Chapter 37: Make Her Listen

Derek was tired. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Last night had been a long night for him and he quickly learned it was not the best idea to read Little Red Riding Hood to Carwyn before bedtime when you lived in a tiny trailer in the middle of the woods. Needless to say, neither one of them got much sleep.

Added to that was the constant turmoil coursing through his body. He loved Meredith. He loved her so damn much, but she was being stubborn. He thought she just needed some time to cool off. She went through a lot. More than any one person should. He thought that by walking away, abiding with her wishes, that she'd come around.

Almost one month later, he was still waiting. He was getting worried. Meredith was slowly turning back into her dark and twisted self. Her walls returned and even her close girlfriends were having a hard time getting through to her.

He'd tried the 'get her to talk route'. That ended up with her avoiding him at all costs. Every time he'd turn a corner and she was there; she'd abruptly turn on her heel and high tail it in the opposite direction. Every time he'd enter the same room as her, immediately she'd find an excuse and quickly leave. No matter what he did, he couldn't get her to discuss what was going on.

Then he'd tried the 'pretend he wasn't dying a slow death inside' approach. That turned out just as bad. His purposeful actions of trying not to let her get to him came across as coldish and he could have sworn she'd shot him a dirty look.

No. This wasn't going well at all. He needed another plan, and he needed it quick. Before it was too late. Before she pulled herself so far away and the damage was irreversible.

"Ten bucks it's Monoclonal Gammopathy."

"Fifteen it's Lymphocytopenia." Cristina countered Alex's first bet.

"Twenty it's Thalassemia. And I get in on the transfusion." Meredith threw in, surprising the other two residents.

"Since when do you join in on our bets?" Alex shot confused.

"Since the diagnosis is so obvious even a first-year med student could diagnose it. Look at the chromosome work up results. A five-year-old couldn't miss that." Meredith shot back bitchy.

Alex and Cristina exchanged glances, already used to the new sour attitude Meredith adapted. She was quick to blame it on her pregnancy hormones, but everyone knew better. There was only one reason for the sudden bitter depression and his name started with a Mc and ended with a Dreamy.

Meredith ignored the looks being exchanged over her head as she dutifully finished up a chart from an earlier surgery she assisted Callie on. It felt good to have something to do. She liked work. Work was good. Work kept her mind off things. Off of her life and how tremendously screwed up it was becoming again. Off of the fact that she only had herself to blame.

She shook her head as her mind started to wander once again. Derek's face kept flashing in her mind, and she had to squeeze her eyes to blur the image. She repeated to herself over and over that she was doing the right thing. She set Derek free. It was the right thing.

She figured if she kept telling herself that again and again that maybe it would come true. Maybe the real reason would wash away and disappear before anyone figured it out. If she could fool the rest of the world, eventually she'd be able to fool her own heart.

"Uh…Mer? Isn't that…."

"McVet?!" Cristina finished for Alex, her voice an even balance of disgust and disbelief.

Meredith groaned and looked up to see a cheerful Finn walking towards them. She quickly looked around for a good place to hide before he noticed her, but wasn't quick enough.

"There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you. Did you forget I was coming for coffee?" Meredith fought the urge to roll her eyes as Alex and Cristina watched on with intense interest.

"Oh…um…I'm working Finn…and I couldn't…" She let her voice drop as she noticed her two friends still staring with their mouths open.

She shot them a heated look before turning back to the unwanted guest. "Look… I'm sorry…"

Meredith was interrupted by the simultaneous sound of both Cristina's and Alex's pagers going off. They both grunted annoyed, clearly finding the ongoing confrontation amusing and not wanting to miss a word.

Alex hurried off; tossing a look over his shoulder as Cristina smirked to her friend.

She muttered under her breath so the Vet wouldn't hear. "Sorry... you're on your own…" And she hurried off, her laugh quietly echoing in the silence.

"So, about the coffee…" Finn smiled, oblivious to everything that had just been exchanged.

Meredith sighed, not knowing what to say. She didn't want to hurt his feeling but she also didn't want to spend one more second with him then needed.

"Finn… you're a great guy…"

"But…" Finn supplied, his face dropping.

Meredith tilted her head and offered a soft smile.

"It's okay." Finn went on. "Stormy said I shouldn't be so pushy when I ask a girl out." He shook his head, berating himself. "I should've listened."

Meredith furrowed her brows. "Stormy?"

"Ya… my horse."

"Your horse is Stormy?"

"Ya." Finn didn't get what she was having a hard time figuring out.

"Your horse gives you relationship advice?" She raised her eyebrows.

Finn laughed. "Don't be ridiculous Meredith. A horse giving relationship advice?"

Meredith laughed out loud, placing a hand on her stomach to steady it. When the laughter died down from both of them, she wiped an amused tear and placed her hand on his arm.

"Thank heavens. For a minute there you were scaring me."

Finn chuckled. "Of course Stormy doesn't give relationship advice… he only gives tips on how to pick up women."

Meredith immediately sobered and took a step back.

"Oh…right." She looked up and down the hall, needing an excuse to get away as fast as she could.

Her eyes locked with familiar intense blue ones. He looked like he had just been slapped across the face and she wondered why until cold realization settled. Derek must have walked up and saw her laughing animatedly with what he assumed to be an ex-lover.

Meredith's jaw dropped and she turned back to Finn to see him watching them both. Meredith suddenly felt sick as she forced her eyes back to Derek, only to see an empty spot where he once stood.

The sickening feeling of moments before multiplied as she put a hand to her mouth to stifle a sob. She ignored the confused look on Finn's face as she turned the opposite way Derek had disappeared and fled down the hall.

It was happening. Her worst fear. She claimed that the reason she'd pushed Derek away was to not hurt him. It was just too hard to admit the true reason. The fact that she pushed him away to avoid herself any further pain. The reality that Derek had stayed by her side through so much was completely foreign to her. She knew that it was only a matter of time until he'd grow tired of her endless drama and complications, and he'd walk away. Like everyone she'd ever cared for in her life.

If Derek ever chose to leave, she knew she'd never survive. She'd never be strong enough to overcome the loss. So, she'd pushed. She had thought it would be easier being the one to walk away. But she'd been wrong. And now, after seeing the look on Derek's face, she wondered what she'd done.

How could she have messed up something so perfect? Again, she thought for the millionth time in the last month, what had she done?

Derek sunk in the large soft chair behind his desk, covering his face with his hands. He felt his world slowly spinning out of control. He was so sure this was just a faze, something he and Meredith would work through. Now he shuttered at the thought of how wrong he was.

He hadn't seen Meredith smile in weeks. Laugh in even longer. And there she was. Her head tipped back, mouth open wide, laughing joyously. And with him. He didn't know what was worse, the fact that the love of his life was acting like life was hunky dory when he was shriveling up inside; or the fact that it was her ex-boyfriend causing her to feel so at ease.

A soft knock at the door brought Derek's face from his hiding spot in his hands. He looked up as Addison stepped carefully in.

She studied her ex-husband for a moment before speaking. "How're you holding up?"

Derek shook his head, having a difficult time trying to come up with an appropriate response. "I…I just don't know what to do anymore…"

He leaned back in his chair and let out a heavy sigh. Addison settled herself in the seat opposite his desk.

"She still loves you Derek… she's just scared…She's never had this kind of love before… she doesn't understand unconditional."

Derek nodded slowly. " I realize that…but… what if it's more… what if she just doesn't feel the same way about me anymore…"

Addison laughed, causing Derek to jerk his head up and scowl.

"Oh… you're being serious." Addison cleared her throat and sobered her expression. "Derek. She loves you…there's absolutely no question about that. Haven't you noticed her pissy demeanor lately? She's miserable without you. Trust me… I deal with crabby pregnant woman all day long… and Meredith trumps them all. She needs you. She's just too stubborn to admit she's wrong."

"You're right about one thing. She is stubborn." He ran a hand through his hair frustratingly. "So what am I supposed to do Addie? I've tried talking to her… she won't listen. She runs every time she sees me."

Addison shrugged. "Make her stop running. Make her listen."

They stared at one another for a moment longer until Addison's pager went off. She stood as she checked the page and an unsettling look crossed her face.

"What is it?"

Addison looked back up and shook her head. "Um… it's probably nothing. I'll.. uh.. I'll talk to you later Derek."

And with that she turned and hurried out of the room.

Derek sat alone in his office, wondering what had caused Addison to visibly pale like she had. He shook the bad feeling that entered his stomach and focused on the small framed picture to the side of his desk.

His two girls stared back at him with matching smiles and a tiny one of his own crept on his tired face. She was still his girl. Even if she didn't want to be anymore, he wasn't going to give up as easily. That pansy vet didn't stand a chance and he would do all he could to get across to Meredith.

Addison was right. He would have to find a way to make Meredith stop running. To make her listen.