A/N: Updated! I left out an important part, sorry for the confusion!

In that one moment, those two words could not have had a more profound impact on my life. My name rolling off His tongue was the sweetest, and also the most distressing, thing I had ever heard.

I was torn. One part of me flooded with joy that I did have a place in Erik's heart, or at least His consciousness for the moment. The other, frightened that I now occupied that daunting, arcane territory.

In those last final days, how could I, or He, know that those two words were the beginning of the end?

"My Alessandra."

His. His Alessandra.

So many questions were forming, overwhelming in number and complexity. I could not help but think this was all some dream, or rather some distorted nightmare.

From the moment Erik carried me through the mirror, dragging me down into His lair, it was quite clear that things were to be unclear. Events seemed to blend together, making memories that I was sure happened just several hours before, fuzzy and muddled. Tensions were high, the stress of being taken prisoner and thrust into this perpetual kingdom of darkness weighed heavily upon my senses, until it became near impossible to distinguish fact from fantasy.

It was then that I realized that Erik was comparable to a drug, of sorts. Inducing pleasurable highs with euphorious reactions to touch and sound. Everything amplified, everything augmented. Everything was made to seem grandiose and ethereal. As if Erik merely teased me with the prospect of 'what could be', flaunting the mystery and intrigue in front of me, so near I could grasp it.

And then…

The drug would wear off. As all drugs eventually do.

When coming off the high, one must expect to drop to a sickening low.

I was falling.

The very aura Erik possessed melted before my eyes as He sniffled back sobs in my arms. The spell was broken. There was no captivating music to be heard, no ghostly touches whispering across my skin. There was just Erik. Gone was the unfeeling man, the distant man who seemed ever detached. Ever aloof.

Broken was the man in front of me. Aching for something, someone, that was impossible to have. And then, the whisper of my name upon His trembling lips. Those twisted lips that were usually formed into smirks and scowls, were now uttering my name. In want. In need. My name and not hers. For once not hers.

I would have been lying to myself to say that I was not completely ashamed of my actions. And that disgusted me even further. My head was a chaotic frenzy of emotions. Guilt, hope, fear, determination… oh! The guilt! If Erik was a broken man before, He was shattered beyond repair now.

How long could I put up with this charade? How long could He? How far would I go?

"Alessandra!"

For once not hers.

I closed my eyes, smiling lightly and relishing in the sound of Erik's mumbling. Without explanation, my mind ceased its frenzied pace.

It froze. I froze.

A sinister grin spread across my face, a maddening, fanatical expression coming alive.

My name! And not hers! Not hers!

Erik was here. With me. Crying out my name, choosing me!

I had to stifle my mouth to keep a wicked laugh from escaping. I could feel myself slipping further away from reality, from sanity, with each passing moment. There were still obstacles, I had to remind myself. Still barriers to overcome. My methods were not moral, even by an opera ghost's standards. But neither were His. With another pitiful whimper from the mass I cradled in my arms, I felt the last of my mind wither away. But they are working.

One could live with guilt, I reasoned to myself.

Everything I secretly wanted was in reach. Every hope and desire that was pushed back into the deepest parts of me were finally emerging. And all I would have to do to obtain them…

Erik shifted under me, and I was caught off guard when He pulled away suddenly. His eyes were swollen and puffy, His cheeks flushed. With a trembling mouth He hung His head sullenly.

It was then that I noticed the mask, or lack thereof. Slightly askew and crooked from the burrowing of His face, the bottom portion of it had been slipped away from its bondage. Marred flesh around the right half of His cheek was revealed. Pale skin, so transparent, tiny blue veins could be seen pulsing beneath the flesh. To His hairline the skin took on a jaundice hue, the bones that should have been His jaw line were bent and malformed. Assembling a rather twisted structure that in no way resembled a face. Harsh lines of bone jutted out at various angles, stretching the frail skin so tight, I was afraid it would break the surface.

It was unlike anything I had ever seen. I had reasoned to myself before, that no matter what lay under the visor, my feelings would remain the same regardless. That Erik's physical deformity would have no impact on my actions, for His physical features mattered not.

All sense of those silent promises abandoned me, and I was left quaking in the shadow of His face.

Standing there, seeing the defect fully, for the first time, frightened me beyond belief. My eyes went wide in astonishment and I gasped at the sight that was now before me. Half of His breathtaking, perfect face gazed at my reaction in bewilderment. Then, sensing my discomfort, the other ghastly half, twisted in recognition.

Still dazed, I offered my hand to the emaciated skin, brushing my fingertips along the distorted, skeletal frame that was the right half of His face. My mouth forming a breathless 'oh', as I traced the features of this side, giving it the same attentive care as I had given the other half in the hallways of the dormitories so, so long ago.

I smiled up at Him, my eyes weary and swimming with apprehension. It still frightened me, still stirred up shock that was deep inside of me, but I was able to look beyond it. To see past what so many others could not.

Like an instinctual reaction, Erik's hand quickly replaced the mask back unto His complete face. I swallowed hard, and composed myself.

"Erik, please. It does not matter," I said, a little too quickly, as if trying to quell my tension.

"You promised, you said you would not look under the mask. You must never look under the mask!"

His reaction was volatile. I tried to take Him into my arms again and soothe the hurting, make Him forget what I had done, but He flung my hands away. The tears of sadness that lingered on His lashes were brushed away hastily, and a more fiery visage took shape.

"You…you made me believe, I thought…" His words were pained and stammered.

Then, a piercing cry erupted from Him, plunging into me painfully. "You lie! You lied to me, Alessandra! You deceived me!"

My mouth hung open stupidly, for I could think of nothing to say to alleviate His pain. I only bowed my head, tears dripping silently onto the floor. I had misled Him. I knew it was wrong, oh! It was horrible of me to do so! But, I could not help it. I seemed my only way in to Him, the only way to make Him feel for me as He did for her.

And then, the mask. The horrible disfigurement I promised never to see, a betrayal, a treachery of the worst sort.

"Erik, please. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I only wanted to…" I gently raised my hand to caress His arm, but He recoiled back. Pointing an accusing finger at me, He only continued to mumble.

"Liar. You lied!"

No.

Like frigid water splashing on my face and bringing me back to my senses, Erik's tears had managed to seep through the fabric of my bodice. His words like whipping wind, freezing my chest, and ceasing my very breaths. I could not…I can not!

If this was what it took, I did not want Erik this way. Pain of the worst sort, repressed memories, a doomed love that would not ever be returned. This was not what I wanted at all. Oh! God! What have I done?

Repulsed by my own actions and thoughts, I shrank away from Erik, leaving Him cradling His face in His hands, as I retreated across the Great Room. I stumbled over the rocky floor, clutching one hand to my mouth to smother the cries of despair that squeaked out. I staggered across His desk, clutching the edges for support and knocking over several stacks of paper to the ground in my vain attempt to steady myself. I needed desperately to move as far away from Him as possible, I could not bear to see another tear fall because of me.

The clutter I had made sprawled out across the foot of the desk, and I lost my footing trying to trek through it. I tumbled to the stone, landing on my hands and knees. I rocked myself back and forth, my scream so intense it was not audible. My mouth was open in agony, contorted with the silent scream that twisted my lips, stretching them so far I feared they would split apart.

I had ruined everything with my selfishness. I was a burden, an intolerable thing that was utterly incapable of sentiment. Love? I had never been in love, nor loved by any man in return. What I felt for Erik could not have been love. People in love did not purposefully hurt each other, did not lie in each other's faces, did not deceive. And now… He will never love you, foolish girl! He hates you! I shook my head slowly as my mind finally came upon the truth, what I had been denying, wishing against for so long.

When I could no longer expel any more breath from my soundless cry, I sucked some back, screeching into the floor. I pounded my ailing hands into the stone, breaking the wounds open again. They bled, but I cared not. Leaning forward and supporting myself on my elbows, I ran my hands across my face and through my hair, all the while my body rocking with the violent sobs.

I waited there. All the while expecting to feel a comforting hand upon my shoulder, the strong, sinewy lengths lifting me up to support my trembling frame. I waited for Him to come and rescue me, as He had done many times before. I waited for Him to come and forgive me, even though I knew He never would.

Through blurry eyes, I chanced a look back in Erik's direction. He was not staring wide-eyed with pity or pardon, His brow was not furrowed in rage. His mouth hung slack, no smirk, no sneer marked. Only the thin lips drawn taught around His teeth bore the evidence that He was, at the very least, feeling something.

He stared at me, His eyes directly upon my recoiled frame. Then, without so much as a nod of acknowledgement, or the cock of His head in consideration, He turned and disappeared behind a door. Closing it with enough force to make the cavernous walls shake from the exertion.

I winced as the slam vibrated through the Great Room. I remained there, on the unfeeling ground, spread out on my hands and knees for several minutes. Drawing shaky, uneven breaths in through my body in a hopeless attempt to extinguish the portentous coldness I felt settling in.

I knew it was no use waiting for Him to change His mind. I knew that this is what had to be.

Defeated, utterly and completely defeated. The blood from my injuries dripped onto my lips, and the metallic taste sent back a pang of remembrance of earlier. When Erik and I had been discussing pain. I wondered which would be remembered in my mind, the memories or the feelings they emitted. The pain that seared. The remorse that scarred.

Weakly, I clawed my way back to my room, utilizing every ounce of waning strength I had left in my body. And with a final glance behind, in that pathetic hope that He would be there, I returned to the bed. Collapsing, onto the coverlet, I prayed for the numbness of sleep to come and take me.