CHAPTER THREE: AMENDS

I'll probably burn in hell for saying this
But I'm really in heaven whenever we kiss
But not me, I'm not like that
I wouldn't sacrifice anything at all for love
-D.M.-

The door to the Slytherin bathroom was slammed shut with such force that echoes were sent rolling down the halls. Draco made sure it was properly locked and sank down to the floor, palms pressing against his temples.
It was over. He was done with.
He had kissed Neville, Neville of all people, and liked it!
His father was going to kill him if Draco didn't jump out of a window first and Snape had witnessed it and Neville, Neville had...
Draco struggled to regain his breath, tried with all his might to get himself together. He was supposed to be cold and calculating, never showing weakness in public. He was a Slytherin, a Malfoy and Malfoys was not making out with Longbottoms in school libraries! He had to get a hold of himself. What would his father have done in this situation?
Probably never kissed Neville in the first place, Draco thought bitterly. But Lucius would have told him to first take care of the leaks.
The leaks.
Snape was the leak, not an easy one to mend. And Neville had obviously been there.
Oh no.
The terrifying sight of how Neville ran straight to his Gryffindor comrades with the news played before his inner eye. I have to talk to you, Harry! Draco, he acted all weird and wait until you hear this! He's gay...
But he wasn't gay, was he? And even if he was, Neville had actually kissed him back, Neville had wanted it...
Back on track. He definately wasn't gay, so then it must mean that he had merely played with Neville. Yes. Just another way of bullying the frightened little Gryffindor. Right.
It didn't mean anything. It couldn't.
But his mind drifted reluctantly to the Gryffindor he had just kissed, imagining the torment of still being caught in the library with Snape. He could still feel the taste of the kiss on his tounge, his cheeks burning with that strange sensation, as if he was drugged. If Neville felt even half the things he did, Snape's gaze must be unbearable...
Was this going to be brought up on the next staff meeting? He could see Professor McGonagall reproach Snape for the incident. Keep your Slytherins under control, professor Snape! Now there will have to be a meeting, with the legal guardians of the students present...
His dad. Snape. Lucius liked Snape. Snape was in their home sometimes, dining with them and Snape was a death eater, just like Draco's father. They were confident with each other. Snape would tell his father, all for his own sake. Good little death eaters-to-be couldn't display such unruly behaviour. Draco had to prevent Snape from telling his father. And he had to do it now! His heart raced like madly, imagining that Snape might already be writing to his father, sending an owl tonight! There was no time to lose. Draco burst out of the bathroom, almost colliding with two frightened first year Slytherins.
"Watch where you're going!" he snarled, leaving the poor boys piping out their excuses behind him.

Draco stood waiting by the door down to the dungeons when Snape appeared, finished dealing with Neville. Snape looked tired seeing Draco by the door, but Draco couldn't wait.
"Professor, we have to talk!" he blurted out, way too fast.
Snape calmly unlocked the door to his office, with the same face he had made towards Dumbledore when having to deal with Draco's detention.
"Very well, Mr Malfoy. Enter."
"Thank you, professor." Snape went directly to his desk, obviously wishing to be rid of this as soon as possible. Couldn't he see the seriousness of the situation!?
"Sit down." Snape gestured impatiently at the chair on the other side of his desk and Draco quickly slipped into it, while Snape started to browse through a heap of papers in front of him. Draco cleared his throat, feeling the pressure of getting this right the first time. Snape was way too sharp for Draco's own good.
"It's not what it looks like, professor."
Snape glared at him over the desk, his eyes saying: Do you think I'm stupid? But he remained quiet and Draco felt an absolute urge to fill the silence.
"You see, I was...Neville came in to taunt me about the detention and I...wanted to scare him so I...went really close and then I happened to stumble into the shelf..."
Snape rolled his eyes.
"...and our lips just happened to touch..."
"Mr Malfoy!"
"Yes, professor?" Draco did his best to look very innocent and wrongly accused.
"Get a hold of yourself." Snape held a parchment out for him. "Take this with you as the Slytherin prefect on your way upstairs. It contains the names of the first years..."
Draco couldn't believe his ears. He stared at Snape, his face turning almost as white as Neville's had been. Some vital defence mechanism within him burst.
"But professor, this is about life and death!"
Snape's impatience only seemed to grow. He put down the parchment in front of Draco, leaning forward to lock eyes with his student.
"No, Mr Malfoy. This is about you and Mr Longbottom."
"But...no, there's nothing between us, it was a mistake, I...didn't mean to."
"Indeed."
Draco felt as if he would crack under the heavy gaze of his potion's master. He suddenly understood why Snape often had been leading interrogations with prisoners amongst the death eaters. He couldn't help wondering if Snape had been present when Neville's parents were tortured.
"I'm ready to make up for this!" Draco said, his voice thickening with despair. "I'll do anything, if we could just keep this between us, not involving my father needlessly..."
Snape eyed him knowingly. For one mad moment, Draco thought he saw pity in his teacher's eyes. Then Snape spoke slowly and clearly.
"I do not wish to concern myself with you, Mr Longbottom or your sexual preferences." Draco's face went red.
"But..."
"However." Snape continued in a more dangerous voice. "This means not having to catch you in the act again, displaying your...taste in front of the entire school."
"B-but..." Draco thought he'd finally grasped the meaning of the expression 'dying of shame'.
"I expect you to complete my detentions into perfection. All other activities outside your school duties are strictly your own business, not mine."
"Yes, professor." Draco breathed, swallowing hard.
"Since you failed to complete the simple task I gave you, we'll see each other tomorrow night, six o clock sharp at this very spot. There is no excuse to be late. Do I make myself clear?" "Yes, professor Snape."
But Draco wasn't entirely sure that the message about his father had gone through. When Snape made a gesture towards the door, dismissing him, Draco remained sitting, as if his departure would have meant his death. Snape managed to pick up his quill and dip it in a small bottle of ink before he noticed and came to a halt.
"Yes, Mr Malfoy?"
Snape's entire being was now a living warning signal.
"Forgive me professor, but...my father. He will not find out, will he?"
"That, Mr Malfoy, I leave entirely in your hands."

Still, Draco's walk back to the Slytherin dormitory resembled a funeral march. Crabbe and Goyle hurried to meet him and a crowd of Slytherins waited inside to hear the snide Malfoy version of the meeting at Dumbledore's office. But all inspiration had gone out of Draco's system. He felt feverish and out of balance. After facing Snape with this nightmare, the next person to face would be himself. Managing to escape his central role of the evening by promising a good story the following night, he dived for shelter into his bed. It was easy enough blaming the Potter Freak Accident for calling it a night this early.

But sleep just wouldn't come. There in the blessed darkness and silence of the room, he had a chance to drop his guard and think. The knots in his stomach around Neville since the fourth year, obsessing about everything about Neville, turning it into merciless harassment.
No. I am not weak.
But he closed his eyes and the scene at the station repeated itself, bringing a painful reality with it. For the first time in his life, Draco became aware of a thin line between his father's will and his own. What if he had gone too far?
Wrong. It is war. The Longbottoms chose sides and must face the consequences.
Yes. That's how it was. He had done this thing with Neville only to put him into place, to demonstrate his superiority.
Because Neville was weak and the Malfoys did not approve of weakness.
Relieved at this conclusion he finally drifted off to sleep, haunted by most disturbing dreams.