Fucking with Snape

Chapter Nine

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

That sick son of a bitch! I am going to fucking kill him! Doesn't make love potions indeed. The bastard!

What in all of the name God am I going to do about Argus I'll Love You Forever Filch?

How could Severus Snape, who I might add had an erection for me, do this?

The bastard!

Of all the sneaky and low down things to do!

Oh, yes the entire school is laughing at me this week, which is almost over thank the Gods. Hopefully the love potion will have worn off by Sunday because I don't know how much more of Filch trotting along behind me I can handle. Oh and Professor Dumbledore finds this most amusing as well. I have never seen him laugh harder.

I can take the laughter from all of them. Harry, Ron, Jenny and the like, but the very thing that is doing me in is the laughter from HIM. The fucking bastard!

I think that I have figured out when he slipped the potion into my goblet, and I reluctantly admit that I was rather distracted. I mean it's not everyday that a girl like me bumps into an erection, and a rather large one at that, on her professor.

I was a bit taken aback by that development; I mean I knew that I looked great in my gown and all. I must, reluctantly admit to you my dear friends that I have experienced a growing attraction toward Professor Snape for a few weeks now. No. I have no idea why or how but it's there and who am I to question my hormones?

You must admit that he is very sexy in that dark way of his. So cruel, so brooding, always dressed in black and looking tragic. Oh dear Lord he makes me so horny when he looks at me from underneath those dark hooded eyes! I have actually dreamt of him on several occasions. Dreams that nice girls like me should never have, dreams that make me do things that the nun's at my old school said would make me go blind. Well my eyesight is just fine thank you very much and I have to see what that man looks like underneath all of that dark material!

Go ahead. Hate me. I don't care. I know I'm sick in the head. I don't care. I am actually happy that I gave him an erection at the ball. I admit to being very flattered that I caused that sort of reaction in that man of all men. Not to mention the fact that he actually told a joke. Not to mention the fact that he is a terribly good dancer and that his hands felt so right on me.

Then he had to go and fuck it all up.

Bastard!

Yes, I am ranting. Let me fill you in on the events of this week and you will be ranting right along with me. Or laughing. Whatever. Your reaction to this mess is merely a drop in the bucket of my miserable week.

Which started out with Argus Filch giving me goo goo eyes and asking me for the last dance.

I bloody well nearly threw up all over the Headmasters robes. He was, however, saved at the last minute by the look of shall we say amusement that flashed in the eyes of one Severus I Have a Hard on for Hermione Snape.

Instead of seducing my Professor, as I had started planning to do as soon as I felt the said hard on, I found myself fending off the disgustingly leering Filch with a polite but pointed "NO".

He actually looked disappointed. Then he threw himself onto his knees and declared his undying love for me.

As loud as he could.

The Great Hall is an incredible echo chamber, were you aware?

I nearly fainted, but was again saved from humiliation in the nick of time by Draco Malfoy's amused laughter.

Visions of Lockhart danced through my head. Where was the conceited little mad man when you need him? Better Gilderoy Lockhart declaring his passion for me than the maintenance man and bane of students' existence, Argus Filch.

What a total fuck up. I chanced a look at Severus' face to see if he had any sort of reaction to Filchs' words. The smarmy bastard was smiling. Really. He was actually smiling. In amusement and with pleasure.

But it was the Headmasters laughter that was my undoing. Where was my ally? My partner in crime? He was laughing at me along with the rest of the students in the hall.

I felt so betrayed. I did what any warrior in my place would do.

I beat a careful and dignified retreat. This was of course ruined by Filch nipping at my heels.

The sick son of a flea ridden bitch actually followed me all the way back to the tower and would only back off when I sweetly told him that I had to go to sleep now and to please go away.

He, oh God, smiled at me and said he would meet me here the next morning to make sure I got to breakfast safely.

Like Voldemort was still alive or something.

So, at the aspect of having to deal with Filch before breakfast, or any other time of day for that matter, I decided that it would perhaps be advantageous to me and my dignity if I were to make it a point of rising before he did.

I should have slept in.

He must have spent the night outside of the common room door, because he was there waiting for me at the ungodly hour of four am. I know this because Jenny Weasley took great pleasure at informing me of his presence as she climbed into her bed at said hour.

I didn't ask where she had been. I just knew that Neville would spend all of Saturday smiling.

I had to get up and dressed eventually. I knew that word of my latest paramour would have made its way around the whole school by now. Rita Skeeter has nothing on Draco Malfoy and Ronald Weasley. I knew that my newly declared love would be waiting for me to make my appearance.

So I decided to be rather Slytherin about the whole thing and use the situation to my advantage. Heaven forbid that I allow Severus Snape to see me upset over all of this.

It was rather worse than I thought it would be. I mean really, did the man have to be so Uriah Heepish about all of this? He wanted to carry my books for me.

I pointed out to him that it was Saturday and therefore we had no classes. At which point he gushed that he knew that his adored one loved to study and that he would be so very grateful if I were to allow him to carry my books to the library.

How could I turn down such a sweetly made offer? I just nodded at him, smiled (big mistake) and returned to my room where I fetched my book sack.

Yes, he was still there waiting for me, so I handed him the book case and sent him on his way.

Now perhaps I could enjoy my breakfast in relative peace and quiet.

Ha!

If I ever come up with an idea like S.P.E.W. again, please hex me. This morning would have been ideal for taking advantage of the conveniences of house elves, but they don't really like me and Dobby is impossible to find at this time of year. It is at moments like those of this past Saturday that I regret the whole S.P.E.W. thing utterly and completely.

Going to the Great Hall was a huge mistake. I mean biblically huge. It became clear to me when I walked into the room that Severus Snape had bested me. He had won.

He had won, because when I walked into the Great Hall, the entire student body and every single staff member, with the exception of Snape was there waiting for my appearance. They were all laughing at me, not with me, because I couldn't bring myself to laugh at this horrible event.

Then he appeared. Striding confidently through the main doors, which he rarely does. The son of a bitch was taking his bows and he was getting a standing ovation from every single soul in the place.

I wanted to run. I wanted to hide. I wanted to throw him off of Astronomy Tower. I wanted to throw my arms around his neck and kiss him in front of everyone.

I did none of the above. Instead, in a gesture that would have made Godrick Griffindor proud, I defiantly took my seat at the table and proceeded to eat my breakfast.

I didn't miss the look of disappointment that crossed Severus' face, but I refused to give him the satisfaction of him seeing me in any way weakened by this turn of events. Nor would I let him see that I desired him as much as he did me. That look helped me get through the whole sordid meal.

All I can say is that as much as I love Ron Weasley and Harry Potter they are very both lucky that I didn't hex their balls off. They were the worst of the lot. Malfoy's bullshit I expect and can deal with but my friends really know where to aim those barbs that they so lovingly call jokes.

The meal was ruined or made even better-depending on your point of view- by the appearance of the doting Argus Filch by my side, once more. I chanced a glance up at the high table only to see Professor McGonagall slapping a choking Albus Dumbledore on the back and a very amused Severus Snape. And an amused Madam Hooch, Poppy Pomprey, Professor Sprout and yes, even that flaky Trelawney bitch had come down from her stinky tower to join in on the fun.

Life was very good for all but me at Hogwarts that morning. I vowed vengeance.

Starting with Potions class and the light smattering of applause that some brave Slytherins gave to their head of house. Followed by the kissy sounds made by the same brave Slytherins as I walked into the class, with my paramour hot on my heels.

The only bright spot was that Severus kicked Filch out of the classroom for the duration of his class. The bright spot was dulled somewhat by Filchs' promise to await me in the hall.

I nearly failed the class for the day. All of my classes for that matter, as each and every one of my professors kindly bade Filch to await me in the hall. Thanks guys!

It didn't take me long to notice that Mrs. Norris was missing from her usual place at Filchs' side. I was dying to enquire about her absence but I dared not speak to the man any more than was necassairy.

Well, the rest of the week progressed in much the same manner.

Until this morning.

Professor Snape was in his usual bad mood, the thrill of his victory having lasted for only one day, when he strode into the classroom.

"Miss Granger!" he barked. "See me in my office after class. The rest of you get to work on this potion! And no more clapping Draco."