7.
SOMA
The rest of the summer was not exactly uneventful.
Lily started meeting with Peter or Remus more often. They even came to Thomas and Lily's engagement party in mid-July. Lily had been putting it off for some reason. She wasn't sure why. It was a small party at their house with just Stephen and Laurel and Thomas's older sister Hazel and her husband came as well. Petunia told Vernon she was going to a Tupperware Party and joined the party.
Petunia was easily Lily's best friend. They had been very competitive as children and once Lily found out she was a witch their relationship had soured a bit. Petunia tried to best her through her grades and scholarship to Cambridge. Then Lily started dating James and Petunia did not approve. Once their parents were killed it didn't seem to matter anymore and they became as close as they had been as children again. Plus, Petunia like Thomas. She thought he was charming and handsome unlike James Potter who she found crass, lazy and messy. For someone as anal retentive as Petunia these were heinous crimes. Really, Lily thought that Petunia somehow knew James attracted trouble and danger and it intimidated and worried her for Lily's safety
Vernon Dursley, her husband of one year didn't know that Lily was a witch. Petunia was planning on keeping it that way forever.
They shuffled into the kitchen looking sheepish and out of place next to the intensely polished crowd. Remus and Peter weren't exactly cocktail people. Lily shoved Butterbeers into their hands and introduced them to everyone. Remus and Thomas got on exceptionally well, both ranting about the Quidditch world cup in their equally soft-spoken manners. It made Lily smile.
She didn't see James for a while. But she heard about him.
Thomas came shuffling through the front door and planted a kiss on his fiancée's cheek with a heavy sigh. "I'm exhausted," he said, as Lily took his black Auror's cloak and hung it in the hall closet. She got a kick out of the domestic rituals.
"What happened?" she asked as they went into the kitchen. Lily started making a couple drinks.
"I went to an Auror's council meeting and—have you heard of the Order of the Phoenix? Anyway, it's Dumbledore's little organization for sort of… intensely proactive treatment of the you-know-who situation." He sighed heavily. "Remus was there along with a mate of his—James Potter"
Lily froze midway through pouring herself a martini. "What?"
Thomas glanced at her mildly. "James Potter? Do you know him?"
"Um… yes." She swallowed and placed a scotch in front of Thomas while sipping her own drink. She sat down heavily at the table. "He was Head Boy at Hogwarts while I was Head Girl"
"Oh, then, you should know how he is"
"How he is?"
"Well, you see, brilliant guy really..." Thomas frowned. "I mean, he has all the right ideas about what should be happening in the Ministry and with the Auror's council. Of course, none of his propositions will go through on the council. They're far too risky. But… I don't know Lily, there's something off with him, do you know what I mean?"
Lily thought about it for a moment, sipping her martini. She had an idea what he meant.
-
She really did run into James one day while shopping for a gift for Hazel's birthday. Lily started in Diagon Alley but couldn't find anything suitable. She finally gave up there and made her way into muggle London. She strolled down Oxford Street and Bond Street, not really looking for a gift, but more just wandering for the sake of it. At some point she did find a store with a gorgeous pair of earrings that were the sort of thing Hazel would wear.
The shop girl was wrapping the earrings into a box for her when Lily's heart suddenly gave a leap as she saw a familiar figure stroll past the window. It was James, he had a thin green sweater on with a button down shirt underneath. He looked more rumpled and fatigued as ever. He had his hands in his pockets and was staring at the ground in front of him.
Lily stared out the window, half expecting him to come wandering back.
She couldn't really think, she was more stunned. Had it been him? Was she seeing things? What were the odds? Honestly?
The shop girl handed Lily her package and Lily loitered inside the store for a bit longer, unsure what to do. Well, clearly she couldn't go running after him, there wasn't any point in that. She didn't want to see him. She really didn't want to be near him. She was feeling sick just thinking about it.
Finally Lily left the store and started walking again. She let her mind wander and clear until she had almost forgotten about the incident.
But then it was never that easy.
"Oh!" she squeaked. "Oh…" she repeated, subdued.
"Oh," James repeated, staring at her blankly.
He had just come out of a store, crossing right into her path. He was holding a carrier bag from the store and looked from her to the overcast sky and then back to her.
"I just—I just saw you go by," she stammered "From the store I was in"
James blinked at her. "You followed me?"
"What? No!" she scoffed. "Of course not, I was going this way."
"Okay," James shrugged
Lily sighed. She felt anger boil in her stomach. He always did that. He always managed to make her angry about nothing.
He looked across the street, as if contemplating running across the four lanes of traffic and then turned back to her quickly. "So you're getting married." It was a statement laden with something Lily couldn't quite catch.
"Yeah….Yes, I am" she said quietly.
"Okay," James said again.
"Okay," she repeated. "Bye."
"Take care," he said shortly and strode off in one direction. Lily went the other way.
-
The week following that found Lily sitting at her desk at work wondering how on earth Dumbledore expected her to be able to… to be near him. Not work with him. The way they were going she wouldn't even be able to be in the same room with him, let alone work with him. What was she supposed to do? Ground him? Keep him from going evil?
Whatever, she thought.
Towards the middle of August Lily and Thomas took a much needed holiday to the Greece. Thomas's parents had a house on the island of Kea and they were going to spend a week there, doing nothing but lying in the sand and swimming in the ocean.
On the fourth night something happened that made Lily wonder if fate was telling her something. Fate… or Dumbledore.
She and Thomas were having dinner at a small local restaurant. It was lovely. Candles, soft music, the works. Thomas was holding her hand over the table and they were talking in soft dreamy voices about having the wedding the following spring. She would probably be finished up with Hogwarts by then. They could honeymoon on Kea, they liked it so much there. They would bring the children on holiday there when they had children. There would be photo albums full of thin red haired and brunette children with large green eyes waving from behind sand castles.
And then: "OH MY GOD, LILY?"
She jerked her hand out of Thomas's and whirled around in her seat. At first there was a feeling she couldn't place, one that kind of compressed her heart. Then she felt horrified. Because Dorie Meadows, dressed in a flowing white dress with a giant fashionably floppy white hat and large black sunglasses was screaming at her. And standing behind her was Sirius (looking annoyed and sun burnt), Peter (apprehensive and sun burnt) and James (horrified and transparently pale).
"Oh my god…!" Lily said, her false enthusiasm slipping.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
Lily blinked "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, I'm being secret kept again." She said, rolling her eyes. "We were in London for bit, then Amsterdam and now we've been here for about a week. It's the best yet, I must say."
"Oh, lovely" Lily said, smiling thinly. "We're just on Holiday—oh, Thomas, this is Dorcus Meadows. She's um… she's…"
"In a witness protection service" James said quickly.
"Yes." Lily shot him a thankful look which he returned with a quick twitch of his lips, which she interpreted to be a smile. "And you know Peter and… Potter. This is Sirius Black."
Thomas smiled and nodded at them. He could see the tension in Lily's face. She cursed whatever power James had over her that made her so—so utterly fucked when she was around him, to be frank.
"It's my birthday," Dorie was tittering "You must come out with us—oh, come over to our table! Come on, Lily!"
She shuffled Lily out of her chair and pushed her towards the table the maitre d' had been leading them towards before Dorie's outburst. Lily thought perhaps Dorie was in need of female companionship, hence her insistence on Lily's company.
Thomas sat quietly next to her and she grabbed his hand under the table. They looked at each other and smiled. Lily felt a bit better about it then.
They had dinner together. Dorie doing most of the talking with Peter and Thomas joining in when everyone had a few glasses of wine. Sirius looked offended by Lily's presence still, she tried smiling at him but he wouldn't look at her. James didn't say a word the whole way through dinner. He picked at his food and didn't drink any alcohol. He was staring out at the ocean, mostly.
After about three bottles of wine had been consumed Dorie, Peter and Thomas were properly drunk and properly enjoying Dorie's birthday. Thomas wasn't much of a drinker in comparison to the Marauders but he seemed to find everything Dorie or Peter said hysterical or completely profound. Lily thought it was adorable and so did Dorie, because she kept saying to Lily. "I don't know why I didn't want to marry Stephen—you're fiancé is fabulous" and then the three of them would laugh uproariously as if they'd never heard anything funnier in their lives.
Sirius was chain smoking cigarettes and getting quietly drunk. James stared at the ocean some more and Lily pretended to be engaged with the others.
"Right," Dorie slurred "Shall we go out? Or shall we go in? I dunno, you know? But I'm not finished tonight!"
James made an amused sound that only Lily (the only other sober person there) heard.
"What are the chances," Sirius slurred suddenly. "That you would be here, Evans?"
"I'm sorry?" she asked politely.
"I mean, honestly, James. What are the odds? Old Dumbledore thinks he knows what he's doing, doesn't he"
Lily blinked. "What?"
"Shut up, Sirius" James murmured
"No, I'm tired of him jerking us around. I mean, what does she have to do with it? Really? He just says, go with them James—go to this island specifically. No Death Eaters there! No, just Evans…Ow!" Sirius stopped talking suddenly and was wincing in pain and staring at James. "You needn't do that."
"You're being loud." James said simply.
During that time the other three had decided it was imperative they go back to Lily and Thomas's house on the beach to finish getting drunk and celebrating Dorie's birthday. They all started stumbling out to Thomas's car before Lily or James could stop them. Sirius followed them wordlessly, now clearly peeved at both James and Lily.
James sighed and tried not to look at Lily. It was getting hard. He didn't feel as strange around her now… but it still felt like he should pretend she wasn't there. More for pride and self preservation than anything else.
They reached the little car and Thomas was trying to get his keys out of his pocket. James watched Lily pull them easily from his hand and push him into the back seat where Dorie and Peter promptly piled on top of him. Sirius lit up another cigarette and tried telling them to move so he could get in the car as well. They ignored him and continued to laugh it up.
Lily handed the keys to James wordlessly and she walked around to get into the passenger seat. Sirius finally gave up with the lushs in the back and told Lily to move over.
This is the part where Lily finds herself stuffed into a very small European clown car between James and Sirius on a very bumpy unpaved road. Sirius was leaning as far away from Lily as he could get. She thought he was being a bit irrational but he never the less was leaning half way out the window away from her. She tried in vain to stay an equal distance away from the two men but without a seat belt just ended up sliding mostly into James.
They went around a sharp bend and Sirius clutched onto the edge of the window to keep from flying while Lily just slid across the seat and pressed James into the door, despite clutching onto the seat. She shut her eyes; she was so close to him she could smell that oddly sweet smell that she knew to be James. She felt his hip pressing into hers as well as the lengths of their thighs. A sharp elbow in her side and again that smell: warm and sweet and soft and kind.
The car righted itself and she exhaled and looked around at Sirius to distract herself. He was still smoking.
"How much further is it?" James asked
Lily shut her eyes again. She was being indulgent, she knew. She hated this man sitting next to her but she was going to just for a second pretend she didn't hate him while their legs were pressed so close together. It was a stupid thing to be so… obsessed with.
"Lily?" James looked over at her, she was staring blankly ahead.
"Oh sorry, just a couple more turns." She murmured, not looking away from the road in front of them, lit up by the car's headlights.
"Alright."
James pulled himself out of the blank nothing-mood for a moment to notice that their legs were touching and she wasn't moving away. His heart started beating quite fast. Her hair was shorter and curlier and she looked far more feminine than she had when they were together—but she was still Lily Evans and she was still beautiful and she was still…
There wasn't any point in thinking like that. He didn't want anything to do with her.
They reached the house and Lily helped Sirius up to a bedroom where he could pass out. She found herself tucking him into bed and sitting next to him for a long time.
"Lily," he said softly, apologetically.
"What?"
"Do you hate him? Really? That much?"
Lily sighed and listened to the party raging on downstairs. She felt exhausted and confused and definitely in shock as to how she had gone from being on vacation with her fiancé to hosting a party for her ex-lover and his two best friends along with a girl they were protecting from the dark lord. How she ended up in Sirius's room saying good night was far too strange to even consider.
"No," she said quietly. "But you'll never remember that, you drunken idiot"
"Eh," Sirius shrugged. "At least you're honest" he sniffed and shut his eyes. "He's not honest with us… or himself."
"What do you mean?" she whispered
There wasn't a response.
"Sirius? Are you asleep?" Lily waited a bit longer and then stood up and sighed heavily.
-
This is dedicated to all the people who have ever been the only sober one and know how much that blows. Long one, huh? I know. I'm spent. More soon, I promise.
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