Super Mario Hacker Bros.
Chpt. 2 Waluigiware Mario: Your bisexual!Luigi: ( crying ) I'm sorry Mario! I'm so sorry!
Mario: How the hell did this happen Luigi! How!
Luigi: I… I don't remember… I think… ( Gulps ) I think it was, a long time ago… remember when… you saved Peach from Donkey Kong…
Mario: Please Luigi! Don't say you fucked Peach!
Luigi: Worse…
Mario: WHAT!
Luigi: Well, when you saved Peach, that's when I came, you know how Donkey Kong somehow disappeared and got away when you beat him?
Mario: YES!
Luigi: I… ( sweating and shaking ) I fucked DK…
Mario: What!
Luigi: I fucked him hard…
Mario: I'm gonna fuckin kill… I'm gonna ( Throws up ) Bleeeeeaaaahhh!
Luigi: and after that…
Mario: Shut the fuck up Luigi!
Luigi: I…
Mario: Don't say another word!
Luigi: I did Peach… and she liked it…
Mario: ………………
Meanwhile in the Dark World…Bowser: Whoa did you hear that!
Waluigi: yeah Luigi's Bi who the hell cares…
Wario: I knew it the whole time… There was this one time. Heh Heh. When Mario was collecting the six golden coins to get to MY castle, Luigi just came over and started doing me in the ass!
Waluigi: Your kidding right?
Wario: no, he just rammed it up there when I wasn't looking! I mean… yeah…
Bowser: He's had a rough time without you here…
Waluigi: I can tell…
Wario: ……… Waaa Ha Haaaaaaa!
Waluigi: What was that for!
Bowser: Alright Waluigi! I think it's time to send the Waluigiware Virus… In a matter of… Hours! We will have the Mushroom Kingdom under our control!
Virus Sent: Opening Waluigiware Meanwhile…Yoshi: for the last time Peach! I don't care if you're dead sexy! You're not riding on my back!
Peach: Come on Yoshi! You don't want to make a beautiful Princess such as I walk across the Kingdom do you? ( Looks into Yoshi's eyes )
Yoshi: No, of coarse not… I will let you ride me…
Peach: Thank you…
Peach gets on top of Yoshi's back and starts riding him, suddenly Yoshi snaps out of his hypnotism.
Yoshi: Hey! I thought you said I didn't want you riding me!
Peach: But Yoshi, you did agree to carry me…
Yoshi: No I… well… your not that heavy… Not as heavy as that fat ass Mario, Luigi's not that bad but he gets a boner every time he rides me, he's fuckin horny twenty-four seven!
Peach: Yeah… he is good in bed though… I mean, uhh
Yoshi: Would you give it up Peach? I know you and Mario had a wonderful time! Let's just leave it at that! Well, after seeing what Luigi did hearing about you two isn't that bad… AND NO I'M NOT PISSED OFF CAUSE I'M ASEXUAL!
Peach: uhh yeah, sorry for bringing up, me and… Mario…
Yoshi: So where too?
Peach: Well, you do have a good point about Wario being the one who did this…
Yoshi: Come on now… would Bowser even look at porn of Wario long enough to put it on our computers, besides, Bowsers a paying member of Mariosoft didn't you know…
Peach: Yeah… he showed me last time I visited… I mean… last time he captured me… So let's head for Wario's castle…
Meanwhile at Tayce T's Bakery…Tayce T: Before we go on our adventure, let me cook up some of my special recipes, what items would you like to mix?
Toad: That's the tenth fuckin time you've asked me that… I don't have anything to mix in your damn recipes! I already used the last mushrooms I had, and all I got were fuckin MISTAKES!
Toadsworth: Really Toad I don't understand why we have to leave… ( Lures over to Tayce T. )
Toad: We are the TTT! We have to save Mariosoft! That's why I got you two!
Tayce T: What items would you like to mix…
Toad: I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE! LET'S GO TO WARIO'S CASTLE!
Tayce T: Would you like me to cook just that?
Toad: This is bullshit… I didn't even give her anything…
End of Part 1Super Mario Hacker Bros.
Part IILuigi was backed into the corner of the room, Mario had him cornered and had one of the computer monitors over his head.
Mario: I told you not to say anything! But you had to make me mad! You just had to keep talking didn't you Luigi!
Luigi: Mario! I'm sorry! It wasn't my fault!
Mario: WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT!
Luigi: Just put the monitor down Mario! PLEASE!
All of a sudden the monitor over Mario's head came out of standby and started up.
Mario: Huh?
Monitor: Waaa Ha Haaaa! Waaa Ha Haaaa! Prepare for total… DELETION!
Luigi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Mario: ( Sets the monitor on the floor and runs to the one across from him ) What the hell is this!
Luigi: It's the Second Attack!
Bomberman: ( Opens staff room door ) Guys, come on now don't be makin fun of me and Polmy's game alright?
Polmy: Fuckin gay ass motha fucka! Ass raper! Monkey Fucker! Non-bitch slapper! God damn I hate gay bitches like you! Why don't you just go down to the nearest gay club and ass fuck the first guy you fuckin see! Dammit!
Bomberman: Calm down Polmy… come on, let's go get you some vegetables…
Polmy: Hellz Yah! Then I could evolve to my Cat form!
Luigi: ( Crying ) How the hell did they find out!
Monitor: Now… Deleting…
Mario: Fuck!
Meanwhile in the Darkworld…Bowser: Bwaaa Ha Haaaaa!
Wario + Waluigi: Waaa Ha Haaaaa!
Bowser: There's nothing they can do now… within the next hour the Mushroom Kingdom will be no more…
Back at Tayce T's Kitchen… Ding!Toad: About fuckin time! Now that your cake is done can we go to Wario's castle?
Tayce T: We could… but I definitely need to sell these cakes first…
Toad: WHAT!
Toadsworth: ( walks over to toad ) Honestly Toad I don't know why you are in such a rush…
Toad!!! I don't know why I wasted my time with you guys! I could've done better on my own!
Toadsworth: ( Whispering to Toad ) Toad, it's not like I'm not on your side. It's just that an old man would like to get a little pussy before he goes on his journey… don't you agree Toad?
Toad: dammit Toadsworth! She's over sixty!
Toadsworth: As am I… Here Toad… use my laptop, I'm running off the provider you gave me… Mushroom Kingdom Online MKO… If you really need to do this by force than go ahead, but I suggest a different approach.
Toad: It's a good thing I set that thing up for you… Yeah! I guess the TTT isn't a full loss after all!
Somewhere in the Mushroom Kingdom…The age of computers is over, and the dawn of evil has begun… Not one Toad in the Mushroom Kingdom had faith in the Internet anymore. Thousands of Toads began to riot. Running around the city doing as they please… Fires were set and Toads were killed. Many were even being trampled from all the other Toads running around. It was the single worst day in the history of the Mushroom World, a day that no one would soon forget…
Peach: This is it… the end of the Kingdom as we know it…
Yoshi: Not while I'm around! Come on! We need to talk to the Chancellor…
Back at mariosoft…
Mario: What the hell…
Luigi: It's a virus that forces you to play mindless minigames!
Mario: And if you fail it erases one file from our main system.
Luigi: Nothing could be worse than that! What kind of sick person does that!
Mario: Damn these minigames are fast!
Luigi: Pinch the fat? Hmmm…
Mario: There is no fat! His tiny twig body is just bones! I think I can see his heart beating!
Luigi: Move it Mario, I know that body…
Luigi pinched the tiny bulge of fat on Waluigi's body
Data saved… now for round two…
Mario: Luigi, you have gone to way too many porno sites!
Luigi: and it's all gonna pay off…
Mario: Luigi… I'm sorry about getting all upset over your being gay, I am your brother and I should respect you no matter what your sexuality.
Luigi: Thanks buddy! Give me a hug! ( tries to touch Mario's ass )
Mario: What the fuck! Get the hell off fag!
Luigi: What? You said you'd respect me from now on!
Mario: I never said I'd respect you for being perverted!
Round two failed… now for round three…
Mario: AAAAAAHHH! Mariosoft, it'll be destroyed! Hurry Luigi! Play those minigames!
Super Mario Hacker Bros.
Part IIIPeach: we've got to stop this! If we let this go on much longer we won't have anybody left!
Yoshi: Do you know how stupid their acting right now… it's just a computer virus… and it's only been a few hours.
Peach: Let's see if the Chancellor can help us calm them down.
Peach and Yoshi walked into the Chancellor's castle and went into the throne room. When they got in they saw the Chancellor looking through a window over a group of rioting toads.
Peach: Chancellor?
Chancellor: Yes, Peach?
Peach: What are we going to do… about them…
Chancellor: Nothing…
The Chancellor didn't even look at Peach, he kept his eyes directly outside, almost as if he was enjoying watching it all end…
Yoshi: What? You can't just give up on them! They need help!
Chancellor: They can help themselves for once… for years they've relied on… Mario. Instead of the one who created this kingdom! They practically believe he is a god! And now… now that they've finally seen him fail at something… they've lost hope.
Peach: Chancellor what are you talking about!
Chancellor: This… is the end… My kingdom has fallen, and who's to blame? You're as much the reason as those Mario Brothers! You too Yoshi! Even Toad… the one I thought would never go wrong. I knew this would happen… Toads rely on these things more than me!
The Chancellor walked towards a laptop with the Mariosoft homepage on itChancellor: These things rule my kingdom now… If this is how they want it to end, Fine!
The Chancellor picked up the laptop and threw it through the glass window chattering it, many pieces of glass fell on the toads below, the laptop fell on one of the toad's heads, crushing him, the toads around kept rioting, and eventually trampled him until he died…
Chancellor: …but… I won't be around to see the true end… I've seen more than enough as it is…
Peach: Don't do it Chancellor!
The Chancellor took one step closer to the shattered window and threw himself to the riot below.
Peach: No!
The Chancellor fell to the ground, knocking two other toads to the ground, the Chancellor was dead on impact. Surprisingly, not even this stopped the riot. Blood spewed all over the ground. The king of the Mushroom Kingdom, was dead…
Yoshi: I can't believe it…
Peach: It's over… There is no more Mushroom Kingdom now…
Yoshi: Could I wear his crown…
Peach: Take that off!
Meanwhile in the Darkworld…
Bowser: Bwaa Ha Haaaa! I'm so glad I set up cameras before this!
Waluigi: Why did you set these things up in the first place.
Bowser: So I could spy on Peach in her room why else…
Wario: It's not spying when she knows they're there! Waa Ha Haaaaa!
Bowser: Would you stop laughing all the time!
Wario: No! Waa Ha Haaaa! I'm getting paid every time I do this!
Waluigi: How much?
Bowser: Are you getting paid for the gay comments too?
Wario: Wa Ha Haaaa!
Bowser: Did you record any of this cause I might want to put this riot on the Koopa-net once it's all over…
Back at the castle…
Yoshi: If seeing the king die right in front of them didn't stop this riot then what will? We've lost Peach! I hate to say it but… this is the end… Maybe technology wasn't the right way to take the Kingdom.
Peach: There has to be a way. What's the one thing that all toads fear most? Something that will stop them all in there tracks and be forced to listen?
Yoshi: Apparently Wario's ass was it! Cause it doesn't look like anything's gonna stop them now!
Peach: Bowser!
Yoshi: WHERE!
Peach: No! Bowser! That's what all toads fear…
Yoshi: Like he'll help… seeing our Kingdom in ruins is what he's always wanted…
Peach: We don't need him! All you have to do, is wear that crown, a shell from the cellar, and uh… ya know…
Yoshi: I'll wear the crown but there's no way in hell I'm dressing up like Bowser!
End of Part 3
Super Mario Hacker Bros.
Part IVToad: I can't find out where the Virus is coming from.
Toadsworth: Hey Tayce T. wanna go check on those cakes?
Tayce T: But I just put them in…
Toadsworth: Then why don't we check out each other while the cakes cook?
Tayce T: What items would you like to mix?
Toad: ( Sighs ) Toadsworth. This is getting us nowhere…
Toadsworth paid no attention to Toad.
Toad: TOADSWORTH!
Toadsworth: Damn Toad no need to yell…
Toad: I need a way to find out who sent those viruses! But I've totally destroyed the security systems on Wario's Laptop and I've found no trace of the Warioware virus!
Toadsworth: Like I can help you! You'd have a better chance of getting into the Internet than getting answers from me.
Toad: What…
Toadsworth: I SAID…
Toad: Shut up! Tayce T. do you have something long?
Toadsworth: ( looking at Tayce T. ) I know I do baby and you can have it anytime you please…
Tayce T: How about a really long Pastry?
Toad: It'll have to do…
Toad started loading up a program on Toadsworth's laptop.
Toad: Alright Tayce T. put the Pastry through the red dot on the back of my mushroom
Tayce T: Ok…Loading the 7oadr1
Meanwhile at Mariosoft…Mario: So Luigi what's your score?
Luigi: 45 on 9-Volt… Speed up! Man these minigames are going fast!
Mario: 2 seconds for a game?
Luigi: I gotta go to the bathroom…
Mario: WHAT!
Luigi: I need you to take over Mario!
Mario: I'll lose Luigi! I can't play games that fast!
Luigi: YOU HAVE TO!
Luigi runs to the bathroom.
Mario: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!
Mario jumps to a laptop and gets on the keys as fast as possible.
Mario: What I already lost two lives!
Mario: Defeat Mother Brain… Who's Mother…
Failed lost a lifeMario: Ahhh come on!
Dodge…Mario: What the! Lost a life! Come on! Mariosoft we'll be deleted if Luigi doesn't hurry up!
Last life...Mario: uh oh… LUIGI!
Back at the Castle... Bowser: Bwwaarr I'm Bowser Bwaa ha Haarga Harrga!Peach: ( Whispering ) Come on Yoshi you can do better than that!
Yoshi: come on now were supposed to be practicing! Give me some kind of confidence!
Peach: Then why don't you try putting the whole costume on instead of just the mask!
Yoshi: I told you I don't wanna wear the shell!
Peach grabbed Yoshi and forced the shell and tail part of the costume on him.
Yoshi: Hey!
Peach: Now do you feel more like Bowser…
Yoshi: A little… Hey do you think we could make one of those flying thingies that Bowser always uses?
Peach: Huh?
Yoshi: You know the one with the propellers on the bottom. He's captured you in it Twice!
Peach: Oh the smiley machine! Umm no…
Yoshi: Well that was a waste of time… Hey Peach where do you think we could get some red shells?
Peach: I think the Chancellor has a cellar with koopa shells in it…
Yoshi: This is gonna be great! Peach and Yoshi walked down the stairs of the castle down to where the vault guard use to be and opened up the door. In front of Yoshi and Peach was three floating treasure chest, one with a mushroom, one with a flower, and the third had ten coins in it.
Peach: There should be a secret entrance back here… Here it is!
Peach opened the door to the Koopa vault. The Chancellor stored every koopa shell he got in here so that the koopas wouldn't be able to get their shells back when they were defeated.
Yoshi: Wow he even has the Koopa Kid's shells in here…
Peach: Red shell blue shell big shell small shell…
Yoshi: Peach I think I'm ready…
End of Part 4
Super Mario Hacker Bros.
Part V
Luigi opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom…
Luigi: Ahhh… So Mario, is Mariosoft safe?
Mario: Shut up! Level 96! And still haven't earned a life!
Luigi: Level 99! One more Mario!
Pinch the fat…
Mario: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
With mere nano-secends to spare, Luigi springs into action. Causing extremely cool slow motion effects. He jumps for the monitor and grabs the mouse, with no effort at all he slides the mouse to Waluigi's tiny bulge and clicks on it,
Clllllllllliiiiicccccckkkkk…
Mario: How the Fuck!
Luigi: ( sweating ) that was too close…
Mario: How the fuck did you do that in half a second!
Speed up!
Mario: Ahhhhhhhh!
Luigi: Hurry Mario hurry! Enter the dungeon!
Mario: Oh My God!
Meanwhile in the DarkWorld…
Waluigi was sitting at Wario's laptop watching on of the camera views he had up on the screen…Wario and Bowser were behind him enjoying the show. About a quarter of the entire population was now gone…
Bowser: Bwaa Ha Haaaa! Finally! It's time the Toad race gets their fair share. I've been waiting for this moment every since Kamek told me to hate Toads!
Waluigi: Wait a minute… so… your just holding this grudge because someone told you to?
Bowser: I was abused as a koopaling… I had no choice, but now I don't really care! I hate them anyway!
Wario: Hey Bowser! You and Peach are on camera!
Bowser: What! That's not me! That's, some guy! That's it! I'm gonna get that guy whoever he is!
Bowser: You two stay here… It's time I set things straight with my kids!
Bowser left the room through a big red studded door.
Wario: Waa Ha Haaa!
Back at Tayce T's Kitchen…
Toadsworth: Toad what the hell are you doing? A pastry through your head? Uh huh that's definitely gonna work…
Tayce T: What a waste of bread…
Toadsworth: Alright there is no point in doing this! Take that pastry out of th…
Riiiiiing… Riiiiiing…
In the 7oadr1 ...
Toad was now in a parallel universe inside computers. The first thing he noticed was that he was dressed differently… in a black trench coat with dark sunglasses. He was in an empty park, in front of him was a bench, someone was sitting there…
: Hello, Toad, I've been expecting you…
Toad: Huh?
Toad walked toward it and saw someone sitting with a bag of candy.
Toad: Birdo?
Birdo: Hello Toad, have a seat…
Toad: What are you doing here?
Birdo: The question is why am I here Toad…
Toad: What the Fuck?
Birdo: The answer is choice Toad… I am here… because I have that choice. I am… the oracle.
Toad: Why can't anyone be on my side and listen to what I fuckin say for once!