Dedicated to Pharaoh's Queen. Thanks for being such a great reviewer, and for coming up with this idea in the first place!

A Tiny Toilet Problem On The High Seas

"No Marik!" Bakura cried, grabbing the controls. "You're supposed to make the peasants pray to you, to boost their morale, not eat them!"

"Gimme that, you pathetic tomb robber! You do things your way, and I'll do things mine." Marik sat back smugly and watched Bakura's eyes widen in wonder, as Marik's god 'Marik the First', doubled his magic points and swelled twice in size. Marik then proceeded to fire thunderbolts at the opposition, more commonly known as Yami-the-insufferable-Ra-forsaken-o-mightiness-the-Pharaoh.

"So, still object to my style of winning?" Marik said coolly, leaning back.

"You know, I should chop off some of your hair to make room for your ego," Bakura sniffed.

Just then the boat rocked, and everything in the cabin including Bakura, Marik and the computer went hurtling towards starboard.

"Arghh! My unmentionables!" Marik cried in pain. "Get this Ra-damned machine off of me!"

Bakura sniggered, but his conquest over Marik was cut short by another giant rock, sending them all towards the opposite wall.

"Arghh!"

Someone's head popped round the door.

"Master Marik, sir, we do believe there is a slight problem with the functioning of one of your facilities."

"What?" Marik growled.

"Erm…let us say that some hooligan had thought it would be a novel idea to block our bathroom with seaweed. The crabs have nested under the seat and limpets have made a nest of the u-bend. I think you should take a look, sir."

"Holy Ra!" Marik exclaimed as the boat lurched again. Bakura was turning green.

The deck master's eyes widened. "Gosh sir, this looks like a fun game. Do you mind if I join in?"

"Get out! Now!" Marik snarled, as Bakura upended his stomach contents into Marik's hair.

"Heh, suits your hair colour," Bakura tittered as the deck master ran for his life.

Now it was Marik's turn to change colour.

"Oh, err…I think I shall go and take a look at the problem," Bakura said, edging towards the door. "I like to watch the water swirl when I flush the loo, you see." He then proceeded to zoom out of the cabin before Marik's rage caught up with him.

How had they managed to get along in the first place? Well Marik had a new boat with a state of the art PC, and Bakura had the latest edition of the banned game Pharaoh Demolition. Simple.

A few minutes later our Bakura was equipped with a set of power tools, a crab net, a fish spatula and a pair of safety goggles. The crewmembers watched him with trepidation as he stepped into the room, like an explorer going into certain death.

After a while there was bang, an: 'owww!' and an assortment of other noises, including drilling.

When Bakura came out everyone was surprised to see the bathroom was indeed fixed, and that all the seaweed and limpets had been removed. Of course, the crab was attached to Bakura's nose, but no one dared to mention it to him.

Later, Bakura and Marik had settled to play round two of Pharaoh Demolition- 'Planning the V formation skirmish, with a duel monsters card as a decoy' when another person rushed in.

"Master Marik sir! The tap water in the kitchen has gone funny!"

"Funny, you say?" Marik ask. "How may I enquire, funny?"

"Well sir, the water has turned blue!"

"But water is normally blue, is it not?" Bakura quipped.

"Well yeah…but…"

"Then I do not think we have a problem." Bakura said, with a hint of sharpness.

"Yes sir," the chef's assistant sighed and left the room.

"Honestly, people these days have no imagination," Marik shook his head.

"I know, what do they think water is, colourless?" Both laughed at that preposterous idea.

Shortly after, there was another complaint.

"Master Marik, I believe there is something in our pipes!" Another crewmember cried, bursting in.

"What? And you made me miss the Pharaoh's head too, now I'll have to settle for his heart!" Bakura grumbled. "I was so looking forward to seeing his brains!"

Marik sighed and went to see what the problem was. When he went to inspect the pipe, there was indeed a mysterious rattling.

"Look, this is natural, all it means is that it is thirsty," he said, grabbing a mug of someone's ale and tossing it onto the pipe. "There, look, it's steaming now. It means it's happy."

"But-"

"It is your job to make sure the boat is in running order, what do I pay you jerks for?" Marik spun around and disappeared.

On his way back he was met by a lurching Bakura. "The seafood," he gasped. "Bakura and prawns do not mix."

Marik shook his head and went back to the game. A few minutes later a piercing scream tore through the air.

"Who in the name of the Pharaoh is that? We don't have any members of the female persuasion on board, or else I would have known!" Marik ran out eagerly and crashed into Bakura.

"It's hideous!" He cried.

"Where is she?" Marik yelled.

Both looked confused for a second then ran to the bathroom, where the whole crew had gathered.

"What is going on?" Marik whispered.

Bakura gave him a broom. "Here, go in and have a look. It's hideous."

Marik went in and came back out. "Holy Ra Bakura, what have you done?"

"It wasn't me…" Bakura whispered.

A slimy tentacle slithered, teasing at the door.

"When you said you'd had something bad to eat I never imagined…"

"Oh ALRIGHT!" Bakura bellowed. "When I went to fix the toilet, all I did was send everything to the Shadow Realm. I must have forgotten to close the vortex."

"But…the drilling?" Someone asked nervously.

"Oh, I was just having fun," Bakura's eyes gleamed.

"So…" another man quavered, "That…thing is responsible for all the weird things that have happened on board?"

"Yep," Bakura said happily.

"How do you get rid of it?"

"Erm…" Bakura began.

"You don't," Marik said. "I have decided to keep it as a pet. I will let it grow and nurture it, and the next time the Pharaoh happens to be walking past…bam! He's all…sunk…shall we say."

"Har har," Bakura said sarcastically. Just then, there was a jolt. Water started lapping at everyone's ankles. Water that came from the bathroom. "Uh…"

"Eurghhh!" Marik cried. "My boat! We're flooded! Abandon ship!" And with that, he dived overboard, leaving a very confused sea monster, Bakura and the rest of the crew on board.

Don't worry- they survived of course. Had the poor thing for tea.

And the moral of the story is: Don't let anyone past their sell by date anywhere near modern power tool technology.

Or: Sometimes sea monsters taste quite nice.

Thanks for reading, and don't forget to R n' R!