A/N I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE you! hands out cookies
Harry was sitting in History of Magic, a most boring class, when Hedwig came swooping in. Well, I don't know if Kreacher can read, so I sent you this. Forward it to him if it pleases you.
25 things not to do when you inherit Sirius Black's old house-elf
25. Immediatly decapitate him and stick his head on top of Mrs. Black
24. Comment on the improvement
23: Make him do mundane tasks over and over again, until he goes insane. Well, even more insane than he is now
22. Attack him with a Vaccuum cleaner without explaining what it is
21. Wet yourself laughing at how terrified he is
20: Dress him up like Santa and act out Kidnap the Sandy Claws, except it's kidnap the Kreacher Claus (Kidnap the Kreacher Claws, beat him with a stick...)
19. Say as many mean things about the Black family as you can. Say them very loudly, while burning the family crest
18: Rapair the burnt crest and do it again!
17. Comment on how cold it is and turn up the furnace while he's in his little...house thing
16: Tell him that loincloths are out of style, then, give him a spangly spandex outfit
15. Run around the house singing "This is the song that never ends, and it goes on and on my friends, some people, started singing it not knowing what it was, and then they kept on singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends…"
14: Set him on fire, then chase him around the house with a fire extinguisher
13. Accidentally "break" the fire extinguisher
12. Ask him to make dinner, and then order out
11: Sell him into slavery
10. Push him off the roof.
9. When he hits the ground go, "Well done, Kreacher! Now we know that house-elves certainly can't fly!"
8. While we're on the subject of flying, talk him into going bungy-jumping
7. Take him on a merry-go-round till he gets sick.
6. Pay a bunch of little kids to beat him up
5. Offer him up to be captured by wild talking creatures to be sacrificed at a pagan alter.
4. Tell him he needs to get educated and make him watch Sesame Street
3. Put him in the washing machine. Watch as he goes round and round. Lend him a decent sized pair of pants before doing this however
2: Make sure you feed him lots before doing number 3
and #1? Stuff him in a body bag, put him in the freezer, put the dead body in front of the Ministry of Magic and blame the Mob
Harry had to try to contain his laughter, wondering if indeed there was a Wizard Mob before forwarding it to Sirius
glares at Don't even think it
R&R, and you'll get MORE cookies!