Title: St Judy's Comet

Author: Rachel

Email:

Pairings: B/A,

Disclaimer: Joss owns everyone, I own nothing. I'm simply taking them out to play with.

Distribution: Ask first, I'll probably say yes.

Rating: PG13 (for now anyway)

Spoilers: For BtVS S6 up to Smashed, for Ats after Dad

Notes: I didn't really like Buffy in S6, or much of that season at all, so I suppose this is my way of fixing it.

Summary: Buffy wants to live again.

Feedback: Is loved and much appreciated :)

Chapter 1

Her boot heels clicked against the floor, her heart pounded in her chest and her spine tingled with familiarity: all things she knew would alert her mate to her presence. He gaze fell on her, asking the obvious question: what was she doing here? She shifted uncomfortably as she stood in the lobby, a duffle bag in her hand and a backpack over her shoulder. She hoped that even if she did send her home, he would wait till the morning, she'd taken the bus to LA, and they wouldn't run again till morning.

She noticed for the first that he was standing without a shirt or shoes, and he was holding a baby sized bundle covered with a blanket. Silently, she walked the distance between her and her soulmate, stopping before him and the baby he held in his arms. She looked down at awake the little boy, studying his face and back up to Angel with wide eyes. She looked between them again: big face, little face. This was his son, Angel had a son. She set her duffle bag down and tentatively reached out, brushing her fingers across the baby's head. He gurgled at her touch and seemed to smile with his eyes.

"How?" She looked up at him with a hint of wonder in her voice. She didn't sound angry as he expected, but curious and amazed.

"A prophecy, we're not sure what it all means yet, but he's a part of it somehow."

She nodded; she knew how vague prophecies could be, having been part of more than a few herself. She held pinky finger and brushed it over his hand. She hadn't been around a newborn since Dawn was a baby. Her brow furrowed, he was a newborn wasn't he?

"How old is he?" she asked, keeping her eyes on the baby in Angel's arms.

"Three days." She could hear the smile in his voice, the sound of a new father. That alone made her feel happiness she thought was gone forever.

Angel had a son...and that son had a mother. She suddenly felt like she'd been punched in the gut, the happy feeling draining from her. The baby had a Mom, of course he had a Mom, how else would he have gotten here? That means Angel... she couldn't even finish that thought it hurt so much. Angel had someone else to love and raise a son with and she was just stupid for coming here in the first place. It was probably Cordelia, she always wanted Angel, now she had him, and his son. As tears welled up in her eyes, she dropped her hand away.

"I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come." Quickly, she grabbed her bag and started backing away. A hand shot out, catching her wrist.

"Wait." His voice was soft but firm, his deep chocolate gazing down at her. She was powerless to do anything but go to him.

He sighed in relief when she allowed him to pull her back. He'd seen the play of emotions on her face, and could almost hear her train of thought. Buffy, talk to me."

She sniffled, "What's to talk about? Y-you've got a son, and some beautiful girl who gave you a son and you don't need your whore of an ex-girlfriend ruining your life." She tried to run again, but he tightened his hold on her wrist. Her scent was...off, he knew it had been since she came back from the dead, but she still smelt like Buffy, like sunshine and vanilla. Now, it was different, she smelt like....Spike.

"Don't. Move." His jaw twitched with barely contained anger as he let go of her. He walked over a white bassinet, gently laying the baby down. He turned around to see her eyes brimming with fresh unshed tears, her bottom lip shaking with unreleased sobs. He felt all the anger drain out of him, it didn't matter that she smelt like Spike, or that she randomly showed up on his doorstep, the only thing that mattered right now were her tears, and doing every thing in his power to help.

He moved over to her, wrapping his arms around her shaking body, letting her crumble into him. She buried her face in his chest as the tears and sobs rolled out of her. She muffled her sobs so she wouldn't upset the baby. Funny how quickly that instinct kicked it.

He rubbed soothing circles on the bare skin of her back. "You're not a whore." he whispered into her hair. He got no response except more tears. "Shh, it's okay." He sighed, stroking a hand over her golden tresses. "You wanna tell me why you came here?"

She lifted her head to meet his eyes; they weren't angry or accusing, but wondering. She sniffled and wiped her nose on the back of her hand. Great, she just waltzed back into his life and the first thing she did was cry all over him and get snot on his chest, what a pretty picture she made. She took a step back from him, but couldn't go any further. His arms were around her waist with his and interlocking at the small of her back, not allowing her to leave the safe circle of his arms.

"I...I..." She looked down, suddenly finding her shoes very fascinating. She couldn't tell him about Spike, not yet. "Things have been kind rough since I came back from....you know." He was the only one who knew she'd been in Heaven. He'd found her soul resting peaceful when he was in Tibet. They'd even had a chance to say good-bye, but that was all before her friends pulled her from eternal rest. She'd never forget the anger on his face when they met after she came back, or the look of pure joy that he could hold her in his arms again. "Anyways, I was drowning; I think I still am, but...." She bit her lip in thought. "Something happened, and I don't wanna die, Angel, I wanna live." She looked up at him with wide, hopeful and incredible scared eyes. "I want you to help make me live again."

He sighed again, letting his arms fall away from her, he walked over to check on Connor, who was fast asleep in his bassinet. He'd been trying to get him to go down for an hour, maybe Buffy had the same calming effect on Connor that she had on him.

"I want to help you Buffy, more than anything, but with Connor–"

"Connor?" she said, almost as if she was testing name on her tongue. She smiled, "I like it, very Irish-y."

"Thank you." He smiled at her smile; this was making it harder to say what he had to say.

"I was saying, with you and Connor around it'd be a minefield for perfect happiness. It's my soul desire to be with you, but I can't, I won't risk it for either one of you."

"Oh!" she yelped, and then quickly covered her mouth. She walked over to still sleeping baby and breathed a sigh of relief. "Sorry," she whispered. She slid her backpack off her shoulder, unzipping the front pocket and pulled out a folded piece of notebook paper.

"It's a soul binding spell." She handed it to him for his examination. "Willow and Tara said it should work, she wanted me to have so we could.... not that we have to. I'll bind your soul just so you can have it bound, especially with Connor around. Not that you can't sleep with me if you want to. Ball's in your court really." She rambled with a nervous chuckle as she waited for his answer.

A/N: Review if you want more. :)