Part Seventeen

197S9.9.24

Ahahahahahah! Go figure. Here we are back on Mushroom Rock Road. Man, hearing Noojster curse like the sailor he isn't was just about the most educational experience in Spiran I've had since I started learning it. Yeah, I'm fluent and I don't think many people can really tell it's not native, but I definitely had to dig out the little pocket Spiran dictionary that I haven't had to use since I got here. Man, those were some creative words for pufamc. I'll have to remember them!

Yeah, so we all disembarked in a hurry – and they actually searched us this time. I guess they did it to make sure no one stole any more uniforms. I put the one I had back… it's not like I ever wanted it in the first place. I don't know why anyone would willingly steal one of those anyway.

Last night, before Baralai came and joined me in my little cubbyhole, I managed to nearly get the knife finished. It's kind of hard to work on that in plain view, since it could be thought of as a weapon and I'm sure the Maesters would take it away from me if they found it. But it's almost done, I just need to do a little bit of final work on the handle. The blade's in beautiful shape. I can't believe I managed to get it that sharp with this auxiliary tooth I had left over, but that's something to remember for the future. Maybe the different hardness of the second one worked better with the blade. I don't know, but it worked, and I'm going to remember it.

Not like I'm ever going to make another chrysknife again, but you never know.

Now, I think, I'm going to try to finish it while the others are distributing supplies. I'll tell them I'm off to catch dinner… it doesn't take very long to grab a fellant at all, but they don't need to know that.

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Why do they rush us only to make us wait? What is this garbage? What are we even waiting for?

Noojster admonished me for asking so many questions. I think he gets sick of me sometimes. But then he turned around and actually asked for a lubricant replacement, which I of course agreed to. I didn't get nearly as much time to do any of this while we were training, and I probably won't in the future, so I might as well take my time and do it carefully.

Of course, before that, we're going to head down to the old road and try to figure out if the place we all hung out before is still there.

Lai told me last night that he was worried it would be the last night we could spend together. I tried not to let it bother me, but I guess it still did. I mean… well, whatever. I admitted it to myself last night when I woke up and saw the ocean and the moon and, most of all, Baralai… yeah. I'm attached to him. I really am, and it's not just because I like vilgehk him. It doesn't make sense and it probably really shouldn't be this way, but I think he's… pamujat. What's that in Spiran…? Beloved.

Beloved.

Cred. Didn't I swear several years ago that this wasn't going to happen? Okay, so maybe it hasn't been several years, but it sure feels like it. Am I really still sixteen years old? I feel like I'm thirty. These past few days… this whole Crimson Squad training thing, actually, it's all made me feel old.

That sucks.

I guess I know it's true, though. Pamujat. I can tell every time we wrestle and he doesn't hurt me, when I don't actually fight him but it's just an excuse to tangle our limbs with each other's, to touch and tumble across the grass (or dirt, as the case was today) like we aren't about to face a life-threatening situation tomorrow.

At least we have one more night together before going into the final bit of training. I don't know what they plan on making us do here, but it can't be all that bad. What is there to threaten us here?

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Noojster's sure acting funny. He kept wandering around in this weird daze with… yeah, I don't believe it, but a smile on his face. What's up with that?

But anyway, we went down to the old shooting range I set up all those… well, days ago. It feels like years. But it was still there, and we all shot a few rounds. It really wasn't anything spectacular, aside from Paine not loading her machina properly and having it kick violently on her and knock her on her back. Ahahah. It was funny, yeah. We all laughed… well, except Noojster, who just stared and smiled. Creepy.

I taught Lai a little bit about cooking tonight. He applied some crushed plant he had found to the skin of the fellant and made it taste really salty. Of course, that's like a private thing now… when I said it tasted salty, he just looked at me and said 'like the sea'.

Yeah, that's what he said to me last night, that I taste like the sea. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but when he said it, I could hardly believe he had any sort of malicious intent. Lai never does… at least, not to me. I believe that he could easily manipulate other people if he felt like it, but he's always been mostly truthful to me.

The fellant had some really little, fine, sharp teeth. Lai's gonna go off and take a bath in the pool before night completely falls – I did that the first thing today, when we got here – and while he's gone, I think I might finish my project here. He always takes a long time, anyway.

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Cruudehk cdyn is what it says. Oddly, the name carved on the handle looks more like a decorative inscription if anything. I wrote it in Al Bhed, but using Spiran-style lettering. It all looked so curvy and swirly that it really just looked like random designs. I wonder if Lai'll ever figure out that it actually says something.

Yeah… he came back from his bath earlier than I thought, or maybe I lost track of time. Either way, he caught me as I was finishing the last bit and brushing the chips off. I guess it could've been a lot more of a formal thing, but when he asked me what it was, I just told him it was a gift for him.

To which he blushed. I love it when Lai blushes.

I had an old leather sheath that went with a knife that's now embedded in the dead corpse of one of those sandragora in Bikanel somewhere, and it fit the new chrysknife pretty well since it was big enough to accommodate the curve of the blade, so I put them together and handed it to Lai. He acted like he didn't know what to do with it.

I guess he's never seen a blade like that before. It's a lot different from the steel blades he's probably accustomed to, and a lot lighter. Plus, it's milky white and slightly curved, because it's a tooth. I told him what it was from, and he just looked at me with this reverent awe expression that he gets sometimes when he looks at Nooj.

I told him to stop it. That freaks me out.

Anyway, he drew the blade to look at it, and immediately cut himself with it. There is an old legend, sorta, that says that once a chrysknife is drawn that it must taste blood before it can be sheathed. I never believed that – it's an old tale, and I never cut myself with mine – but it was almost weird how it happened. It just sliced Lai's thumb right open, leaving a trail of blood along the edge of the blade, and the knife just kinda soaked it up in the way that chrysknives do sometimes, depending on how old or young the sandworm it comes from was.

I don't know what made me do it – probably the same thing that made me take Noojster's hand after disposing of those syacdanbecdumc – but I just reached forward and cut my own thumb along the edge of his blade. I left a trail of my own blood, along the line where Lai's was.

After a few moments of just staring at it, Lai asked me the weirdest question. I can still hear it in my mind, exactly the way he said it. "Aren't I just a," and then he stumbled on the word, hesitating, "battle boy to you?"

I can't believe he still thought that. I mean… did I treat him that way? I didn't think I did. He's even older than me… someone can't be a 'battle boy' if they're older. Or bigger, for that matter.

But, then again, I can't even really fault him for it. I tried my hardest to keep him as that in my own mind, too.

I told him he wasn't. His eyes glinted hopefully at me, but there were really no words. I couldn't say it. I just… couldn't. I was scared. I'll admit that… I was so scared. I don't know of what, exactly… that someone would hear, that it would insult him, that he would reject me, or… that he would say he felt the same way. I don't know what scared me more.

But… somehow, I think he understood. Even if I couldn't say it, I think he got it. That's all that matters to me.