Marjoram, I want to thank you for the inspiration of this wonderful new tale. I was wondering how to get Bakura and Malik involved, well, here it is.

Why It Is Not A Good Idea To Get Bakura and Malik Drunk

…At The Same Time

"Ah, I find that if we move the battleships to the bay over there…" Malik moved three battleships with a brush of his sweeper.

"And launch the Lancaster Bombers onto the sandy beach in a surprise attack-"

"The world will be ours!"

The two Yamis were in a dimly lit room, hunched over a map of the world, contemplating on the many military manoeuvres they could endeavour. All was quiet…

The door clanged open.

"Sorry guys, Pearl Harbour's already happened," Ryou said jollily, patting Bakura on the back.

"Really, Bakura and Malik, you need to get out more," Tristan said, scrunching up the map and tossing it into the bin.

"What the…?" Both Yamis gaped, aghast.

"You know, go out, meet some girls, see the sights…"

"B-but-" They watched as Joey ate the battleships.

"Tell ya wha-" Joey spat out the hull, "why don' we take youse out tonight, y'know, to meet girls. Our treat!"

"Yeah, I mean come on, you need a better social life than playing battleships in the dark," Tristan sniggered.

"Well that settles it," Ryou hoisted Bakura up and dragged him away.

"You too!" Joey cried to Malik.

"You know, it is so nice that we can all just sit in a bar and enjoy our drinks, without starting one of your Ra-damned arguments," Yugi murmured, sipping a cocktail.

"Yeah well, shame I don't like alcohol," Téa grumbled, swallowing a mouthful of Red Bull.

"You know, I think dat babe over there's givin' ya da eye," Joey winked, elbowing Bakura in the ribs.

"Ouch!" He winced. Being sandwiched in between a Joey on ten Bicardis' and a suave Yami doing a James Bond wasn't doing too much for his personal wellbeing.

"Hey come on, you guys are hardly drinking anything at all!" Tristan cried.

"Ha, ya scared, aintcha?" Joey snickered, choking on a pretzel. (Yes, there is an intentional reference to Story 4)

"Gah! Joey's choking!" Yugi cried.

"Quick, do something!"

"I know!" Téa said. She curled her hand into a fist and smacked Joey on the back.

"Ow! Watch it tha- bleurgh cough" A sopping pretzel shot out of Joey's mouth and landed on the table. Everyone stared at it.

"Joey, you're so stupid," Malik said eventually. "How in the name of Ra, can you choke on a pretzel?"

"It has a hole in it for Ra's sake!" Bakura cried.

"Yeah well, the president did it," Joey muttered sullenly.

"Joey," Tristan whispered, "You're not supposed to say that."

Malik downed the rest of his drink and burped. "You're pathetic, Wheeler!"

"Oh yeah? Comin' from someone who's only had one drink, I think not!" Joey retorted.

"Ha! Malik only had one drink!" Bakura laughed, pointing at Malik.

"And how many, may I ask, have you had, tomb robber?"

The bar went deathly quiet.

Bakura put his mug down.

"Now now," Ryou began. "I thought we'd put all this behind us, put our differences aside-"

"When we made our deal, didn't I forbid you to call me by that lowly name? And for your information, I have had one and a half drinks," Bakura said icily, standing up. His mug clattered to the floor.

"Brrr, it's cold in here," Téa said cheerfully.

"Who says you can forbid me to do anything?" Malik also stood up.

"The same person who also says that Malik has the brains of a nit and has the world domination potential of zero!"

Malik looked hurt. "Liar! You said seven point five back in the darkroom!"

"Get with it, loser."

"Oh, I get it," Malik said. "Why, you backstabbing little…"

Bakura swayed uncertainly. "Yeah, that's right! I don't need your help! I am far superior to any of you mortals! And you," he pointed at Malik, "you are but a mere shadow compared to me, for I, Bakura will triumph! All will quake in Bakura's wake!"

"So, you think you're better than me, eh?"

"I think you will find I do!"

"Let's settle this the good old way…" Malik's eyes gleamed, as he drew out the Millennium Rod.

"Guys, you gotta stop this!" Téa cried. "Huh?"

"Go get him, the slimeball!" Ryou yelled.

"Blast the blasted tomb robber back to where he came from!" Marik growled, egging Malik on.

Both Yamis were on the table, circling each other. People crowded around, chanting their names, taking bets.

Suddenly a flash of light erupted from each Item, and met in the middle, exploding. Screams as people dove under chairs.

Bakura swayed again, and Malik took this as an opportunity to blast him. "Argh! hic"

"Haha!" Malik laughed, falling over.

"Honestly, do I have to do everything around here?" Marik complained, snatching the Rod.

"Ere, gimme that!" Malik growled, scrabbling back onto the table.

Another blast collided. It was getting warm in the bar.

"Guys, this place is on fire!" Yugi cried. "I think it's gonna explode!"

"Take that, imaginary swine!" Bakura yelled.

"Ha! Missed, you son of dirt!"

"Yeah well, at least I'm not made up!"

"You asked for it!" Malik looked mad. Even worse, he was drunk. Whooping, he created a giant fireball that flamed up, growing bigger and bigger.

"No! You'll kill us all!" Bakura cried, eyes wide.

"Ha! I can't be killed, because I don't exist!" Malik yelled insanely, letting the fireball go.

Boom!

Above the burning wreckage…

"Phew, that was close!" Téa sighed. "Good thing I drank Red Bull, it really gave me wings, isn't that right, guys? Guys…"

And the moral of the story is: If you want to get Bakura and Malik drunk, you must take all responsibility.

Or: Red Bull gives you wings.

Like it? Like it not? Well, keep your ideas coming in, I am fresh out of stories and morals- sigh!

PS. If you liked this, then check out my "Ways To Annoy Yami Yugi" fic! Or my new one- "April Doom's day!"