Part Eight

197S9.9.10

I swear this is Bikanel. I swear it. We're on land… the sand is the right color of dark yellow tinted with orange. I know these sands… I've walked on them my whole life.

No! I haven't walked on them my whole life! Home was destroyed years ago… yes. I have to believe that. I have to make the others believe it too. No one can know the Al Bhed still live here. If they did, then they would certainly come after us. Again.

I should erase all of that. But, no, this zuinhym is encoded through four passlocks, all written in Al Bhed. No one who isn't Al Bhed could decipher it.

…except those I have been teaching Al Bhed.

Damnit, I'm working against myself. I have to protect my people. That is everything! We act on our own, without interference from those damned Spirans. I should stop teaching them our language.

But I trust them. Tyshat, what kind of Al Bhed have I become? I trust Spirans?

What is wrong with me?

Regardless, this is Bikanel. I know it. It's not just the color of the sand or the look of the water, but it's… I just know. It's said that the Al Bhed have a sort of homing instinct, that we can feel it when we're home.

Home.

I could just run away. Wasn't that what I was looking for, anyway? Wasn't I looking for a way to get back Home? Isn't that kind of why I joined this whole 'Crimson Squad' thing that they're calling it now? It's right here. I bet I could find it, if I could just find that familiar oasis. The island isn't all that big. I'm sure I could find it.

…but then I'd be running away again. What kind of man runs away? Am I that kind of man? No, damnit. I'm sixteen years old now. I have to make a man of myself. I'm at the age.

If I survive this, if I beat out all these Spirans, then the Al Bhed will have a name for themselves again. And I will be the one closest to the Maesters, the one who can find out their plans. Maybe I can make myself powerful enough that, someday, I can change the perceptions of my race.

Whatever. To do that, I have to stick with my team, with these Spirans. I have to trust them. None of them have given me any reason to distrust them… I mean, even Noojster has put a fairly good amount of trust in me, so I should return that, right? These guys're all different anyway. I can't imagine that Nooj puts too firm of a belief in Yevon. Even though Lai apparently does, I have him under my fingertips anyway. He'll give me secrets without even knowing it. And, one day, maybe he'll be a valuable contact. If I can change his perceptions of the Al Bhed (which, considering he lets me vilg him on a nightly basis, I think it's working), then he can pass that onto others, right?

Heh. Sounds like a plan, yeah? Change the world, one step at a time.

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh. Err, yeah, in order to survive here, I have to help my team survive. Even though I can't tell them where we are, maybe I can help in another way. I know this place… I can go get us some good food, finally. I'll actually have the opportunity to cook something. It's been so long!

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Well, I did manage to catch a fellant, as we call them, and a pretty big one, too. I know every way to grab one of those things as they try to burrow in the sands… mm, they're practically a delicacy. I guess Lai and Dr. P – that's a really lame nickname for her, but she almost smiles every time I say it, so it works – were really hungry, because they worked really hard to get it ready for cooking. Yeah, I had to skin it since I'm the only one experienced at skinning animals, apparently, but Lai actually built a fire (I have a sneaking suspicion that he used magic for it, though) and Dr. P found some seaweed to cook it in. I'd never cooked it in seaweed, but she said it'd be good, and it was.

Even Noojster seemed impressed. And, yeah, it's good that he's eating. You really need to eat after you've had the caycelghacc.

Everyone mused for a while about where they thought we were. Apparently I'm the only one who has ever been here… which I'm thankful for. It was only when Lai started mentioning a list of desert islands that he knew of – damn him – that the subject of Bikanel came up. And then, if only to help the others, I spilled.

Yeah, I told them it was Bikanel, but as far as they know, Home isn't here anymore. It's the old homeland, I told them, and they believed me. Good.

Anyway, I told them about the island, if only so that we'll have a better chance of navigating through it with any luck. We're at the area where the caves will be, and the fiend-guarded springs. We have quite an adventure ahead of us, especially with all these inexperience Spirans.

I'm going to replace the lubricant in Noojster's parts, and then I'm going to seek out the two other Al Bhed that I know of who are training here. Even if we're probably enemies now, we're still brothers in blood, and I have to make sure they're being true to their people. I have to doubt anybody who shows up in this group.

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The three Al Bhed gathered out over the other side of the hill – Shena and Meru. I have to remember their names – their real names. Anyway, we agreed to a pact, between us, that we would never reveal the existence of Home. Meru seemed particularly agreeable, which was good. He seems like a good man. I've never encountered him before, but Shena – I swear I recognize her from somewhere. With the way she looked at me, it makes me think I probably slept with her sometime. Heh. Whoops.

Anyway, that's done. Noojster's busy flexing his hand over there… he seems pleased with the results. That's good. I imagine that anything to make living with such a disability – in his eyes! an honor in my eyes! …eye. Damnit. – would be most appreciated. I'm happy to help… especially if it means getting to mess with his machina.

Noojster showed us the map a little earlier, as soon as I came back from my meeting with Shena and Meru. It looks like we'll be going nowhere near the location of Home… that's good. Really good. I'd hate to have someone accidentally stumble upon it, no matter how well it's hidden behind the dunes.

Apparently we're going to be competing with everybody and everything to get to the other side of the island. Including the other squads… why doesn't that surprise me? Again, it's more proof of the Maesters pitting us against each other. It's so vile. Well, if I have to kill Spirans, I will. Especially if it keeps them from killing me.

I'm considering putting on the goggles again. It'll hide my eye and protect it from the sand that blows in this place at nights. Yeah, as much as I hate wearing them, I think it's a good idea.

…tomorrow. I don't want to wear them yet. It reminds me too much of the trials of being one of my race.

Baralai's looking awfully grumpy. I can't have that. I don't know what's got him down, since he has been praised plenty today, but I think I'll go rectify it. Yeah. I'll crawl into his sleeping bag, where he can't get away from me, and tickle him until he laughs. That's the best remedy for a frown ever.