It was 11:30 pm, I was on Interstate 81 passing through Marion Virginia. I have been on the road for 8 solid hours at this point. I have been driving ever since leaving Juicebox's warehouse. I had contemplated staying at a hotel in Newark, however, I had decided against it. I had wanted to get as far away from Connecticut as I could.
It had dawned on me that on this day alone, I have been to 6 different states – passed through them while driving. I have driven through New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Maryland, West Virginia, and now Virginia. This may seem like a trivial fact to some, but it was really profound to me. It was a testament to the fact that I was now truly free.
My whole life, I have been trapped in one way or another. Being abused by my piece of shit father, life on the streets of Estonia, selling myself to creeps for money, seeking pity from strangers by posing as a little girl, living with the Leppiks, living at the Saarne Institute, all of it, I was never really free. I've spent most of my life just surviving and allowing my sick twisted mind to hurt innocent people.
Hitting the road, and not staying in Newark, seemed to have been smart play. I have been listening to the radio the entirety the trip, trying to keep myself alert and awake. I have been listening to all of the developments in my story. Dr. Varava passed his information along to the police.
Authorities knew that I had stolen the identity of Esther Albright at this point. Police had found the body of Esther Albright next to Detective Donnan's body in that well in Darien Connecticut. Authorities also knew of how I had managed to become Esther Sullivan. They knew of the forged documents I had made from a supposed 'Russian orphanage', and how I did this to sever my ties with the Albrights.
I remember doing this. Under Dr. Segar's care, I was allowed computer time. While everyone else thought I was playing 'Webkinz', I was forging Russian orphanage documents. I printed these documents and snuck into Dr. Segar's office, where I took the envelope Dr. Segar was going to send to the adoption agency and replaced her paperwork with the paperwork I had made. I knew Dr. Segar wasn't going to be a problem, she was trying to get me out of her sight as soon as possible. Even after that day me, Allen and Tricia had that sit-down in her office, I don't think she truly bought the story of me being 'Esther'. She knew there was wrong with me.
They had played my statement I have given to Dr. Varava a few times on the radio.
"My name is Leena Klammer. Some of you know me as Leena, some of you knew me as Saskia, some of you knew me as Polina, some of you knew me as Esther. I know I will never be able to right the wrong that I have done. I know that I have destroyed many lives. I have no excuse for all of the horrific things that I have done. I am so sorry. I'm sorry for the lives that I have ended. I'm sorry for all the lives that I have destroyed. I promise to spend the rest of my life attempting to make things right."
My apology has garnished mixed responses according to the radio host. Elmar Leppik, the bother of Adrus Leppik, my first 'uncle' gave a response.
"It's been years since Leena has taken the lives of my brother Adrus, my sister-in-law Hele, and my nephew Gaabriel," he said in Estonian as an interpreter repeated it in English. "Leena, even though you hurt me in more ways that you can imagine, I forgive you. Adrus is now in a better place, and I wish the same for you now."
This made me tear up. I will reach out to him in the near future, I want to talk to him directly.
Lily Eldridge, the sister of Karen Sullivan, gave a response.
"Leena, you took away my best friend, and as much as I appreciate the apology, I could never forgive you. I do hope, with utmost sincerity that you find peace with yourself, and with God."
I will reach out to her as well. To be quite frank, I want to reach out to all my victims, people who I have both hurt directly and indirectly. I want everyone to at least have their peace hearing me apologize directly to them. Though they may have heard me apologize over the radio and TV, it doesn't carry the same weight as a direct apology.
As for Karen, she was right, I couldn't bring back Karen or her family, however, I could however seek redemption. I know she runs a charity for disabled veterans. The least I could do, once I have established myself in Texas, is donate to her charity. In addition to reaching out to every one of my victims directly, donating to Karan's charity is on my bucket list.
I relax as I continue driving into the night. I smile at the fact that I can now finally start over.
"Leena Volkov" I say to myself smiling.