Definitely not as good as the Téa one, but meh, see what you think!

And thanks to all my reviewers!

OK, let's get this straight-this fic is NOT based on real events that happened relating to my brother, I repeat this fic is NOT based on real events. eyes everyone cagily, before scuttles away

Yugi's Downward Spiral Into Insanity

"I will move the knight to E4, ha! Checkmate!" Yugi crowed, in the recesses of Yami's mind chamber, where they were currently in the middle of a game of chess.

"Ah, but if I do this-" Yami did a complicated manoeuvre involving three pawns, a bishop and a castle- "see, I have my King protected behind an impenetrable barrier."

"What!" Yugi's mind was slipping. This isn't how you play chess! Yami had already claimed that two red queens and a black five was the ultimate combination in poker, and had cheated his way through checkers, backgammon, battleships and cheat- although that is technically the point of that game.

"You can't play chess like that! Pawns don't move backwards!" Yugi exclaimed indignantly.

"Erm, I'm afraid you'll find they do," Yami sat back, preparing for a grand lecture. "Back in my day, not only could pawns move forwards, they could also move sideways-" he demonstrated, knocking Yugi's castle over. Yugi's eye began to twitch. "-and they could also move backwards. You know, until two Millennia ago, we had been playing with lines in the sand, and jacks instead of the queen. Now the jack was a very special piece, but in those days it was known as a knave-"

"This is cards, right?" Yugi's eye twitched dangerously.

"No no no! Yugi, I never got to be known as the King Of Games by confusing the games with each other. Now, you have to learn to tell the difference between the queen and the jack. Back in my days, the jack was made of stone whereas the queen was more ivory, but ivory was hard to acquire so instead we used-"

"Make your move," Yugi said quietly, voice knife sharp.

"Oh Yugi, are you OK, your eye is twitching. Ah, let's see, I will sacrifice these two pawns-" he selected two of Yugi's pawns that were one move away from being crowned queen, "to bring back my queen, which I then use to wipe out your bishop and knight in a Double Blast!"

"What, you can't do that, that's duel monsters!" Yugi exclaimed despairingly.

"Oh no, you must be thinking of-"

"Well in that case, I invoke in the mystic powers and use the Teleporter, which enables me move my queen to any space on the board!" Yugi babbled. "Hah! You lose! Checkmate!"

"Yugi," Yami said gently. "You must be getting confused. We are playing chess, not-"

"Gah! I can't take it any longer!" Yugi cried, clutching his head. He threw the board in Yami's face and jumped up. "I am sick of you and your ways! Why must I listen to you any longer?" With a maniacal cackle he grabbed the queen and with a supernatural strength drove her straight into Yami's heart. "Ha, now you really do have the Heart Of The Cards!"

"I believe not," Yami replied calmly, not in the slightest bit alarmed and pulled the queen out. "For that to happen, I would need a card in my heart, not, a queen. Anyway, as I was saying, you couldn't tell the difference between a-"

"Take that! You fiend!" Yugi cackled, thrusting the Dark Magician card into Yami's heart. "Hahahahaha!" And with that, Yugi drew out a knife and began to stab Yami.

"Yugi, what are you doing?" Yami enquired, eyes widening as Yugi carved patterns on Yami's chest.

"Why, Yami, I am killing you!" Yugi said in a singsong voice. "Tralalalala!"

Yami put his arm around Yugi, prising the knife out of his hand. "Yugi, I think you should stop this madness, someone might get hurt."

"Yes, you!" Yugi sprang back, making the sign of the cross. "And pray tell me, o great Pharaoh, why are you not yet dead? Why have you not disintegrated, as is the custom when a knife is driven into an evil being's heart?"

"Yugi!" Yami said, alarmed. "You of all people know that I can never be destroyed, after all, I am already a spirit, am I not?"

"Gah!" Yugi cried. This wasn't supposed to happen. Yami was supposed to die, and Yugi would take his place as the King! With a look of horror, he saw Yami's flesh healing around the wounds.

"Damn! Yugi, help me, the Dark Magician seems to be trapped in my chest," Yami said, trying to tug it out.

Yugi's eyes widened, and he began to rock back and forth, making burbling noises. "Stuck with him for all of eternity" was one of the phrases that could be made out.

"There there, we can get you all the help you need," Yami said, patting Yugi on the back as he blew raspberries into the night chamber.

And the moral of the story is: It is always the quiet ones that go insane.

Or: Chess and Duel Monsters are two different games and should not be confused.

Well, see what you think! Any ideas for future 'episodes', please submit!