Poetry Circle TIME!
Okieday,
I feel like bashing Sues today!
So if you like em,
Go away,
I feel like bashing Sues today!
Author takes one look at this poem, and starts laughing hysterically at inability to write poetry.
I'd like to dedicate this chapter to crazyroninchic, for giving me inspiration while I reviewed her story, and letting me use Starr. And besides, I like dedicating chappies. It makes people happy. :D
Disclaimer: Yeah, I'm J.K. Rowling, and my uncles a dancing monkey. (watches uncle dancing and looking like an ape) o.0
A Mary Sue, henceforth known as Starr. is walking down the corridors of Hogwarts, looking so perfect the author wants to puke her lunch up. She laughs. The authors ears bleed from the pureness. Then the author screams in agony as she begins to lecture Harry on how to kill old Moldy Voldie.
Suddenly, the author has a brain splurge. She grabs parchment, and 25 numbers later, the author throws the parchment as an aeroplane, which hits that Mary Sue in the head.
The Mary Sue picks up the letter. The author sticks around to laugh at what the Mary Sue will act like.
25 things not do to around Mary Sues. But you wanna do them anyway, so you do!
25. Tell them how they make you wanna puke. (Throw your hands up, PUKE! Throw your hands up….okay, yeah…)
24. Emphasize this point by throwing up on their perfection.
23. Pull their hair.
22. Tell them that her eye is changing to brown.
21. Make the eye brown.
20. Laugh at them (A/N I know people have this condition, and I think it's cool, but come on, purple and brown? On a Mary Sue? Wouldn't you laugh?) for now having a purple and brown eye.
19. Push her over the moving stairwells hoping she'll fall on one far, far below. Really far. Really, really, really far.
18. Tell her she's a pimple on society's ass and she'll never amount to anything.
17. Tell her she's a fraud. She's not pretty. She'll never save the world, and Draco/Harry/Sirius/whoever only wants her for the assets.
16. Attempt to poison her. As we all know, her damn little fairy will come and bring her back to life with all this bull about how she hasn't completed her task, or some other bullshit excuse.
15. Make a voodoo doll of her, and then stab it viciously with pins.
14. Melt her perfect plastic face. Come on, we all know THAT's fake.
13. Ask just how many plastic surgeries she had.
12. Steal her love interest right from under her nose, like Legolas…
11. Mention in front of her love interest how her affair with Snape is working out?
10. Lock her in the astronomy tower with McGonnagal and Trewlany.
9. Send her to Voldies Lair.
8. Drop "hints" that she's working for the Death Eaters to the Order, then laugh when she's sent to Azkaban.
7. Take her credit card and stick her on a plane to Paris. Far away from you. With no money to shop with. Oh, well. Guess she can't buy anything on her permanent vacation.
6. Give her a love potion. A special love potion that makes her love Voldemort.
5. Put the Sue in something ugly, like the Yahoo avatar clothes!
4. Sacrifice her at a pagan alter. About time too.
3. Lock her in a room with Bean (A/N My little sister.) and her stuffed reindeer.
2. Jinx her off her broomstick while she's playing Quidditch perfectly.
And the number one thing you shouldn't do to Mary Sues, but you want to do anyway, so you do is Drug her, take her to a plastic surgeon and deform her.
After reading the list, Starr burst into tears. "How could anyone hate me that much?" She sobbed.
The author meanwhile, is laughing hysterically. And cackling evilly.
And wanting people to review. Pwease? puppy dog eyes