walk steady on this cruel world's path

By: Aviantei

Epilogue:

"My Heart Got Here Before My Body Could Make It"

Allow me to share a list with you of my least favorite things:

The feeling you get when you know you're about to sneeze, but your nose just won't do it.

Cats with attitude.

The smell of stewed tomatoes (makes me nauseous every time).

People who are rude to you and conveniently forget the fact when there's something in it for them.

Being crammed into an overloaded train compartment when you're already at risk of running late and can do nothing but deal with the jostling of bodies and the general taste of humanity sticking to the back of your throat.

Okay, so the last one was my fault by getting distracted by picking up a manga volume to read over breakfast, but I'd bought a pile of new releases the other day and had yet to get through them all, so cut me some slack. If I hadn't been at risk of missing my train connection, I could've just waited for a less packed one, but, nope, it was time to suffer. And, why yes, I can hear you calling First World Problems from all the way over here. Just because it's not as bad in comparison to everything else going on around the planet doesn't make it less annoying.

I hummed under my breath to the music for my next performance in my headphones, trying to distract myself from the nausea pulsing through my stomach. Just two more stops, and I'd be free—and I'd just have to hope that the next train wasn't as crowded. If nothing else, it'd be a crowded train with Kiyoko-chan? A pleasant enough distraction to tide me over until we arrived at the station and could head to class.

In the miracle of miracles, a cluster of people spilled out of the train at the next stop and only a few more got on, making the result substantially more comfortable for everyone else still on it. I breathed out a sigh of relief with the rest of the passengers as the train doors shut and we started moving again. With a little more room to myself, I rolled my shoulders and stretched my neck, trying to reclaim at least a little bit of my mobility.

In the middle of loosening up my levator scapulae, someone caught my attention.

There wasn't any particular reason for it; they looked just about like any other college student with a bit of an edgy streak to them. Dark hair cut short and kept just the right amount of messy to be cool, a corded choker around their neck, a few studs in their ears along with a bar piercing above their eyebrow and a thin nose ring, a tight-fitting dark shirt that showed off the muscle they'd built up on their otherwise lean frame, and a backpack hanging off over one shoulder. Their eyes were roving back and forth as they read something on their phone, and I would guess that the last thing they wanted was some random stranger coming and bothering them on the train.

So of course I waded my way around the other passengers with the excuse of getting closer to the door since my stop was next, stood in front of the stranger, popped out my earbuds, and said, "Excuse me."

Their eyes (which were a pretty shade of turquoise I hadn't been expecting) snapped towards me. Saying that a person I didn't even know had a case of resting bitch face was rude, sure, but the crease in their forehead kind of implied that smiling was not their default. Still, their expression didn't become any stormier after I'd greeted them, so I figured it was safe to press on.

"Is there any chance I could have your number?" I asked with far less shame than you'd expect out of a decent person, which was to say zero. There was a beat, and then I reviewed my words and pressed a hand to my face. "I'm so, so sorry, it's not what it sounds like. It's just, my stop is next, and I'm already running late for class, but I get the feeling that if I don't talk to you now and never see you again, I'll regret it for the rest of my life." Yeah, because that made it sound like I wasn't hitting on them whatsoever. "Oh, fuck me. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable just now. I have this awful habit of saying things without caring about the consequences. I'll just…go over there now; forget I ever said anything."

"Your number," the stranger said, their voice a rich tone in the mid bass range I hadn't quite been prepared for when their lips fluttered open. It was my turn to stare back in shock, it seemed, and even more so as they tapped around on their phone a few times. "You said your stop's next, right? I get what you're saying, so tell me your number." Sure enough, the automated announcement of the next station was running over the speakers, and I stuttered over my own damn phone number as the stranger nodded along like there was nothing odd about the situation. Maybe they always got hit on by people on the train; they were attractive enough for that. Then again, I wouldn't have been surprised if they were just playing along to get this awkward moment over with. "There." The train pulled to a stop, and the stranger nodded to the opening door. "You should get going. Don't want to make you late."

"Yeah, thanks," I said, giving a small bow in apology before all but running over other passerby in a haste to disembark the train that had nothing to do with my tight schedule. If nothing else, my embarrassment fueled the desperation in my legs, and I made it from platform to platform in record time.

"Ren-tan, there you are! I was worried I was going to have to take the train without you!"

The familiar voice was accompanied by a just as familiar pair of arms wrapping around my waist. If I was the undisputed champion of saying the worst possible thing at the worst possible time without giving a damn about the consequences, then Kiyoko-chan was the empress of showing off her physical affection in public without caring who stared. Her short teal hair and pretty face drew enough attention as it was already, but she'd always cling to me the moment she saw me, which I guess was the price I had to pay for having such an affectionate girlfriend.

Yes, yes, I know. First World Dating Problems. How awful for me.

Returning her hug, I urged her towards the queue to get on the next train. "Sorry about that, Kiyoko-chan. I got distracted by manga this morning."

"That's fine. That dedication to your hobbies is part of what I like about you."

"You say the exact same thing about all of my character traits." Kiyoko giggled, following along and adjusting her shoulder bag so it was easier to hold my hand and cuddle up to my side once we boarded. Given that there were enough open spaces for us to get seats together, she had no reason to stick herself to my side like that aside from wanting to, but I'd learned long ago to not bother arguing on these points. Kiyoko and I both did what we wanted, which was what made being with her so easy. Well, at least once we learned what to expect from each other and figured out how to make healthy compromises, but we'd done that work over the past few years of being together.

And because Kiyoko did what she wanted, she smirked and leaned right up next to my ear and asked, "So what's got you so embarrassed this morning, Ren-tan? The manga you read this morning extra spicy or something?"

I pressed my index finger into her forehead and pushed her back, earning myself an adorable little squawk. "No, it was not." I could already feel the heat rushing up to the tips of my ears. I wasn't against a spicy title every now and then, but I tried to read those whenever I wasn't about to head into public, thank you very much. Though, to be honest, being worked up over some nsfw comic might have been a little less mortifying than what I'd just done. "I asked a stranger on the train for their number," I mumbled, hoping my voice would get lost in the din of the train. Judging by the excited look on Kiyoko's face, it had not, and I was forced to try and save face. "No, no, it wasn't like that."

"Uh-huh," Kiyoko said in a tone that said she didn't believe me whatsoever. I mean, I'd gone for their number, not their Line ID or something; I wouldn't believe me, either. I threw my head back to thunk against the window behind me, submitting myself to my fate. "Ren-tan, I get it. You're pan and poly. Sometimes you see a nice piece of ass and you can't help it."

"The train was crowded; I didn't even get to see their ass."

"Okay, but what about the rest of them?"

I groaned, and Kiyoko laughed. That was an unfair question to ask, because it wasn't like I hadn't checked them out. I mean, I was willing to bet they'd chosen that shirt to show off a bit, let's be real. And putting that aside… "It was their face," I said, the embarrassment melting out of my voice in favor of something more subdued. "Something about it was kind of familiar. And I just knew I had to say something to them, or I'd kick myself later." I mean, yeah, I was still kicking myself over being an absolute creep, but when those were the options, there had been no winning in that situation.

Kiyoko's arms snaked around my shoulders, and she nuzzled against me. "Maybe it's reincarnation. You two knew each other in a past life, so you wanted to meet them again." Kiyoko pecked my cheek. "That's why I decided to talk to you in the first place, you know, and look at where we are now." She was right; we were proof that a meeting like that could turn into something good, though I think Kiyoko-chan was the only person in the world who could pull off saying I think we met in a previous life without it sounding like a cringey pickup line. "If you felt that connection, you should def message them. Better to try than regret not doing it later. So, did you get their number?"

"No. They took mine, though. Or at least they pretended to? Bet it was so they could block me and never have to risk hearing from me again."

Kiyoko scoffed. "Don't be silly. Anyone gets the number of someone attractive as you, and there's no way they wouldn't at least think about messaging you."

I huffed in return. "You're biased."

"I may be biased, but I am also correct." Kiyoko leaned across me, reaching for the back pocket of my jeans where she knew I kept my phone. "Come on, lemme see. I bet you that they already messaged you—"

"Knock it off, there's no way—"

"I'm not listening, Ren-tan~," Kiyoko sang as she slipped my phone out of the gap between my butt and the seat, tapping at the screen to light it up. "Ha! I knew it!"

I scrambled to plop Kiyoko back in her seat instead of halfway across my lap (PDA, fine, but I wasn't about to give other people on the train a free view of her skirt flipping up) and snatching my phone back from her—two tasks that were not very compatible. Through much trial and suffering, I succeeded in the former, compromised in the latter by having Kiyoko turn my phone so we both could see, and just ended up staring in shock by the end of it all. Sure enough, right there on the screen was a message notification from a number not saved in my contacts:

This is Shishio, the guy you asked for his number on the train this morning. I have some free time this weekend. Want to go get coffee?

Kiyoko snickered, her thumb swiping the notification to the left to open up the response menu before tapping at the keyboard. "I'm telling him yes for you."

"Hold the fuck up—"

I managed to prevent Kiyoko from texting him back—but he did get a positive response from me. Kiyoko's teasing aside, I did want to meet him for coffee, plus it saved me the embarrassment of having to try and catch another glance of him on the train. We texted here and there to learn the bare-bones basics about each other and set up plans, and then Saturday rolled around and I followed my GPS to the address of some café Shishio had sent me.

Trying not to get lost and show up late, I could have cried in relief whenever I caught sight of Shishio standing outside, waiting for me to show up. I closed my navigation app and dropped my phone into the handbag Kiyoko had shoved on me before I left the apartment. When I waved, he noticed, and I managed to dodge around a few other pedestrians, Shishio's eyes flicking over me as I approached.

"That's a bit of a different style than last time," he said, though it didn't sound like he thought it was a bad thing.

I tried not to fidget with my hair, which I'd left out of its usual braid—and damn Kiyoko for making me subconscious about everything with her incessant teasing! There was no shame in wearing a jumper, even if it showed off a substantial amount of leg, though the half skirt in the back helped things out a bit. "Kiyoko-chan insisted that I wear it."

"Your girlfriend insisted that you dress up like you're going on a date before sending you out to meet a guy you barely know."

"I'm polyamorous," I said on instinct, because lord knows how many times I'd had to defend myself on that front.

Shishio's face shifted to an amused smirk. "Poly, huh? That's cool. Super interesting piece of information to share right now."

I backpedaled, shaking my head hard enough that hair spilled over my shoulders. "No, wait, I don't mean that this is a date. People can wear whatever they want without it having to mean they're interested in someone!"

Shishio chuckled, which was a super unfair sound. "We can call it whatever you're comfortable with so long as I get a chance to talk to you. I felt it, too; that if I didn't get the chance to know you better, I'd regret it." Well, at least it wasn't just me that felt like that. Shishio opened the door. "Come on, let's get that coffee I offered. Get whatever you want; I'll pay."

I stepped inside, giving him a side glance. "I should pay, to make up for starting this whole mess."

"And I get a discount here." I pouted, but didn't protest. "If it makes you feel better, you can buy the coffee or whatever next time. Go ahead."

And so I ordered and let Shishio take the bill—it was, in fact, discounted for whatever reason—and we picked out a table by the window that let in plenty of sunlight and gave us a decent view of the street outside. It was a cute little café, with a general peaceful energy that I could see being a good environment for studying. Maybe I'd stop by it again later, assuming that our conversation didn't end in disaster and I'd have to avoid any place where I thought I might pass this guy's path.

"Well, judging by the fact that I didn't see you again on the train, you made it to class on time the rest of the week," Shishio said, picking up the conversation so I didn't have to grasp at something to talk about. For as much as I'd wanted to talk with him, I was finding that I didn't know what to say. There was just something there that I felt I needed to get out, something I needed to do while around him. "Should I congratulate you?"

"Feh," I said, every bit as in jest as Shishio's words had been. "You're the one that invited me out for coffee. Maybe you should be counting yourself lucky that I was late that day."

"Maybe I should." Fuck, I thought it had been impossible to read him because we'd been communicating over typed messages, but nope, I had no idea if he was serious or if he was just teasing me. "But I already know that if I'd just said okay and given you my number, you would've reached out to me anyways."

"And what makes you so sure about that?"

"Because you—"

"Here's your coffee!"

I hadn't noticed the staff member approaching with a tray, nor had I noticed that I'd leaned on the table to get up in Shishio's face as we debated. I shifted back to sit in my seat like a proper adult, making way for the staff member to put our cups onto the table, complete with cute foam art on the top. I turned to the staff member to thank them, and they had a rather genuine smile for someone who worked in the service industry.

"So you're the person Aniki was talking about meeting up with, huh?"

I gave the staff member another appraising look—short and dyed blonde hair that fell straight, a face shape that made it hard to tell if they were twelve or twenty, and wide golden colored eyes—before glancing over to Shishio. "'Aniki,' huh?"

"We went to the same kendo dojo when we were kids, then we ended up in the same music lessons after that. Even now I can't get rid of him." Shishio's words were rough, but there was a trace of affection in his eyes. I gave him a smile, waiting for an introduction, and he let out a long-suffering sigh. "Ren-san, Yoshiteru. Yoshiteru, Ren-san. Try not to be an absolute disaster."

I smiled. "Nice to meet you, Yoshiteru-kun."

Yoshiteru returned a radiant smile. "Of course! I couldn't wait to meet you. Aniki doesn't have a lot of friends, and he was all excited to meet up with you this week. I had to see the person who—"

"Don't you have fucking work to do or something?" Shishio asked, looking almost murderous. "I could give you some. Why don't you take this order back and make it to go—?"

"So touchy." Yoshiteru huffed, tucking his tray under his arm. "Fine, fine, I'll get out of your hair. Thanks for agreeing to spend time with Aniki, Ren-san!" Shishio growled, and Yoshiteru retreated back behind the counter while I sipped my coffee, watching their exchange. It was a super tasty mocha, which made me hope I could come back here again.

"Music classes, huh?" I asked, giving him a change in conversation to latch onto. "What do you play?"

Shishio's annoyed expression melted back into his default expression, which didn't look happy, but, hey, better than the alternative. "Piano. Violin. I used to do a lot of classical stuff, but now I just play whatever outside of performances." He raised his coffee to his lips, being careful not to spill anything. "You play anything?" I shook my head. "I bet you'd be good at it."

I raised an eyebrow. "What makes you say that?"

"You sound like someone who's willing to put in the time and effort to get better. There's a lot of people out there who won't put in the work, then act like it's not their fault for not trying harder." He pointed, and I followed his gaze to where I was holding onto my coffee. "And there's your hands. You have long fingers. They'd be good for landing different notes."

"You always pay attention to the hands of relative strangers?"

Shishio shrugged. "Occupational hazard."

"Hm, I see…" I gave him a serious look, as if appraising his sincerity, which turned into a competition of who could keep their face straight longest. I won, of course; no one could beat me when it came down to a staring contest, and Shishio snorted in laughter, which I liked the sound of a lot more than I expected. "Do you still play, then?"

"Yeah. I'm…double majoring. Music because I like it, mathematics on the side because it makes sense and I need to have some shot at a stable income if the artsy route fails me." I nodded my appreciation. University was rough enough when you were just aiming for one degree; Shishio must've had some work ethic to try and keep up with two. "What are you studying? You never said."

"Oh, right. I'm in my university's dance program." I laughed a bit. "Maybe I should've done what you're doing and gave myself a shot at getting a job later. I thought about maybe going for teaching to be on the safe side, but I couldn't resist the idea of actually being able to perform. Whenever I watch someone pulling off an amazing routine, creating something with just their body, I can't help but get excited over it, you know?"

Shishio nodded, an easy smile having slipped over his face at some point in the conversation. "I get that. Whenever I listen to an incredible piece of music, I'm floored how we've managed to make something out of all these random sounds in the world." I understood what he meant. I didn't even play music, but there would be times whenever I would be practicing a routine and would end up struck by the sheer incredibleness of it all. "Well, it seems we're both lucky enough to be studying something we care about. What else are you into?"

I shrugged. "Dates with Kiyoko-chan. Some martial arts to help come up with new moves. Watching anime and stuff."

Shishio snickered into his coffee. "Nerd."

"How is it that you're the one studying mathematics on purpose and somehow I'm the nerd?"

"Listen, there's a difference between that and a full-blown otaku—"

Once we'd started, our conversation was easy, and I was hit by that same sensation of how this clicked together, as if we were puzzle pieces from the same image that had at long last connected back into place after a long time separated in the box left on the shelf. Kiyoko was right; I would have regretted if I hadn't gone for it, but it all felt so surreal. What were the chances of something like this happening, again?

Maybe it's reincarnation. You two knew each other in a past life, so you wanted to meet them again.

Is that it? I thought as we deposited our cups into the dish bin and worked on heading back to the station. (Yoshiteru gave us an enthusiastic farewell, which I responded to with a distracted wave and Shishio answered by flipping the bird). Did you and I meet before? Did something happen? Did I want to see you again badly enough that I'd recognize you even as a brand new person, Shishio-san?

I entertained asking if he believed in reincarnation—which was to say I opened my mouth to do just that in the precise moment before I bumped into someone walking the opposite direction.

I cursed, and Shishio's hand caught against my back, tiny bits of his palm pressing against bare skin through the curtain of my hair as he growled, "Hey, watch it." The person I'd bumped into bristled, scowling with an intensity that might have made a middle schooler cower but just made me think of some tropey yankee kid in a school manga.

"Why don't you tell your girlfriend to watch where she's going?"

"Not a girl," I said, surprised to find Shishio's voice overlapping with my own. Sure, he'd been respectful when I talked about it, but not a lot of people were so ready to jump to my defense so early after getting to know me. The punk's face scrunched up, and I tugged on the side of Shishio's shirt to get him to stay back as I stepped forward. "Look, I've had a nice day, and I don't feel like ruining it. Let's just both say sorry and move on with our lives. Because no one's hurt, but if you insist on fucking around here, I can't say that'll say the same."

The punk stared for a moment, eyes darting from me to Shishio before kicking at the ground and stalking off. I waved at the kid's retreating back and stuck out my tongue. Shishio glanced to me. "You good?"

"I'm good. Kids like that ain't shit." I'd seen scarier behavior from kittens. Of course, it was just fucking hilarious that I could handle that without any issue, but I felt too skittish to look Shishio in the eye when I said, "Hey, um, thanks. For, you know…not calling me a girl."

The saving grace was that he looked just as awkward, doing that I'm going to put my hand behind my head because I don't know what else to do thing. "Not gonna call you what you aren't," he said, which made my stomach do an unfair little flip that I just knew Kiyoko was going to torment me about for weeks on end. "So, um… Can I ask why you've been so insistent on this not being a date?"

Now, if there was a list of all the people in the world organized by their ability to say the absolute worst things at the absolute worst times, I would have to say that I would be at least in the top percentile of it. Which meant that I had zero room to criticize Shishio for asking that question then and there…

"You couldn't have asked that earlier?"

…but I was gonna do it anyways.

Shishio didn't so much as glance at me. "…I didn't want Yoshiteru to hear."

"From all the way on the other side of a moderately busy café?"

"You don't understand; his ears are the fucking worst. Little shit has perfect pitch, and he can, like, hear things from an actual half a kilometer away, it's ridiculous!" Realizing that his stoic exterior was shattering, Shishio cleared his throat and reset his expression. "It's just…I'd like an answer. So I can know what you're thinking before I go and screw this up."

If I wanted to be obstinate, I could have asked what he meant by "this," but I understood. That stupid little feeling that had pulled me to talk to him on the train was still there, drawing me to stand at his side. If nothing else, he'd been beyond a good sport for going along with my selfish little whim, so I sighed, a hand resting above my collarbone to calm down. "Because I don't want you to think I'm shallow for just seeing you and being interested in you. Because I don't want to make you uncomfortable by pushing this too far."

"And if I said I wouldn't be uncomfortable with that at all?"

Shishio had stepped closer, right there in the middle of the sidewalk without any care for the glances passerby were giving us. I liked to think I was tall, but Shishio had more than a few centimeters on me, and it was an unfair advantage that I had to tilt my neck back to frown at him, even with the heeled boots Kiyoko had lent to me. "We barely even know each other."

"If I judged you for being too interested too fast, I'd have to judge myself while I'm at it." He was close enough that the slightest twitch could have pressed us into each other, but Shishio managed to maintain that last bit of personal space while at the same time making it feel like there was no space between us at all. "And we learned a lot today, didn't we? People can get to know each other, Ren-san. That's a problem we can fix. But not everyone meets and then…" He licked his lips in the pause of his words. "Not everyone feels like home."

You feel like I'm supposed to be with you, Ren-tan. You can't tell me you don't feel like that, too.

That was the problem. I did feel like that, and it was just as overwhelming as it had been with Kiyoko-chan. It felt like there was a fresh geyser erupting inside my heart, filling it up to far more than I had the capacity to handle, though I knew that wasn't true. I was just as scared of pushing through it as I had been with Kiyoko, of having to wade through that struggle of accepting that there was someone I would always want to be with, while at the same time feeling oh so incomplete without that connection.

"I know," I said, unable to deny it. Home was the exact right word for what I'd felt, even there in the middle of that crowded train that had been making me feel sick not even a few minutes before. "I know this isn't something I can just take for granted. I know this is special. But that still doesn't make this a date!"

"Ren—" Shishio said, the honorific dropped off the end of my name, and I didn't even mind in the slightest.

"But next time could be."

Shishio sucked in a breath before exhaling it out slow. I, too flustered to look at him in the face, stared down at our shoes on the sidewalk. In my peripheral vision, I could see his hand twitch forward from his side, stopping a few centimeters short of mine. "You," he said, his frustration sounding forced, "are the devil."

I snickered, tilting my head up to smile at him. "What does that say about you being interested in me?"

"That I have impeccable taste, just like you do." We both snorted, and the laughter broke away the hesitation. "If I could stay out with you more, I would, but we have things to take care of. Let me walk you to the station and we can talk about that next time?"

"Sure," I said, closing the distance between our fingers. "You can even hold my hand while we do it."

"Ahahaha! I knew it. I knew it!"

"Kiyoko-chan, it's been forty-eight hours since you started this. Please stop."

It was Monday afternoon, and the sad part was that I wasn't even exaggerating. Kiyoko-chan had bombarded me with questions about my coffee not-date the moment I'd gotten home (How was it?, What did you talk about?, Did you get the chance to check out his ass this time?), and then she'd launched into a non-stop stream of gloating once I finished relaying the story. My few refuges of peace were whenever we slept and when we'd been in classes—though the latter still had tons of messages blowing up my phone the whole time, so it was the same thing, but without the volume. Even now, when we were sitting at the university's courtyard for lunch, she just wouldn't stop.

"But I can't help it, Ren-tan! I'm just so happy for you!" Kiyoko dropped her juice box to the side and flopped onto my lap; it was only years of practice that helped me pull my onigiri from the path of demolition. "You found someone else that makes you happy! Ahh, 'Not everyone feels like home'—I wish I could have seen that one in person!"

Kiyoko kicked her legs through the air, and I slapped by hand to her thighs to keep her skirt from flying up with them. I'm pretty sure that anyone looking would have been hard pressed to find the difference between the color of my face and the shade of the pickled plum in my onigiri. "Please stop acting like my life is a shōjo manga. And stop trying to flash everyone!"

"Eh? But it's a free shot to touch my butt, Ren-tan. You don't like it?"

"You're impossible to deal with, I swear—"

"Oh, that was you, Ren-san! I thought I heard your voice."

My and Kiyoko's usual playful bickering cut off as a new challenger appeared—well, it was just the barista from the café I'd visited with Shishio. Changed out of his work uniform into more casual clothes, he had a semi-different vibe that kinda made him look like some trendy influencer, but that smile was the exact same. "Yoshiteru-kun," I said, blinking. "What are you doing here?"

"Eh, Aniki didn't mention it? I go here, too! I'm a first year in the composition program." Yoshiteru pointed to himself, and I blinked again. No, Shishio had not mentioned that at all, but he also tended to change the subject to anything other than Yoshiteru whenever I brought him up. Yoshiteru whined, "God, he's always like that! Fine, I'll spill one of his secrets in return—whenever he comes into the café to do homework, and he gets a message from you, his heartbeat picks up."

"For real?" Kiyoko said, chiming in from my lap. Yoshiteru looked down at her, taking a moment to register her presence as Kiyoko grinned and waved. "Hey, ho! I'm Urokodaki Kiyoko, Ren-tan's girlfriend. Feel free to call me Kiyoko-chan!"

As what tended to happen whenever she talked to new people, Yoshiteru blushed (the natural consequences of having a girlfriend that's so damn pretty), but he dipped into a bow anyways. "Nice to meet you, Kiyoko-chan. I'm Agatsuma Yoshiteru. If you want, you can also call me Yoshiteru-kun."

Oh, yeah, people have family names. Probs should've asked for that one first. Well, he was already calling me 'Ren-san,' so it's not like it would make much of a difference. Just like with Shishio, I didn't mind the more casual referral in the slightest.

"Yay, Yoshiteru-kun~." Kiyoko raised her hand, and Yoshiteru returned the high five. "Hey, hey, you wanna trade LINE info? I wanna hear aaall about the secrets of this guy that's going out with my Ren-tan." Kiyoko sat up a bit, just to drop her back against my chest and reach around to wrap her arms behind my neck. "Ah, it's so hard having such a gorgeous partner. Ren-tan steals the hearts of everyone! What am I gonna do with youuu?"

"Have you considered not embarrassing me in front of my new friends? Just a thought."

Yoshiteru laughed, though there was a nervous undertone to the sound. "So Aniki wasn't joking when he said you had a girlfriend, Ren-san."

Kiyoko nodded, her hair tickling up against her chin. I braced myself for the inevitable fallout, but Kiyoko was much more amicable than me as she headed the question off. "Yup, yup, that's right. Don't worry; so long as Ren-tan likes you, I won't bite." She grinned. "Hm, you wouldn't be asking because you're interested, too, would you, Yoshiteru-kun? I know, I know, Ren-tan's amazing; of course you fell for them!"

I cleared my throat, reminding her just who she was in the middle of sitting on. "Ki-yo -ko-san," I said, the more formal honorific making her sunny disposition flash to one of (half) faked horror.

Meanwhile, Yoshiteru's entire face had exploded into a color that made him look like an apple with a blonde bowl cut. "No, no, no, I wasn't trying to—I-I mean, you're very attractive, Ren-san, I'm not saying you're not! B-but it's bad manners to not try and get to know someone first before you try to ask them out." I tried very hard not to wince at the unintentional shot at the exact thing Shishio and I had done. "Ahh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I swear that's not what I meant, well, it is what I meant, but also—"

"Hey, Yoshiteru! Are you coming? We'll be late for class if we wait too long!"

A little bit farther away was a person whose short hair flashed red in the sunlight, waving. Yoshiteru shouted back, "Be there in a second!" before turning back to us and dipping into a bow. "I'm seriously sorry; I just wanted to come over here and get your LINE information, Ren-san, if you don't mind. Oh, you, too, of course, Kiyoko-chan!" Soon enough, our phones were out, and our information shared; Kiyoko even snapped a quick contact picture before Yoshiteru sprinted off towards his friend. "Thanks, I'll talk to you later!"

"See ya!" Kiyoko called for the both of us, and then she giggled once he was out of (presumed) earshot and looked up to me. "Sooo. He's precious."

"Then you date him."

"But you two would be so adorable together, Ren-tan! Oh, plus you'd be closer to a complete set. Too pretty to be real girlfriend, sexy bad boy boyfriend, cute cinnamon roll boyfriend—"

"Just how many people are you trying to set me up with again?"

"As many people that you love and who also care about making you happy, Ren-tan."

I frowned, bonked Kiyoko's forehead with my chin, picked up my forgotten onigiri, and shoved the rest into my mouth. It was an honest answer on Kiyoko's part, so I couldn't fault her for that. In all reality, I was damn lucky that I had a girlfriend who understood my polyamory and encouraged it. I couldn't even begin to count how many times someone had said they understood, then went off on me for just doing what I'd been upfront about in the first place.

Even so, sometimes I couldn't help but wonder just how much of that positive reassurance it would take to make me feel like I wasn't being selfish.

"Hey there, Yoshiteru-kun. You studying before your shift?"

It was early on a Saturday morning, and I'd made my way to the café far in advance of my usual weekly meetup with Shishio-san. My plan was to use the time in between to knock out some homework I needed done so I could get in some extra dance practice during the week, and Yoshiteru-kun seemed to have the same idea judging by the expanse of textbooks, notebooks, and pens he had surrounding his laptop.

"Oh, Ren-san! Here, sit down." He started to pull his things closer to his side of the table, and I went ahead and accepted the invitation. After exchanging contact info, we'd messaged a lot (Yoshiteru was already competing with Kiyoko for the title of who could spam my phone with notifications the most, it seemed), so we'd fallen into a relaxed friendship. "You here to meet Aniki today?"

I nodded, letting my bag slip into the extra chair beside me, starting to unpack my things. "I'm sure you noticed since you're on shift most of the time, but it's kind of become a regular thing." Over the past few months, Shishio and I would meet up in the limited window of our busy weeks that we both had free, more often than not starting at the café and then wandering off somewhere else later. It was a nice part of my routine that I'd become comfortable with.

Yoshiteru chuckled. "Oh, don't worry, I noticed. Allow me to let you in on today's Aniki Secret: he likes it a lot when you wear your hair down." I blushed a bit, and Yoshiteru's chair scraped against the floor as he stood. "Were you gonna get your usual? I can get it for you for free."

I raised an eyebrow. "So I get free drinks, but Shishio-san just gets discount ones?"

"That's because Aniki insists on being a jerk. He's also not as attractive as you are." My blush intensified, and Yoshiteru flashed a pleased smile before darting off towards the counter. I untwisted my braid and then distracted myself by thinking about the chemistry assignment I was going to need to blow my way through sooner or later. I understood the importance of a broad curriculum, I swear I did, but it still made me want to cry sometimes.

Yoshiteru chatted at the counter a few minutes, and I popped in one headphone for music as I got to work. When Yoshiteru returned, he got back to his own assignments, and our coffee arrived later. After a lengthy and brain-wrenching struggle, I managed to complete the worksheet I'd been assigned, though I'd have Kiyoko-chan check it later just to be sure. She was studying environmental science, so it wasn't like chemistry was her specialty, but she was sure better at it than me. Letting my pencil clatter out of my hand, I dropped my forehead to the table seconds after with a groan.

"That bad?" Yoshiteru asked, and I answered with a second, longer groan. He patted my head a few times, and I adjusted so my cheek pressed against the tabletop but didn't make any move to sit back up. "I'm sure you did fine, Ren-san. You're always willing to put in the time and effort to get better, anyways."

Hm, Shishio-san said something like that, too, didn't he? "I guess so," I said, blowing a stray piece of my bangs from my eyes. Wanting to talk about anything other than the hellish homework I'd just freed myself from, I glanced over Yoshiteru's pile, where there were plenty of crossed out lines on his notebook. "Any better luck on your end?"

Yoshiteru gave a hearty groan of his own. "No, not really. I've been trying to get my head around foreign lit, but I can't do it. We're not studying it in English, but it's still rough."

"I mean, for what it's worth, I'm pretty decent at English. Lemme see." Yoshiteru passed me his book, and I, unwilling to ready my position, propped my chin up by resting atop my folded arms to take a better look. As luck would have it, I recognized the piece from my own foreign lit class, so I could be helpful. "Here, let's talk through this…"

Whenever he was asked the right questions, Yoshiteru could figure things out pretty quickly. He was also earnest about listening when I was talking, so he absorbed the info like a sponge. "So, then…Oh, wait, I got it!" Breaking out into a smile, he hunched over his notebook to write down whatever had popped into his head, and I skimmed over my own notes in review for a quiz I had coming up. "Heheh, thanks for your help, Ren-san. It's kinda like you're my senpa—ah."

The word senpai caught in his throat, but I still swallowed at the sound of it. It wasn't like I hadn't ever had a kōhai before—I'd been born and raised in Japan for crying out loud; of course I'd had a goddamn kōhai before!—but something about that word from Yoshiteru's mouth made me pause. Judging by the look on his face, he felt the same, but it was hard to say what it was that we were pausing about.

Yoshiteru looked at me, down to his hands, then back up to me again. "Ren-san…do you believe in reincarnation?" he asked, and all I could do was suck in my breath. "Because I do. I think there are people that we meet who are so important that we recognize them, even after we die and come back. And when we see those people again, we can at least feel it, even if we don't remember it. You know?"

You feel like I'm supposed to be with you, Ren-tan. You can't tell me you don't feel like that, too.

Not everyone feels like home.

"Yeah," I said, unsticking my tongue from the roof of my mouth, "I know."

There was a pregnant pause, Yoshiteru's golden honey eyes locking onto mine. He broke off his gaze first, but I was more than glad for the reprieve. I shuffled together my papers, and he doodled flowers onto the corner of his notebook.

"So, yeah, that's all I wanted to say." Yoshiteru glanced at the clock, his face red from embarrassment as he started to pack up his things. "I gotta go get changed for my shift. Thanks for helping me out, Ren-san, I appreciate it—"

"Senpai."

Yoshiteru jumped. "Eh?"

"If you want," I tried again, with complete sentences and everything, "you can call me 'Senpai.'" I smiled. "We may be in different programs, but we both go to the same university. It wouldn't be that weird, would it?"

I swear to the gods, Yoshiteru had a grin so bright that could keep the whole of Tokyo lit up in the dead of night. "Yeah!" He threw his bag over his shoulder and hopped to his feet. "I'll message you later, Senpai; have fun with Aniki!"

I waved after him, then took the opportunity to stretch my legs and catch up with the notifications on my phone before getting serious about the next batch of review I needed to do. I'd gotten so in the zone, humming along to the music on my headphones, that I didn't even notice Shishio had sat down across from me until he tapped me on the forehead.

"Working hard?"

"One of us has to." Shishio scowled, and I stuck out my tongue before grinning. "Anything fun happen with you this morning I should know about?"

Shishio shrugged out of his jacket. "Nothing too interesting." His eyes flicked over me, like he always did whenever we first saw each other. "What about you? Not to say you're a downer or anything, but you look way more chipper than usual."

My elbows resting on the table, I tucked my chin on top of my hands. "Nothing much. I just noticed that Yoshiteru-kun's kind of cute." Shishio buried his face in his hands and groaned out something that sounded pretty close to please no. I grinned, enjoying his reaction. "Don't be rude. He adores you, and you know it."

"Despite all my best efforts." Shishio huffed, running his hand down his face. "Fine, it's fine. I want you to be happy. But we are not talking about this for the rest of the day, do you hear me?"

I giggled, standing up to go get our usual drinks. "Yes, darling."

It started out as a simple suggestion, nothing more than an innocuous LINE message from Yoshiteru: Aniki and I are going to go visit our old kendo instructor.

To which I had replied, Sounds great, and then Yoshiteru had said, You should come along, too, and Kiyoko had seen the message while lounging on my lap, and then she'd gotten all excited about the idea, and the next thing I knew this had elevated from a thing to a Thing, and even Shishio hadn't thrown me a line whenever I asked for help, And, well, here we are, I guess!

We'd had to take the train to—somewhere. As per usual when faced with unfamiliar and intimidating directions, I let the less navigation-challenged people in the party take care of that bit. All I'd had to do was follow along, cling to Yoshiteru or Kiyoko whenever we changed trains, and put up with Shishio's teasing the whole way there. The end destination ended up being the exact kind of house in the suburbs you imagined whenever you thought about visiting someone's grandparent, with simple exterior and flowers lining the porch in lilac, blue, and yellow.

"Are you sure this is a good idea? You know I'm awful at behaving myself. What if I say the wrong thing and he hates me? Maybe you guys should just go on without me."

"It's okay, Senpai!" Yoshiteru patted my back. "Jī-chan will like you just fine. You have nothing to worry about."

"Besides, where else would you even go? You'd get lost before you could ever make it home." I scowled at Shishio, and he grabbed my hand and pulled me along towards the door. "Stop pretending like you're a coward. Now come on."

Kiyoko giggled, taking up the rear. "Don't be so rough, Shishio-kun. Ren-tan's just nervous because you guys' Sensei is so important to you, and they want him to like them. You know—like trying to impress your datemate's parents."

Shishio at least slowed down enough so I didn't trip while going up the steps, but he pressed the doorbell as soon as he was in range, giving me no time to brace myself. "Then Ren just needs to be themself and stop fussing." With the others flanking me, attempting to run would have been pointless, so I settled for jabbing Shishio in the ribs with my elbow before putting on my most polite smile. He went to protest, but the door opened first, making Shishio switch gears. "We're here, Sensei."

I dipped into a bow. "Thank you for inviting us into your home," I said, straightening up, intending to finish the sentence with the name Yoshiteru had told me in advance, but instead what popped out was, "Sensei."

And that old man, despite never having met me before in my life, let alone having ever taught me anything, nodded as a deep hum rumbled in the back of his throat. "It's a pleasure, Child. Why don't you all come inside, and we'll introduce ourselves there."

We all made it inside the doorway, Kiyoko struggling a bit to slip out of her shoes while those of us who were meeting for the first time exchanged the expected pleasantries. Yoshiteru volunteered to make tea, and Kiyoko scurried after him on the premise of hunting down some snacks. Shishio pretended that he wasn't, but I caught him glancing at the grand piano in the corner of the living room more than once, so I nudged him towards it. He thumbed through a folder of sheet music before setting out a score and starting to work his way through some warmup scales, Yoshiteru now and then calling out a note that needed tuning from the kitchen.

Which left me and Sensei to cross through the back door and sit on the edge of the back porch. While I'd been near panicking all the way there, those feelings had vanished, replaced by a sensation of comfort, which I wasn't about to complain about. "I am glad to meet you, Sensei," I said. "I've heard a lot about you from Yoshiteru-kun and Shishio-san." I paused, glancing inside, where the first few slow measures of a song were starting to take form. "Well, most of it's from Yoshiteru-kun. But Shishio-san still cares, even if he won't outright say it. I'm sure you know how he is."

Sensei's laugh sounded almost wizened, but it was hearty, nonetheless. "A stubborn one that boy. I'm sure he would have kept going with kendo on top of his music if he didn't have to worry about getting injured." Yeah, I could see that. It couldn't have been easy for him to prioritize one of his passions for another. "Of course, Yoshiteru can be a stubborn one, too, in his own way."

"That's true enough." Insisting that I come along on this little excursion and not taking no for an answer was one example, though I would also credit Kiyoko with being a bad influence on that front. Of course, I was about to show why I was my own brand of bad influence by not knowing when to keep my mouth shut. "I don't know if they've said anything, but Shishio-san and Yoshiteru-kun are very important people to me."

"I'm well aware. You're very important to both of them, as well." Heat rushed to my face at the acknowledgement, but there was a happy little bubble in my heart that I couldn't ignore. Sensei tapped his cane against the grass. "Take care of those boys, will you, Ren?"

"Of course, Sensei. Leave it to me." Doing otherwise wasn't even an option. At last, Shishio started playing the piece he'd set out, though he cut off a few measures in. I could make out the sound of voices, but not any words, and then the music started over, this time with more notes than one person could hit on their own, and I snickered at the image of Shishio and Yoshiteru competing for more space on the piano bench before settling down and starting to play. Trusting Kiyoko to snap a picture (or ten) for me, I stood up, stretching a bit before pulling off my socks. "Sorry, I'm a dancer, so sometimes I just want to move. Do you mind?"

Sensei gestured out to the yard. "Go right on ahead, Child."

I hopped down into the grass, taking a moment for the thread of music to find me, and then I was moving along with it, flowing in time to the melody that Shishio and Yoshiteru were playing together, while Sensei accepted tea from Kiyoko on the sidelines and she pulled out her phone to record my impromptu performance, one born from all the joy and hope that my loved ones made blossom in my heart.

And that day, all the weird little pieces of coincidence that existed in the music of our world came together to create something much larger than any of us could ever make on our own.

-End-

[Author's Notes]

Two years and we've come a long way.

I also have like...a ton to say, bc getting through this fic has been a wild ride, but let's start with the customary thanks to ForgeandGred4Ever, Kenyakellum, WarWithoutEnd, samuraix04-xz, and AngryBAkedbageL for the review, follows, and faves, and tons more thanks for everyone that ever took the time to read this, drop off their feedback, and just all around be amazing. As an enby, seeing people enjoy this work about my nonbinary protagonist has really made my heart warm, so I'm glad I got into this series and started working on this idea two years ago.

This was always going to end in reincarnation fluff, let's be real. Reincarnated lovers is my top-tier romance trope, and you can't stop me, so of course Kimetsu having canon reincarnation gave a whole ass playground to work with. This time, everyone's together, everyone gets to live a long life together, and it's an incredible polycule. This is the kind of shit I live for.

But, yeah, I had a blast writing this fic, especially since it came together pretty well! Believe it or not, I wrote the whole thing over a span of four months, and I've been steadily tweaking things as we post. Of course, things wouldn't have been as clean without extensive help of my wonderful beta reader, PunkTrashNoiz, who has looked over every single chapter for me. Sorry that there's not going to be much of a break while moving forward, whoops.

Speaking of moving forward, I have a bunch of other fics! There are piles of one shots, some completed works for other fandoms, and a handful of multichap stories that I've been distracted from for a bit, but I am slowly working on them. If you like what I've done here, it'd be cool if you checked something else out and shared your thoughts. For more enby isekai shenanigans, I have Hedonistic Sorcerer Alliance for the Scum King (Last Round Arthurs); for seeing me flail about trying to finish my first fic ever, we have romcom/slice of life -man high school AU Exception; and upcoming in December for [Shibuya Operation - Story Storm] will be the first part of my massive Moriarty the Patriot fic with a trans male lead, all the gay, and revenge murder, you could have my heart (and i would break it for you).

Of course, I'm not fully done with kny yet, though I am taking a break to organize my creative energies. I have some one shots I wrote for this in the drafting process, so I'll be dropping a collection with those close to the end of the year containing alternate scenarios, bonus scenes, and maybe the pile of nsfw content I accidentally wrote for this if anyone's interested (whoops). That collection will be titled wandering road, wherever you are, and should debut on Christmas, so please look forward to that! Any further news about fics connected to this one will be mentioned in that collection, because I have a couple of falling action/sequel-like things I'd like to write at some point, so keep that in mind.

But seriously, thanks a bunch for enjoying and caring about this story. You've made it this far, so take one last bit of bonus content for the road:

It's time for a Taishō Era Secret! Epilogue title is taken from lyrics to RADWIMP's "Zen Zen Zen Se," which is part of the soundtrack for Kimi no Na wa./Your Name.

We're also working off of reincarnation logic here, because I say so.

Ren's name is a reference to Tao Ren from Shaman King who (spoilers) develops lightning based powers. I haven't decided on if I'm committing to this, but Rairi's probably a Hanai, and they also got reincarnated with Jaden in the modern era, and they're siblings again.

Kiyoko's name is completing the reference to Shimizu Kiyoko from Haikyū! She's distantly related to Sakonji, and he's something like her great-great uncle or whatnot.

Shishio takes the lion character from Kaigaku's name and adds king to complete the kanji. He also gets Gakuen Kaigaku's family name of Inadama.

The concept of Shishio and Yoshiteru playing piano/violin is inspired by motorproteins' amazing modern Thunder Family fic Zero Sum, which is fucking incredible please go read it and shower it in love.

Teruko still exists, but she was born into Nezuko and Genya's line of descendants instead. Yoshiteru still has his other two younger siblings, though. Yoshiteru also started dying his hair after he graduated high school and could do so, in honor of his great-grandfather, who he came to admire from The Legend of Zenitsu.

And so, everyone's stories continue.

Thank you very much for reading.

-Aviantei

[COMPLETE: 11.19.2022]