A/N I feel kind of bad to write this. I mean, I just keep imagining Hagrid crying and it makes me feel soft…I know, GASP! She has a HEART!

Many thanks to Ayane, who helped me get this chapter up, love ya…just not in that way, yeah, okay, let's just sing our song…You drink your fancy ales, you can drink em by the flagon, but the only brew for the brave and true, COMES FROM THE GREEN DRAGON! Yeah, and Tolkein owns that, I think…either that or Merry and Pippin…

Hagrid was sitting, moping over the fact that he still couldn't take care of Buckbeak, when a letter from someone, probably Dumbledore, came whizzing through his window. He opened it, expecting something saying "Come to my office, and we'll talk about Snuffles' pet." Instead, it said:

25 things not to do when Hagrid asks you if you want a teacake.
25. Poke it. You don't know where it's been
24. Ask if it has to be another teacake.
23. When he comes with the platter, apologize, and say, "Sorry, I already ordered tea."
22. Say, "I hear the Castle has absolutely spiffing tea, AND it has the added bonus of being edible!"
21. Back away slowly

20. Ask if he makes food with his magic...they're both as bad
19. Start an advertisement for his horrid teacakes. "Hagrid's Horrible Teacakes! We're willing to pay you to take them away!"
18. Kiss his nose sympathetically and say "Whatever you say, Haggy dearest!"
17. Tell him you know about Aragog, and that you'll set him on the world if you have to eat another teacake.
16. Tell him it was your turn last week, and call a friend over.
15. Tell him to send some to old Moldy Voldie as a "Celebretory Tea"
14. Along the same lines, ask "how can Voldie be so scary if his fangs fall out?"
13. Mine, but...Bring a hammer with you. When he asks what the hell you're doing, say "I am making them semi-edible"
12. Ask him if inability to cook is a giant thing, or just him.
11. Ask him why he has a PINK umbrella.
10. Ask him if he ran out of food, or if Madame Whatsername just ran
9. Say "Gee, Hagrid, I'm sorry, but when I got your invitation, I filled up at lunch.
8. Tell him not to quit his day job.
7. Send him to Home Ec class.
6. Threaten him with a visit from Ayane
5. Make him visit with Ayane, where she can eat his cooking
4. Threaten to get him caught in possesion of Norbert if he makes you eat one more.
3. Have a staring contest with it. AHA! IT BLINKED!
2: Call Malfoy (Sr.) over, and have him bring the head of a hypogriff looking quite similar to Buckbeak.
1. Yell, "RUN AWAY!" Like in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Not that any of you know what it is, you wizarding freaks.

Hagrid looked at the paper dumbly, and then started up to the castle to talk to Dumbledore about his cooking.

Awww. Poor Haggy. If you review, he'll feel better!