Part Twelve

197S9.9.19

Wow. So… there's alcohol in this 'brandy' stuff, is there? It was so good, though, I'm glad that Paine swiped it… even if she did spend the whole time that she slept groping at my ycc. Noojster should fault her for it, not me. It's not like I can help it that my ycc is irresistible, yeah?

I'm still feeling the effects… yeah, I'm not even certain I'm typing straight, but oh well, who cares! It's almost evening now and the others are up so I'm up too. It's not so bad, I'm only a little wobbly. Everyone else is writing in their different little journal things so I figured I would too. This has practically become routine for us… we all sit down and write at the same time, sometimes even in the same room, staring at each other. It's kinda funny, now that I think about it.

Maaaaaan, that tasted good. Lai's such a loser, though, not taking any. He doesn't know what he's missing! I think he's gotta taste it on my breath, though, because I can still taste it! Heh. I kissed him real hard, too. I think he likes it when I do that.

Though I don't really know why he puts up with me doing all that cred. I mean, he's bigger than me, and I know that even more now, and he's stronger. Yeah, I never would have guessed, but Lai's got a body under that robe of his! It's really nice on the fingertips, and he's dark all over, in places that no one probably even knows about. Dark, dark, dark. Like chocolate.

Mm… chocolate. It would go so well with that brandy. Good thing Lai's right---

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I don't know what I was thinking. I think I'm drunker than I thought. I mean, Lai and Dr. P were sitting around telling each other these grand lies, which I could tell just from the look on Lai's face – he gets all ruddy – and so for whatever reason I decided to join in.

It started off simply enough. It was like trying to call each other's bluff, yeah? Trying to out-lie each other or something. It was simple things, like what time of day I was born and things about the Summoner-kidnapping thing I did for a while. (I told Lai I was on the squad that was to kidnap him but I left at the last moment… I don't even know if that's true or not, so it made it impossible for him to tell!) And then it just escalated, and whenever someone would get caught telling the truth, we'd all beat each other up. It was fun.

And then I did the same thing I do every time I get drunk. I got nostalgic. And so I started talking about Home… I guess I forgot, or something, that we were supposed to be telling lies. I wasn't telling lies. I miss it.

Yeah, I'm Homesick. It's funny… that's what we've always called that longing for the desert, the sort of sense we get when we're near the city… and yet, I come to learn more Spiran, and I find out that Homesick is a word there and it doesn't have anything to do with our city. It's just… when you miss the place you're from.

I miss the place I'm from. I think I'm getting too embedded in Spiran society – I'm taking on their sicknesses. Maybe it's one of the diseases you get from vilgehk a Spiran. I dunno if that can be sexually transmitted… I should ask Lai if he gets Homesick. Maybe he'll know what I mean, or maybe he'll be vague and not answer as usual.

I can't say that, though. Lai always answers the questions I ask, unless they're inane. My questions are inane most of the time anyway.

But I told them all about Home… about the gates to the city and the machina outside in the sands, about the metal framework inside and the moving sidewalks. Lai just looked at me, starry-eyed, like I was telling a fairy tale to a little child. Dr. P just looked uncomfortable. She folded her arms and shifted a lot. It was kinda weird. Then, she called me a liar and tackled me.

I'm in no shape to fight, seriously.

I think Noojster was listening, though. He looked a little disgruntled, but then again, I think that's normal for him.

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Everybody's here now. All the teams have come in from the desert… but I think we're the only ones who did alright. All the others are in bits and pieces. There's one team with only the recorder still living… and he sits, cross-legged in the sand, and cries. I feel bad for him… he doesn't look like a weakling or anything, so it must've been bad for it to do that to him.

I guess that something like seven people have died here… including Shena, which makes the numbers of Al Bhed down to two. I saw Meru across the sand a few hours ago, right after I woke up… I hope I didn't say anything drunkenly idiotic. It's likely. With the look he gave me, though, he confirmed that Shena has been swallowed by the sands. I dropped some water on the Crown of Thorns growing beside this cave, in Shena's name. Bikanel is a harsh mistress, and she'll take anyone she can get whether they're weak or strong. My team, though, did really well… I have to think I'm a little surprised, but not so much. Noojster taught us well.

Noojster. I can see kinda how we must disgrace him. He was some sort of commander of the Crusaders, I heard. And now, here he is with us… but hey, we didn't do too badly, and I think we'd all be dead if it hadn't been for him.

It makes me want to help him as much as I can. I know it's gotta be painful to have those limbs of his. It can't be comfortable, anyway, no matter what I do to make them lighter and move better. There's only so much I can do… but maybe someone else can do something.

I wonder if Lai has any of his magic herbs that could do anything for Nooj. I mean… I tried to tell him briefly about the honor Nooj essentially sacrificed for him in the duel, but Lai's not talking about the incident. It's like he just wants to forget it all happened… even though he keeps getting called in by the Maesters to be questioned. I don't think he likes lying to them, regardless of how well he seems to be doing it. Chyga. But maybe if I talk to him about something else about Nooj, I can slip it in. Lai's smart enough to make his own connections like that. He'll get it.

Yeah, I'm gonna do that. I mean, we're gonna be up and moving again soon… and there'll probably be another boat ride. Noojster could seriously use something to help with the caycelghacc. Why not something to help with what pain he's probably feeling?

I owe the guy my life. I know that, being Taydrcaagan, he probably doesn't want to hear it; but maybe I can do something for him, at least, even if it's through someone else. Besides, I know Lai's been saying he still feels like he needs to prove his worth to Nooj… I'm a baylasygan, right? This'll help.

…or maybe I'm still drunk.