197S9.9.22
We're underway, again.
Early this morning, a second wave of fiends swarmed the shore, but, instead of letting us fight them, the Maesters insisted that we hurry to board the boats. It was nothing we couldn't handle--the same flying fiends and snakes as before--but I suppose the Maesters just wanted to be sure all were safe...or that they would be safe, anyway. Through a little help from the healthier members of the other squads, we managed to get the injured aboard without any incident and they're now resting comfortably in the two rooms below deck previously used by the female recruits. Naturally, there's no need for them to be used in that manner, now, as Paine is the only female still active in the training and both she and Nooj have made it plain that she has no interest in such things. It has made a rather interesting change, though: at least three of the scattered recruits approached me, but at least they seemed to be willing to take no for an answer. I only wonder what Gippal would say...
...no, I shouldn't be thinking like that. It would be the same to lie with them as it is to lie with him, right? What would be different? I'm just as a battle boy to him...aren't I?
...why doesn't it feel that way? When did it change? Is it because he sacrificed so much for me, because, if it weren't for him--and Nooj and Paine, as well--I'd be dead in the sands...if I even managed to make it that far? I probably wouldn't have made it past the first days of training if it weren't for him; I would have shot myself with Pahho or I would have begged to be taken back to the temple rather than have to face Nooj. I wouldn't have any of the confidence I have now and I'd still be shaking like a child at the slightest hint of danger, if he hadn't supported me. I can still remember so clearly that first night when I cried in his arms with his fluids thick on my skin...I was so afraid that I had condemned myself that I couldn't see just how much it meant. I've come past that. Now, when I lie in his arms and watch him sleep, it's one of the most peaceful moments I have ever known and it surpasses even the feeling of kneeling before the Fayth.. It means so much...and he means so much.
...I don't want to be separate from him. I know it's an impossibility in this situation, but, whatever comes when this is over, I want to be where he is. I've even started to entertain the idea that we could all--Gippal, Nooj, Paine, and myself--demand an assignment to the same squad or, at least, to the same area. It's probably just a foolish daydream--the Maesters would probably scatter us across the globe simply out of spite--but it's so tempting; even for all the horrible things I've experienced, this has been one of the greatest times of my life...and it's all because of them.
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Thankfully, Nooj seems to be taking this boat ride much better than he had the last. I haven't had a lot of time to watch him to be sure that the medicines are doing what they should, but, the few times I did spot him, he seemed to be moving with more ease...and at least he's not laid up below deck, weak and desperately ill. I'm so glad that those pills are working well for him, though I think I'm really just glad that I've found one small way to repay him all he's done for me since I arrived; I don't think I can ever fully repay him--or even fully thank him--for making me into a stronger, more useful man, but at least I can offer a few small signs of my gratitude. How far he's brought me from that child who could do no more than cower and cry before him...
There's really not much to do now that we're on the boat and I'm a bit afraid the restlessness will soon begin to settle again. In hope of keeping that from happening, I decided to work on refining the remaining herbs and minerals on the deck, even if we may not have as much desperate need of them from here on in; it's likely better to have an excess of them rather than to be in desperate need of a remedy with none on hand. I decided to take Dani with me with the hope that he'd take interest, but he really did nothing more than just stare at the water. At least the fresh air probably did him well...
After a while, Paine joined us on deck and, though it started with her helping with the herbs, it soon turned into one of our usual chats. For a while, we discussed what we thought the next leg of the trial would be, but neither of us had any real strong ideas about it, aside than that we both assume it'll have to be less stressful than the trek through the desert. I'm...still not really sure how the topic of Gippal and myself came up. I think it may be because we were discussing how we both really don't want to have the squad split up once this is over, but the transition was so smooth that I can't really be sure; Paine always could get information out of me so easily and I often find myself telling her things which I had intended to keep to myself. I really can't be upset about it, though; I trust her implicitly and she's become such an older sister to me that I really can't begrudge her anything. Regardless, she seems to think I should just be honest about it.
I don't know. I...just don't know.
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Just as the sun was setting, the boat came to a temporary halt and, wanting to take advantage of this, Gippal asked me to come swimming with him; how could I refuse?
We both stripped down to our undergarments and, though Gippal jumped directly into the water from the ship's stern, I decided to freefall. I could see that Gippal found this amusing--it's hard not to notice the glint in his eye when he finds something really funny--but it didn't matter; even his amusement couldn't keep me from enjoying the caress of the warm air as I fell, followed by the cool embrace of the water. That always had been one of my favorite things, even if I rarely got to actually go swimming, and it was somehow made better by the fact that Gippal was there to share it with me. He seemed to be intent on repaying me for my antics on the shore, though, and he dunked me quite a few times. I had always been able to hold my breath for quite an impressive amount of time--just a natural habit enhanced by the fact that the other priestlings always seemed to want to dunk me--and, one of the times he held me under water, I decided to teach Gippal a little lesson.
So, now Gippal is aware of what happens when one has a weak ice spell cast on the crotch of his undergarments and, though he was less than pleased with me, I don't think he was all that injured; it certainly didn't keep him from teaching me a lesson, in turn. By the time the lesson was through, the first of the moons was rising and, watching it with my arms around Gippal, I couldn't keep myself from speaking.
I told him. As quietly as I could, I murmured into his ear that I had grown quite attached to him and that I didn't want to be away from him, when all this was over. I don't know what made me admit it--it could simply be the romance of watching the moonrise over the ocean--but I think I'm glad that I did; he did, after all, admit that he's gotten attached to me, as well. I...won't read too much into that, but it does make me very glad; maybe it is possible that we can remain together, no matter what the terms of our relationship may be. I think I'd be happy even if I could just be beside him...
After a while, we returned to the ship and, once I dried off and redressed, Paine and I checked in on the injured for the final time that night. Once that was finished, we all went to deck and, under the stars, we just talked for a while. It may be odd to say so, but I think these are the things which will stand out brightest in my memory: Nooj leaning against the railing and watching us through his glasses, not really participating, but obviously listening...Paine at his side, her arms crossed over her chest and a slight smirk on her lips every time Gippal or I made an inane comment...Gippal all but bouncing with energy and chattering through all the pauses in conversation. It's a small and unimportant thing, but the togetherness and peace among us in those moments are almost holy.
I did notice something odd while we were on deck, though.
I know it's no longer necessary for me to do so, but I've continued to use the stars to map our progress toward the mainland, if just to keep myself in practice. The odd thing is that, if I'm reading them correctly, the stars tell that we're heading almost directly back toward Mushroom Rock. That's simply ludicrous, though. It can't be true. The Maesters wouldn't drag us out to the desert only to return us back to where we started, would they? Even they couldn't be that cruel. I must simply be reading them wrong. I'm probably disoriented or too tired to read them properly. I ought to get some rest.
...as soon as I take care of Gippal's still slightly damp clothing. They ought to dry up in the crow's nest and I'm sure that he'll find them in the morning...