Seasonal Snogging: Chapter Five: Traitor!
This chapter has been re-written owing to a review I received that said the situation in the original one made the reviewer think of rape. That was certainly not my intention, as this is supposed to be a humorous fic! When looking back at the chapter, however, I found that she had a point and decided to re-write it. It has since taken on a life of its own and now barely resembles its original being. So my apologies to those who reviewed the first one. This is the new and (hopefully) improved version.
It was two O'clock on Christmas morning and Albus Dumbledore was storming through the castle, heading for Minerva McGonagall's rooms. He knocked loudly and persistently and, not bothering to wait for an answer, gave the pass word and burst in. He was prepared to call her out of bed if necessary, but thankfully found her sitting on her sofa with several large glasses of water in front of her. Some had apparently already been consumed in an attempt to sober up.
She looked up as he stormed in.
"Albus! What are you doing?!" she cried.
"Traitor!" he yelled, pointing an accusing finger at her.
"What?!" She growled, standing up to face him.
"Traitor!" he repeated with only slightly less conviction, quaking a little under the McGonagall glare.
"What on earth are you talking about Albus?"
"You've been fraternising with the enemy!"
"I beg your pardon?"
"I saw you SNOGGING my brother!"
"Ah, yes well…he's been very kind this evening…"
"I'm kind everyday, but you won't kiss me! I had to threaten you with remedial Creevey brothers to get you to let me kiss you on the cheek! And in the meantime you allow my brother - who you know perfectly well is attached, not to mention suspiciously fond of goats - to stick his tongue down your throat outside the broom cupboard in the main entrance hall!"
He was stamping his feet on the ground and clenching his fists in his anger. Minerva couldn't help but smile to herself. It was like watching a two year old throwing a tantrum. She was surprised he hadn't thrown himself on the floor, kicking and screaming.
"It's just like Phyllis Diddleworth in my fourth year!" he raged. "She swore to me she would rather kiss Aberforth's pet goat than kiss him, but there she was, outside the same cupboard, letting him snog her senseless…!"
"Albus, this is ridiculous! I fail to see why you are so upset. What I do in my own time is no concern of yours. Now would you please remove yourself from my rooms!"
"I think you'll find it is my concern when you are engaging in such activities on school grounds, where a student might see you."
"But it's alright for you to parade around the school rattling your jar and kissing anything over the age of eighteen in a dress?!"
"Not anything in a dress, Minerva. It would have been completely pointless kissing Barnabas the Barmy in his tutu."
"Nevertheless, it is hardly appropriate behaviour for a respectable headmaster."
"Stop trying to turn the tables! This is about you kissing my brother instead of me. And I'm not going anywhere until I've had my own kiss. A proper kiss! Now!"
"Absolutely not! You can't come barging in here demanding I kiss you!"
"Can't I? Watch me!"
He folded his arms across his chest and stood still, with a look of absolute determination on his face.
"I'm not leaving until I've had a kiss like Aberforth!"
"Well then you will be here a very long time!" she said with a smirk. He scowled at her in a most uncharacteristic manner as she re-seated herself on the sofa and took up the next glass of water. He did not move, but after a while recommenced his infuriated rant.
"How could you? My own Deputy Headmistress! My so called friend! With my brother of all people?"
She shrugged and rolled her eyes.
"Oh he's not that bad. He's just as much a gentleman as you. More so, indeed, judging by your behaviour tonight! And Albus, if you are to be my guest for the rest of the evening, I really think you ought to remember your manners and refrain from yelling at your hostess."
He ignored her, uncrossed his arms, and re-folded them the other way.
"Loyalty, Minerva," he stormed "whatever happened to that? Am I not your closest friend as well as your colleague?"
"Supposedly."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. Do go on with your little tantrum." she said archly "It's very entertaining watching a grown man behave like the Slytherin Quidditch Captain whose team's just lost to Gryffindor."
He suddenly felt very small, and found himself imagining what it must be like to be one of her students, caught beneath that piercing glare. He lowered his voice a little, but continued muttering to himself, voicing his disgust at her disloyalty. She continued drinking her water quietly, every so often looking up to where he was standing - mumbling and scowling like a petulant five year old - and smiling fondly as she marvelled at how well Aberforth knew his brother. She was about to retire to her bedroom and offer him the couch if he still insisted on sitting her out, when she caught a few of the words he was murmuring.
"…knew perfectly well…rotten turncoat…St Mungo's lose out again…bloody home for goats, I'll be a laughing stock…kissing that blasted brother of mine…he'll win the competition again…how could she?"
She jumped to her feet, knocking the table over as she did so. The situation no longer held any amusement for her when she realised his true intentions had only ever been to fill his jar.
"Competition?!" She shrieked. So much for Aberforth's plan! "This is about that blasted competition?!"
"Do you think I come banging on the doors of my female members of staff in the middle of the night every day of the week demanding they kiss me? It's Christmas day already, and if I don't fill my jar by midday, he'll win again! In the past few years I've donated so much money to Biscestor's bleeding goats home that the man already thinks I plan on retiring there myself! You must help me, Minerva! You owe it to me, after what you did tonight! I'm not going until you've let me kiss you!"
Her lips were white with anger as she pursed them, and her cheeks burned with humiliation. Her fists clenched and unclenched as she desperately tried to prevent her right hand from drawing out her wand, transfiguring him into a sherbet lemon and crunching him between her teeth. He was looking at her expectantly, clearly certain that he had won her round.
She may have managed to keep her hands under control, but her tongue was a different matter. After a moment of speechlessness, she unleashed it on the headmaster.
"If you're so determined to WIN your stupid competition, Professor Dumbledore, why don't you take yourself round to the other female Professors' rooms and get them to kiss you?"
Her voice was as cold as ice and he realised that she was about to explode.
"Well, that's a good point, I hadn't thought of that." he stammered, trying to ward off the tirade she was surely going to launch in his direction. "But you're not getting off the hook that easily, oh no! I'm staying put, even if it means staying here all night. And I'm not staying quiet, either, so don't expect to get any sleep! Yes, a few renditions of 'I'm a Friendly Warlock, Won't You Waltz With Me?' should do the trick I think..."
"Oh really?!" she cried "Well, in that case, do allow me to make you more comfortable!"
She whipped out her wand, and before he knew what had happened, he had been hit with pertrificus totalus and was plummeting towards the floor.
As the bedroom door slammed shut, his nose hit the carpet. Unable to make a sound, he mentally yelled "ouch!" as he pondered the difficulties involved in protecting ones features from angry witches.
Phew! That one took a while, but there it is. For those who read the original chapter five, I'd love to know if you prefer this one. I certainly do, and it leaves a lot of scope for further chapters!
So thank you to Becky the non-signed reviewer for being honest and helping me to improve my stuff! That's what reviews are for!
I realise I have taken a bit of a liberty with the characterisations in this chapter. It could descend into parody, if I'm not careful, but it was necessary for Dumbledore to be wildly angry for plot purposes. I do realise that he's not really the type to shout except when absolutely necessary.
Thanks so much to all who have already reviewed. Please hit me again...