Part Two
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Not much to write. Still teaching Lai to use a gun – slowly, he's getting better. I guess having two eyes is an advantage.
I think Noojster's noticed that I dig his machina.
Bored. I thought this was an army? Aren't we supposed to, I don't know, train or something? Or go somewhere and fight something? Man, I'm itching to do something. I can't stand sitting around.
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Uh, yeah. Maybe I should've stuck with the Summoner kidnapping gig. This is so boring! Nooj thinks he owns the world or something with the way he gives us commands, and the way he keeps telling Lai to stop looking at me. What's wrong with looking at me? I mean, it's totally understandable if he can't keep his eyes off me—
What am I saying? Yu Yevon himself would come down out of the vaulted heavens and beat me with a Summoner's staff.
So, Lai told me today as I was trying to teach him the finer points of moving targets – and mostly succeeding, except when he shot that weapons guy in the foot. That was hilarious! I've never had to try so hard not to laugh in my life. The noise he made! And then that horrible apologetic look on Baralai's face… I'm impressed with myself for holding back. And of course, these Spiran pansies just whip up a fancy piece of magic and everything's all better. It's almost sad. I don't think anybody who isn't Al Bhed has any sort of pain tolerance whatsoever.
What was I talking about? Oh, yeah, Lai. He told me he was a Summoner. I think he expected me to bow down and kiss his feet or something… well, no, I can't really say that. He said it like he was almost ashamed of it. I don't know what's to be ashamed of, other than blindly following every single word any Maester of Yevon farts out his ycc… okay, maybe that is something to be ashamed of. Whatever. Anyway, I think it made him really nervous when I told him I was a Summoner-kidnapper. He got this weird look on his face, especially when I told him it was pathetically easy to kidnap Summoners.
Heh. 'What sort of evil did you do to them?' he asked. Like we're so evil. I'd've been offended if he hadn't looked at me like some sort of cute fuzzy animal when he said it. I mean, we practically treat them like royalty. They have their own sanctum, what's better than that? They can all play down there with their little pets and destroy the place, all at our expense. It's like a Summoner amusement park. That's sick.
I stole Pahho from Lai when he wasn't paying attention and took him apart. There's so much junk in Yevonite-built things! Everything's so useless and inefficient! It's really making me wonder about Noojster's parts, too, because he's groaning like he's in need of a serious oiling. Man, I've got some, ready for use, if he'd let me touch him. I think if I offered, he'd smack me with that machina hand… and that'd hurt. No pathetic magic spell could restore my face to its natural beauty after something like that. I'd better not risk it.
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So… I'm not dead. It's a feat, I know, especially after getting attacked by that thing. I can't believe it.
I finally got too restless, so I told Lai I was gonna go look for some fiends to kill or something, and I started off by myself. I didn't figure it was going to be a big deal, but then this thing came out of nowhere. It was like three times as big as the old hovers we used to ride on! It was flying and flapping its wings and when I shot it, it just looked at me like it was trying to figure out whether or not it should dip me in tomato sauce before devouring me in a single bite. I was about to scream like a girl and run away – not my favorite battle tactic, but when facing ravenous overgrown Sinspawn by yourself, it's usually the best idea – when I heard Baralai's voice behind me.
And then there was this other flying thing above me, and I thought for sure I was gonna be lunchmeat for one of them. I figured the two of them would fight over my body, rip me into two pieces, you know? Man, that's not a pleasant thought. Anyway, but then the second thing attacked the first thing and it made a horrible noise and flew away. And standing there, with his arms spread when it was all over, was little Baralai.
Yeah. The little priest guy. The Ex-Summoner apparently still has some of his abilities. And he just smiled like it was absolutely nothing to conjure up this huge bird beast thing out of nowhere and fend off this Sinspawn that was gonna eat me for dinner.
And all I got out of it was a cut across my cheek, right under the eyepatch. And Nooj had the nerve to make a crack about Lai being rough with me. Heh. If only he knew! If I told him, though, he'd probably lay into me about being careless. Meanwhile he keeps looking at Paine with that sort of glistening look in his eyes. Man, old men really can't think about anything but sex, can they? Heh. Why would anyone want that chick, though? I don't get it. You gotta be pretty to get Gippal.
Lai's acting like it's nothing. I don't know how to say 'Hey, thanks man, if you hadn't followed me down the path like a creepy little stalker, I'd've been an appetizer for an overgrown sparrow' without sounding like an ass. Maybe something'll come up. I've got his back now. I have a feeling we're gonna need it.