One More Confessional
Part Eighteen
197S9.9.25
The Maesters rushed us down to the Mushroom Rock cave area first thing this morning. I suppose they think we're better off standing around waiting for our final orders in a cold, damp, dark place rather than up in the pleasant sunlight.
Nooj found us a secluded corner away from the main group. He probably thinks that I'm chronicling events since yesterday evening, but mostly I'm snuggling up to him and listening to him talk into his personal recorder. He has a lovely voice, and I so rarely get to hear it for more than a few words at a time. Just listening in would be a treat, even if he weren't saying such sweet things about me.He is much more eloquent when talking into the device than when talking with me. Interesting. A minute ago, he commented that he'd be happy to let me browse through the entries if I like. I find the prospect both fascinating and a little scary. I have to admit, I'm not so certain I'd let him read my journal. Even lovers need to keep a little private space in their heads.
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Turns out I was too much of a distraction, so he kissed me soundly and then sent me back to the others so that he could finish making his notes. So now I'm with Baralai and Gippal, all of us taking these free minutes to record whatever it is we need to say. Although they keep glancing at each other, and smiling, and touching more than strictly necessary. And there's a new knife strapped to Baralai's leg -- I wonder whether Gippal ended up engraving it? I guess yesterday was special for them, too. It does my heart good to see them happy. I so hope those two can stay together, even if all four of us can't.
Everyone else seems weirdly nervous. I'm not feeling the undercurrent of excitement I would expect right before a final mission. Must be the atmosphere -- now that I don't have Nooj to warm me, I can feel just how chilly and creepy it is down here. Everyone who survived the desert is present, except for Dani. I wonder what happened to him? Did the Maesters finally see that he was completely unfit for duty? Or maybe Baralai got him away.
Baralai-- when I went to load my camera this morning I found a sheet of paper with instructions for making the painkiller tucked in my sphere bag. He must have written them out for me last night and stowed them where he knew I would find them. I haven't had the chance yet to tell him how much I appreciate that -- they rushed us down here too quickly, and I don't want to bring it up in front of everyone else. He did shoot me a look a few minutes ago, and I patted the bag and nodded. I'll need to find a chance to thank him properly. I took a look over his notes but didn't have time to read them closely; I've stored them in a more secure place for now.
Nooj and I spent last night wrapped up in one another. We didn't talk much -- we both used up most of our words earlier -- but I did take a moment to make it clear to him that I'm not going anywhere. My place is by his side and nothing can tear me away. Not Sin, not Yevon, not anything that he imagines I might find more appealing. Whatever comes next, I am his, now and forever, and I needed him to know that.
Finally, they're calling us together. Let's get this thing over with.
197S9.9.26
I'm having flashbacks to my flight from Kilika. Back then, I probably only imagined that I was being hunted by all the hounds of Yevon. Today, they really are on our heels, and we're not even sure why.
We ran all of yesterday and through the night and now we're holed up-- somewhere. We're headed in the general direction of Luca; that's all I know. No one is injured, but the guys are tired and distressed, especially Nooj, whose condition has me worried. What the hell happened to them in that cave?
The cave. They lined us up, I started recording, and the Maester repeated our orders. It was an observational mission only -- the candidates were to explore a particular cave, discover what they could, and report back. Whoever survived and presented a satisfactory report would be named to the Crimson Squad. The mission defied all logic, but we didn't have much choice in the matter; we marched in. Nooj put me behind him in the formation. He'd best not make a habit of protecting me like that, but I have to say that I'm not complaining this time. Something felt wrong about that exercise from the beginning, and I was grateful to have him as a shield. I was able to record from around his back easily enough.
Before anything else, I noticed the pyreflies. The cave was filled with them, tracing their ghostly paths and filling our ears with their eerie cries. I'd never seen so many in once place. Much like how I imagine the Farplane, except spookier. Soon the other candidates were scuffling, fighting, shouting. At first I assumed they were just competing for weapons and supplies as they'd been ordered to do, but it soon became clear that it was much darker than that: they were shooting each other. Killing each other. For no apparent reason. It was, quite frankly, terrifying.
The four of us moved away from the others by unspoken agreement. They seemed to be gripped by some sort of madness and we wanted to get as much distance from them as possible. So we went toward the back of the cave and then-- Hold on.
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Nooj was in awful shape: shaking, his eyes unfocused and his breathing difficult, saying all kinds of distressing things into his recorder. Since I couldn't keep an eye on him and make my own notes at the same time, I took a break -- I can always refresh my memory with the sphere. He seemed so exhausted, unable to focus. At first I just made him take some water and lean against the rock wall, but it didn't really help. Finally I convinced him to take a nap. His sleep is fitful, though; he's twitching and even mumbling occasionally, something I haven't known him to do since he started taking the painkiller. Well, it's better for him than no rest at all.
All right, where was I? Right, the back of the cave. With Nooj resting, this might be a good time to watch my recording -- I'd rather not pull it out while he's alert, he's still too fragile to relive the experience.
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It's gone.
The fiend-damned sphere is gone!
It must have fallen out of my bag as we ran, along with several of the others -- at least half a dozen are missing. Dammit. Dammit! With the guys' memories all conflicting and my own so overwhelmed by fear, that sphere was our only hope for reconstructing what really happened. And now it's lost. I can only hope that it's lying around somewhere on Mushroom Rock Road, not in the hands of the Maesters.
I'll have to rely on my memory, then. I know what I saw, but I'm not sure I really understand it.
We approached the back of the cave, where a swarm of pyreflies started concentrating itself into a-- shape. I can't explain it any better than that. It was yellowish green, but I really couldn't say what it was forming. An unsent? A fiend? Then the mass started to fly straight at Gippal. He ducked, and the swarm found the next target -- Nooj, who was standing right behind him. The pyreflies swirled around him, into him. He grabbed his head and doubled over, moaning, clearly struggling with something. I was on the verge of dropping my camera and running to his aid, but Gippal and Baralai were there before my body could turn the thought into action, both men shouting his name.
Then Nooj straightened with a perfectly blank look on his face, raised the gun he had taken from the floor, and aimed it straight at Baralai's forehead.
Baralai dropped to his knees as Gippal pulled his own weapon and pointed it at Nooj, shouting a panicked warning to drop the gun. Then Baralai got to his feet, the gun in his right hand slowly rising and aiming itself at Gippal's head. The pyreflies swarmed even more tightly, flying and dancing around all three of them. And they froze into a triangle of death, each facing into the barrel of a gun, each pointing a weapon at one of his fellows. I walked slowly around them, still working the camera, not daring to breathe.
Then they started to-- shout? Howl? Scream? I can't describe the noise that emerged from their throats, but it sounded just like the sounds that the other candidates had made right before they fired their weapons. I remember a single thought passing clearly through my mind: "They're going to kill each other!" Panic won out over terror, and I forced my way between them, yelling at them to stop.
It got through. I don't know how, I don't know why, but all it took was the sound of my voice. The guys lowered their guns with agonizing slowness. They looked around at one another in shock, and then they all collapsed.
Gippal was up first and soon followed by Baralai. Nooj was much slower to recover -- the other two needed to haul him to his feet and support him as he walked. He seemed terribly disoriented. All I could do was carry his cane as I swapped in a new sphere and kept recording. We left the cave, then took a minute to regroup and let Nooj collect himself. But they were almost immediately called on to make a report. The guys all said they saw something, though they don't seem clear on what. A person, or a giant hulking shape that growled, or maybe both. I didn't see or hear anything like they described, nor did I feel the overwhelming emotions of despair and regret they all experienced. So I stayed silent, camera running.
The head priest and warrior monks who took the report seemed disappointed, but then the priest proclaimed the mission a success and congratulated the guys on making the Crimson Squad, directing them to Maesters' tent as their first assignment. Baralai and Gippal broke into grins and started clapping each other on the back as they headed away, but Nooj barely reacted, his face blank again. It was odd, and worrisome. He started to walk off in a daze, and I put a hand on his arm to steady him, when I heard the clicking sound of rifles being cocked behind us. I turned around and--
Nooj is awake and calling my name. My recollections can wait; I need to see to him first.