I Call The Ace Of Clubs!
They were in the bar again. The bar that had survived Téa's dancing, Marik and Bakura's little tiff and being blown up.
"C'mon guys, who says no to a round o' cards?" Joey attempted a professional shuffle, only to have the cards sprayed all over a wide-eyed Yami.
"Gosh Yugi, I've never seen these cards before!" He picked one up, studying it really carefully. "Wow, what kind of duel monster is it that looks the same when you turn it upside down-"
"That's the Queen of Hearts, Ra-dammit!" Kaiba popped up out of nowhere, snatching the cards. He shuffled the cards properly, much to Joey's annoyance, and began to deal them out.
"Wait a moment," Téa said, coughing in the smoky room. "What game are we playing?"
"We'll decide that when we get there," Kaiba said casually. He counted the number of cards he had. Three. "OK, anyone up for Beggar My Neighbour?"
"And I'll slam these in face up attack mode!" Yami hollered, showing everyone he had an Ace of clubs, a Seven and Ten of Hearts.
Bakura smirked.
"What're you laughing at, Tomb Robber?" Yami said hotly. "Bet my monsters can beat yours any day."
Bakura flipped his up. "Straight Aces," he said coolly.
Yami let out a strangled noise and flipped the top of the rest of the deck. "Ha! My Magic Joker Monster attacks your Life Points! Game over!"
"Oh yeah?" Bakura tensed up, ready for a fight.
"My fists can take you on any day, slimy Robber," Yami boasted.
"STOP!" Kaiba roared, eyes flashing. "I came here to gambl- I mean play, not watch two pathetic people who don't even exist throw insults. If I'd wanted that, I could've arranged an interview with Dog-face Wheeler."
"Hey!" Joey yelled.
"Calm down people," Téa tried to restrain Joey. "People are starting to look at us."
"I'll go and get us some more drinks then," Joey murmured, standing up.
"No need!" A chirpy voice piped up as Duke and Tristan appeared, carrying a tray full of drinks.
"Is it me, or has everyone gone insane?" Joey muttered, sitting back down. "No way can we coincidentally bump into that many people at the same time."
Kaiba was shuffling the cards again. "Alright, this time we play Bridge."
He was met with silence. Sighing, he put the deck down and said wearily, "OK, does anyone actually know how to play Bridge?"
Furtive shakes of heads all around. "Did you know, that it is a universal rule that no one in existence knows how to play Bridge-"
"Shut it, Duke Boy!" A hand was clamped over Duke's mouth.
"Poker?" Kaiba jingled his moneybag impatiently. Everyone glanced at a hyperactive Yami. "Better not then."
Kaiba dealt out the cards. "Snap, so be it."
"Ere, how can you wager on Snap!" Joey blurted.
"Shhhh, Joey, it's all in the mind," Tristan murmured.
"You mean you're not really here, and I'm just imagining you?"
"Whatever you say Joey."
"Argghhh!" Joey clutched his head. "Your Jedi mind tricks aren't working on me!"
"Someone give him more beer, sheesh," Bakura sighed, running a hand through his white locks.
And so began the most complicated version of the most boring game in history. Joey was out first- he still couldn't come to terms with whether he was imagining Duke and Tristan or not, this was confirmed when they whacked him over the head with a mug and he was out by default-
"-You can't really play if your face is plastered to the floor," mumbled a very apologetic Tristan.
Tristan and Duke were both out second and third; they couldn't focus after they'd almost killed their best friend. Téa cried herself out- she just wasn't up to Snap. And so it was Bakura, Yami, and Kaiba left in the game.
"Snap!" Bakura yelled, but Kaiba's hand had shot there first. "Damn your body reflexes!" He cursed, fist up sluggishly as he waged a three-man war in his body against Ryou, and the third party, which was beer.
Yami, who'd been pretty quiet so far in the game, thanks to a little tutoring from Yugi, now thought that he was in his element.
"It's just you and me now buddy," he said, doing a very bad impression of an accent he'd heard on TV.
Kaiba smiled.
All had gone quiet. Suddenly without warning, Yami launched into an Indian war cry and launched his cards at Kaiba. Two Jokers hit him squarely on the nose.
"My Double Jokers blast your life points down to zero! In your face! Game, set, match!"
"Yami, how many times do I have to tell you that a Joker is not a form of monster?" Yugi yelled, taking everyone by surprise.
Kaiba swept up the cards. "Well that was a waste of time," he said, and left.
And the moral of the story is: Make sure you can tell the difference between a 'duel monster' card and a regular 'playing' card before you play.
Or: If you want to keep your sanity, never play cards with Yami.
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