together.
"Did you believe those things you said?" Sandy tried to hide the frustration in his voice.
"I don't know what I was thinking. It sounded right when it was coming out, but I know Kirsten wouldn't do that."
"It's a start."
Ryan slowly turned and leaned against the cool glass. Sometimes, he hated coming home, because Sandy and Kirsten always had the ability to make him feel like he was sixteen again. And he was long past the desire to be someone's little boy.
"It was stupid and I'm sorry. Can we just move on?"
"We can try, but you'll have to make things right with Kirsten."
Ryan nodded. He was about to add something when Kirsten walked into the room.
"I'm sorry to interrupt."
She looked down at the floor, not meeting Ryan's eyes, playing with the phone in her hands. Her back was straight and rigid. She had a false smiled plastered to her face. It was how she looked when he had first arrived at their house. His stomach lurched as he realized the damage his words had done.
"Theresa is on the phone."
"Oh." He swallowed. "I'll take it in here."
He took a long step over to the pool house extension. With one hand on the phone, he shot a meaningful look at his foster parents.
"Okay. Yeah. We'll give you a minute," said Sandy. "Come inside when you're done."
He nodded, and watched their receding figures, took a deep breathe. "Hello," he said, lifting the receiver.
"Ryan. It's Theresa." The sound of her voice catapulted him four years back. Her voice was clear and crisp, familiar like and old pair of sweatpants. "I'm sorry," she said.
"I don't get it. Why did you lie?"
"Because you were so unhappy and I know you wouldn't go back home unless there wasn't a baby to take care of. I meant well."
"Meanwhile, my son has been without a father for the first three years of his life. How is that right?"
"We don't know for sure that he's yours son."
Ryan laughed. It came out hollow, scaring Theresa on the other end. "Did you take a good look at him? Aside from the coloring, he looks just like me."
"There's much more of a chance that Eddie's the father. We were always careful. When are you not careful?"
"Eddie wasn't?"
She sighed.
"He always used protection, didn't he? So let's just have a paternity test. We can go to a lab." Ryan grasped the edge of his shirt, and pulled on a loose thread. He stopped pulling, when he thought he might rip the shirt from tugging too hard. "All we need is a swab from inside J.T.'s mouth. It shouldn't hurt. We can talk when we have the test results."
Ryan could hear Theresa breathing on the other end, but she didn't answer right away. He waited, tapping the glass of the pool house door.
"What do you expect if he's your son?"
"I expect to be a father to my boy. I practically grew up without my dad. It was no fun. If the Cohens…" His voice trailed off. "I can be a good dad."
He would never have said that before the night he stole the car with Trey, but living with the Cohens had changed all that. He had Sandy and Kirsten and he had been the recipient of their good parenting countless of times. From the time he had broken into the file room at Harbor to the times he and Seth had broken curfew. But even more than there gentle discipline was their unconditional love, their time and expertise. He could remember sitting in the kitchen and Sandy helping him find a way to fit in at Harbor or Kirsten giving him advice on how to make Lindsay's birthday special when they had first started dating. He could be a good father.
"It's not as easy as it looks."
"It doesn't change what I have to do. Look," he said getting annoyed, "do you agree to the paternity test?"
"I can't afford it, Ryan. It's not that—"
"I'll pay for it. I'll ask the Cohens to pay for it if I don't have enough. This is important to me, Theresa. At the very least you owe me this."
"Okay. We'll do it. Make the arrangements and call me."
He said good-bye and hung up the phone. Ryan knew that Sandy and Kirsten were waiting for him in the kitchen, but he needed a moment to collect his thoughts. He sank down onto the edge of the bed, where he first slept when he had moved in with the Cohens and buried his face in his hands. When he looked up again, he noticed Seth standing out by the pool, shoulders hunched, hands deep in his pockets. He was rocking back and forth on his heels, waiting for Ryan to give the nod of approval to come in.
Someone must be dying, thought Ryan. Otherwise, why would Seth wait to be invited in? Seth never waited for permission to gain entrance anywhere. He waved his hand, indicating to Seth that it was safe to enter.
"What do you know?" Ryan asked.
"Theresa. Baby. Lie."
Ryan shook his head ruefully. "You got the bare bones." He pointed to the chair. "You better sit. You'll end up on your ass anyway." Seth sat. "So back in '04, when I came to get you in Portland, Theresa called and told me she lost the baby."
"Right. I remember."
"So this morning when I'm with Trey, he's telling me about hanging out with Arturo and his three-year-old nephew." He paused, watching for Seth's reaction. "Do the math."
"So this is your kid."
"He looks like me. Even Sandy saw it. But we're going to do a paternity test to be sure."
"And then what?"
"I don't know. But no kid of mine is growing up not knowing who his father is."
"What about school? You're on the fast track to being an architect. You practically have a job signed, sealed and delivered at the Newport Group."
"I can do all that and help raise my son." But Ryan didn't sound convinced.
"Cool."
Ryan sighed. "I've got to talk to your parents. That is if Kirsten will even look at me." He ran a hand through his hair. "I really screwed up, Seth."
"She'll get over it. It's part of the job description that goes with being a mom. 'Kid says half-assed remarks, get over it quickly.'"
Ryan grinned, shaking his head.
"It probably goes with being a dad, so if you really think this kid is yours, you better get used to it."
Now Ryan was laughing.
Seth slapped his brother on the back. "Looks like a parent are approaching and we won't get to do what I do best, turn the conversation back to me. Keep me posted?"
"I will."
Seth slid past Sandy.
"I thought you said you'd come in when you were finished talking to Theresa."
"I needed a minute and then Seth came in."
"Come on, Kirsten is waiting in the kitchen."
He followed Sandy back into the house and slid into a chair by the counter. Kirsten pushed an empty glass and a container of orange juice towards him. She still wouldn't look him in the eye. He rubbed his eyes, wishing the churning feeling in his stomach would go away.
He'd sat at this counter so many times; doing his homework, reading the morning newspaper while shoveling overflowing spoonfuls of cereal into his mouth. Kirsten had stood across from him countless of times, just like this one, but without the haunted look in her eyes that questioned if she knew her son. She would lean against the counter, cradling a mug of coffee or hot tea asking about his day, or what his plans were for the weekend. Now she was awkward and unsure of their relationship. And Ryan hated himself for what he had said and done.
"I'm sorry, Kirsten."
"I know you are."
"You didn't deserve that. And… and… I didn't believe what I said. I don't even know where it came from."
"Ryan, it's fine," she snapped.
"Then why do you keep looking at me like you did that first weekend Sandy brought me home?" He was whispering, but his soft words brought her head up sharply. "Like you don't know who I am."
Kirsten twirled a strand of hair around her finger. "Tonight I didn't know who you were. But… but I'll get passed it. It's part of my job description as a mom. Kids say half-assed things all the time. I've just got to grin and bear it."
Ryan groaned. "You sound like Seth."
She grinned. "Well, Seth showed me my job description on his way upstairs."
Sandy slapped Ryan on the back and put his other hand on Kirsten's shoulder. "Do you think we can hear what Theresa had to say? I'm ready to explode."
Ryan couldn't believe it, but for the second time that evening, he was laughing. How could he laugh in the face of such an awful day? He filled his lungs, slowly let the air out, and filled them in on what they had missed.
"I don't know what the cost is of a test like this, but I have about a thousand dollars in my savings account. It's not much…"
"We'll pay for the test Ryan. Let's just settle this."
"Thanks." He hated taking more money from the Cohens. But this was too important, and he knew he would have to swallow his pride on this one. "I… I better call Trey. I sort of just dropped him. I should start explaining things to him." It was a conversation he was not looking forward too, and Ryan suddenly wished he had never resumed his relationship with his brother.