The mystery author was being dragged into court for "Harrasment" Well, she is quite prepared for this. When asked to speak, she promptly stood up, and began reading:

25 things not to do at your ministry hearing:

25. Stand up and yell: IT WAS ALL THE PICKLE'S FAULT! IT MADE ME DO IT!

"I'd just like to take a second and say: IT WAS THE PICKLE! And it tasted good!"

24: Take a water gun filled with mustard and shoot it at random people

After this one she pulled out a water gun. Noting the alarmed looks of the jury, she laughed and put it away in a little pocket of cyber space.

23. Spray paint the judges with the letters spelling "Fudge is a LOOOOSER!

"Lime green or hot pink?"

22: Randomly dance the can-can around the room

"No. I'm too dignified for that."

21. If you were bad enough to be escorted by Dementors, constantly bring up how they aren't very nice, and they need to be replaced.

"AND IT'S THE TRUTH!"

20. Also, your cell was very uncomfortable

"So was that!"

19: And the food? Don't get me started.

"I think that Boa Constrictors have better food! At least they know what it is!"

18. Tell a fake story with a confession and at the end go, "Of course, I was lying" Proceed to laugh in their faces

"And then, the pretty unicorn, it communicated that I need to make the writers laugh! SO I DID! NOT! It was all-HER!" She pointed to a random witch in the crowd, who waved.

17: Tell them it wasn't you, it was someone who had taken Polyjuice Potion to frame you

Now she was holding up the evidence of the bottle

16. Remind them of how you are mentally unstable every minute

"And I am, make no mistake. ASK ANYONE! Ask saerwen°, and the Werewolf Mage±, or Lady Elbereth Tealrose², or ANYONE!

15: Everytime someone says something, do a one person wave

14. Ask if they have padded handcuffs, because these are uncomfortable

"Well, do you?"

13: Get really drunk about an hour or so before the hearing

"Sadly, I am a minor. Also, they don't have Alcohol in Azkaban."

12. When they let you off for insanity, ask them if you get a nice, white jacket and a room

made of sponge

"I've always wanted one of them."

11: Tell them you'd rather have Judge Judy sentence you than a bunch of idiots who constantly make false arrests

"And she's weird too…"

10. Tell them that Voldemort has come back. Repeat. Repeat again.

"HE HAS!"

9: Ask them if any of them actually passed law school

"Have you? No? I didn't think so…"

8. Show them your law degree from Kiddie Acadamy.

"Ain't it purdy?"

7: Tell them the voices made you do it!

"Are they disturbing you now?"

6. Poke the middle of your forehead going "AHHH! I JUST KILLED A BRAIN CELL!" Continue doing this, even as they cross-examine you

poke "OH NO! THAT WAS MY LAST ONE!"

5: Say, "Wouldn't you rather be hunting down illegal Animagi than be here?"

"Wouldn't you?"

4. Conviently forget that is could be why you are there

3: Steal someone's wand, then taunt them by dancing around and saying, "I got your magicky stick, whatcha gonna do about it?"

"Well, I'm too lazy to try that…"

2. Stare at the ceiling. When they wave their hand in front of your face go: AHHHH! A COMET!

"Comet's are cool. Did any of you see Comet Shoemaker-Levi 9 when it crashed into Jupiter in '94? No? Shame. I didn't either…too young."

: 1. Sob and cry, then be all chipper, and go, "Mr. Judge, you're my bestest friend, you know that?" Then proudly walk around with him in tow, showing him to every wizard there.

"And this is my BESTEST FRIEND!"

Eventually the judge covered his ears. "ENOUGH! GET HER OUT! INNOCENT! GUILTY! INNOCENT!"

A/N: Many thanks to WWM for the idea and helping. A little unrealistic, but then what is reality?

°Me friend. Read some of her stuff. She writes angst/humor

±Another friend. She writes A LOT. Very good stuff. She's a co-writer on this…

²Hasn't posted anything, buts she's a reliable source. XD