I am so sorry it took so long. I've given up on regular updates. But it's summer, so we'll see if that helps at all.
I like chips.
And cigarettes.
Cigarette Count: 14
Another Time. Ch. 4.
People say that we live to learn, and through learning we really live. So, one could say that without the other, neither can exist. I have struggled for many years trying to decipher what that meant. But, I think, I was most intimate with that question as a young man attending Hogwarts. I learned to love, and therefore how to live. Then I learned to despair, and in turn discovered what it meant to hurt. We learn in feelings, in emotions, in living.
Well that was the answer I would have given you as a 7th year graduating. At this momment, I can give you none. I am an old man who has too much time to ponder perhaps. But I am one that has lived life like few others.
So, I walked out of that hall, the great dining room of Hogwarts with a girl most noticed, but none ever really saw. A little beauty with a mass of raven curls and bright blue eyes. Eyes full of wonder and kindess. Eyes of which I have never seen competed. Eyes that to this day seem to peer at me in dreams, in the waters of the sea, in the purity of the sky. Glorious eyes that bedazzled even the likes of me.
Her arm in mine, I lead her while people turned to stare. I didn't glance to Hermione, not even to Blaise. I stared foreward and guided her from the room, from the people. At that time, I did not know I would guide her from many things, nor could I fathom that she would lead me from myself. So I just smirked to myself, and looked down upon her, to find her smiling up at me, her eyes glittering and soft, her lips matching. Her pressence matching. I looked away quickly, the picture of that momment scarred into my mind like an iron to a cow.
"Monica? Where would you like to walk to?"
"Hm...Lets walk up to the pine on top of the hill! I love it up there! It's really peaceful!" Spring time dew. Fresh. New. Dazzling in a soft, slight way. That is the only description I could ever come up with that even nears the magic of her voice. Words don't work right. But back to the story.
Nodding, I lead the way to the spot she had spoke of. I didn't actually know which one she was talking about but I was not willing to appear to not. So, I walked along a path I thought would lead up to the tree in question, praying that I would not make an utter ass of myself. It's not that flattering, if I do say so myself. And trust me on this one, I would know.
The smell of freshly watered greens filled my nostrils and swirlled through my senses, sending tiny shivers down my spine. One thing a people should do more of is taking walks out in the wild. Doesn't have to be out in the middle of a forest, though that's one of my personal favorites, but somewhere. Somewhere where tree's are, where the grass is soft, the sun warm, with water trinkling. The sounds pf most birds is something I found to be very relaxing, very soothing. No letters to answer, to business to worry about. Worries far gone, and your mind as wide open as your eyes.
Yeah, definatly more walks. But I should get back to my tale. I'm old now, you see. And my mind seldom has the steadfast nature it once has.
She turned back to face me, and pointed up the way a bit. How long had we been walking? Can't remember. It goes from me smelling the lovely scent of the land, to this moment here. No hard feelings I hope. I'm sure it wasn't important. Probably more walking. But her eyes were amused, and her smile bright. "It's up that way, you can see it from here."
"Really? Facinating." Being young, and quite the ass at some moments, I must say, I didn't find the joy she did. As niave as she seemed, as silly and innocent, she was...old. Wise.
"Uh huh! And it that the cutest flowerds growing 'round it!" She also had a marvelous talen and ignoring my insolence.
Turning around once more, she quickened her pace into a run and set off quickly to the tree, her tinkling laughter echoing through the air, mixed with tweets and other noises. Not quickening my stride one bit, I watched her go, and calmly followed. The sun played against her ebony curls, and her robes flew in the wind. Turning a little, she waved to me hurry, her face bright. Stunning.
A twinge. I felt a twinge deep inside my body, and stopped staring at her joyous face. Joy? How long had it been since that feeling filled my veins, my being. Too long. To very long. Hermione...had taken that with her...with her wherever she chose to go. And where was that place? To Potter. To his arms, to his bed, to his life. I hated him. A hate that doesn't die, that before seemed like only a mildly strong disliking now. A hatred that burned in me, that seemed to want to consume me. And why shouldn't I let that happen? He had stolen the one thing in my life that was good, that brought joy. That brought a simple flicker of happiness and contentment to a life and a boy who had before known only contempt and boredom, mixed with an agony, tainted with the memories of a father who wanted nothing more then his utter obedience.
Why should she be able to feel joy, this little raven haired devil with an angels essence? Why not I? Didn't I deserve that? I lost the woman that turned my heart, a child unborn, a life I was reaching to grasp...and what had she gone through to deserve joy? In that moment, I hated her too. I hated everyone...everyone...except...
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"Moine, please, I can't breath..." Strong arms grasped me around my chest, squezzing as she laughed in delight. Brown locks filled my nose with the scent vanilla, a soft supple body pressed to mine that sent me into a daze. Well, untill I felt my face turn a most unpleasant blue.
"I'm sorry! But Draco! I'm so happy!" Her arms loosened a bit as she leaned back in my arms to peer at me with beautiful brown eyes. Brown meeting blue. Silver meeting brown. "I was...so scared...that you'd choose that side...I was...Nevermind! We'll deal with your father when the time comes! For now, let's just be happy and not worry about it!" Eye's alight with a simple joy that was in no way simple, a mouth spread in a wide and dazzling smile.
Sucking in air as smoothly as possible, my hands trailed over her hair, cupping her nape and kissing her. All my fears disappeared in that moment, were cast aside. It would be fine, she would be here with me always. She promised to in her own way. When it came to dealing with my father about this, she'd be there.
And I was free of the need to get the dark mark. The only person I wanted to please was her, now. Not my father, not my teachers, no one but her.
I felt an emotion run through me. A feeling that made me weak in the knee's, that hit me with a hard, lovely impact.
And in that moment, I knew my eyes matched hers.
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I came out of the memory with my eye's stinging with tears I knew I could not shed, I could not let anyone see. My breath was faint, even to myself, my resolve and strength nearly gone.
"Hermione...oh Mione..."
"Hey, Mr. Malfoy!" My eyes darted up to see her standing at the base of the tree, her face beaming at me, but even from the distance I could see the worry in her azure orbs.
"Draco, are you coming?" That melodious rang out through the tree's and right through me. In that moment, when she spoke my given name for the first time, I wanted to run into her arms and weep. Her gentle kindness, her alarmingly open and forgiving nature...all called out to me. And I hated her. I would never betray Hermione. She'd come to her sences and when she did I would be her's and her's alone. Forget this little bitch. I wouldn't fall for her games. Whatever she wanted she couldn't have. I was just going to go back to the castle and study before my next class. Maybe think on how I could get Hermione back some more. I turned on my heel and began to stride back to the castle. I didn't cast her another glance, did not care to. Little whore.
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She stood back, underneath her beloved tree, feeling nothing. Her large eyes soft and concerned, with a few tears. Hands clasped before her now, having let them fall there, she stared after the cold boy, who felt a pain few could know. Very few could know, and very few of them could withstand it.
Not that he was withstanding it.
"Oh Draco..."
A/N- Well I know this chapter is shorter, but I'm sick, and I have to work in the morning. So I'm hoping to at least get 4 hours of sleep before I work for nine and then go on a blind date.
This chapter was actually reeeally wonderful to write. I like how it's developing. And I know my writing style changes a bit. But I'm a moody writer so please bear with me.
Thank you again to any and all reviewers. And remembering, sharing is caring, so share your thoughts! Bring on some flames if you want.
Loves and Regards.
Cigarette Count: 12