A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating. My step-son/sci-fi buddy had to go back to his mom's this week for school to start, and I've missed the little guy too much to write funny SG-1 stories. Anyway, for those keeping a tally, there's one more flashback and then the resolution of their current situation on the menu, so I'll get those going ASAP. Thanks, all!

Ch 4: Oh, what a tangled web we weave

"Not that I'm not enjoying all this reminiscing, but we do have a current situation we might want to think about trying to get out of," Jack pointed out, jerking lightly at his own bound wrists, which made everyone else's jerk as well.

"How exactly do you propose we do that, Jack?" Daniel asked.

"I don't know… any brilliant ideas yet, Carter?"

Carter rolled her eyes. Why was it always her? "We could… get up and check the door, I suppose. Give that suspiciously technological-looking keypad over by the door to this otherwise nondescript, primitive-looking holding cell a try… But I'm guessing it'll be more trouble than it's worth."

"At least we would be doing something," Jack muttered. "Okay, everyone plant their feet, group field trip fifteen feet to the door, on three. One, two, three…"

SG-1 staggered to their feet, shoving into each other's backs for support. "Okay, let's go right…" Jack ordered. Everyone moved to his or her own right, which meant that they ended up struggling against each other in a clumsy circle and quickly falling. Unfortunately, they all fell in an awkwardly-bound pile on top of their intrepid CO.

"Guys, get the hell offa me!" Jack yelled.

"We're trying, sir!"

"Great directions, Jack… really brilliant."

"Yeah, well, how was I supposed to know this would be one of those rare times that you'd all three follow my orders explicitly and immediately?" he grumbled. "Teal'c, come on, can't you get your elbow out of my spine?"

"I am endeavoring to do so, O'Neill."

After much struggling and cursing, they were back in their original positions, about five feet closer to the door than they had been, now sporting fresh scrapes and bruises from their awkward tumble.

"Any more clever ideas?" Jack asked them collectively. This time nobody bothered to answer.

"We appear to be bound even more efficiently than the time O'Neill and I were hoisted into the tree on P9R395," Teal'c commented.

"Ya think?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, Teal'c, weren't you going to tell us exactly what happened before we found you guys?" Carter reminded.

"Indeed."

"Teal'c, nobody wants to hear that story…" Jack started.

"Yes we do," both scientists chorused.

"Very well," Teal'c said, ignoring further mutterings from O'Neill as he began recalling the time only he and O'Neill had been 'compromised.'

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Earlier that year, P9R395

I stepped through the stargate slightly behind the rest of my team, in the usual configuration when we do not expect to be met with hostility but are being cautious nevertheless. O'Neill went first, followed almost immediately by Major Carter, then Daniel Jackson, and lastly myself. O'Neill has always preferred to surround the youngest members of SG-1 whenever possible by positioning ourselves on opposite sides of our group.

I am also fairly certain that he simply likes to be the first person to set foot on a new planet.

Our mission was to P9R395 was to be a simple one, although that of course did not automatically mean that it would be uneventful. The inhabitants of this world are nomadic hunters and gatherers, and had been more than usually surprised when they first encountered an SG team.

Once they understood that SG-11 was there to conduct a mineral survey, they only requested that the survey be postponed until they had moved on to a new location, as the large human presence and noise that a mineral survey entails would undoubtedly make hunting difficult.

Now, the nomads were gone, as was SG-11, already established on another long-term project off-world. General Hammond assigned SG-1 to make certain the area was secure before sending in a civilian-led research team.

O'Neill paired himself with Daniel Jackson for a box-scan of the area, leaving me to walk with Major Carter, who had been very excited with the potential findings of this trip and was overcompensating for her scientific enthusiasm by being an equally enthusiastic soldier as we conducted our initial scans. Several times her attention was diverted momentarily to various plants, rocks, and differently-colored dirt, but she always immediately redoubled her attentions to her current duties, often increasing her pace as well.

This is not unusual, nor is finishing a survey with Major Carter well before Daniel Jackson and O'Neill finish theirs.

Once SG-1 was together again at the clearing the SGC had already determined would be the best place to build a base camp, things progressed as usual. I supervised, keeping an eye on the tree-line for any unforeseen threats. Daniel Jackson and Major Carter began setting up their equipment. O'Neill 'helped,' for a time at least, carrying supplies from the MALP and doing a few miscellaneous tasks, but it was not long before he had helped all he could.

He then began to get bored and took to irritating the rest of us under the guise of further offers of assistance. Daniel Jackson and Major Carter bore his antics patiently, knowing that he would soon be ready for a change of scenery.

As the rest of us had all been expecting, after almost one and a half hours he approached me and said, "Let's do a little exploring and… securing of the area."

I tilted my head patiently to show my acquiescence. I was more than ready for a walk as well. "Carter, Daniel, radio every ten, eyes and ears open."

"Yes, sir," Major Carter responded immediately, although to all outward appearances she was as absorbed in her studies as Daniel Jackson, who had yet to respond or react to anything O'Neill had said.

"Daniel!"

"What?"

"Teal'c and I are going to do another sweep - don't do anything dumb."

"Jaaack…"

"Daniel."

"Fine."

"Thank you."

O'Neill exchanged a brief and familiar look with Major Carter that has become merely a formality for many years. It is perhaps not fair of O'Neill to demand that his 2IC do her job, keep watch, and make sure Daniel Jackson does not come to harm, but these are all tasks she took upon herself in the beginning anyway.

We left Major Carter and Daniel Jackson to their work and walked in silence for almost two kilometers. I was waiting for O'Neill to begin small-talking, and was not surprised when he did.

"So, T… seen any good movies lately?"

"I recently watched the 'Indiana Jones' trilogy with Daniel Jackson and Doctor and Cassandra Fraiser."

"Why wasn't I invited to the party?"

"You were fishing, O'Neill."

"Oh. Right. Well… did you like it?"

"Not as much as Star Wars, but it was still very enjoyable."

"Good."

We walked in companionable silence for several more minutes, then O'Neill spoke again. "So… catch the hockey game last Friday?"

"I did not."

"Too bad. It was a good one."

"I am sure it was."

This was the end of our conversation, as our feet were immediately swept out from beneath us and we were hoisted approximately twenty-five feet into the air in an inverted state.

After letting out an inarticulate sound and swearing loudly, O'Neill calmed himself and stated, "Well, this is a surprise."

"It would appear that the indigenous people of this world forgot one of their trapping nets, O'Neill."

"Ya think? Hey, do you still have your radio? I ah… I dropped mine."

"I have mine, O'Neill, but it will require some maneuvering to reach it."

While I struggled around the coarse, heavy netting to access the radio strapped to my own shoulder, O'Neill offered suggestions that were of little value.

"O'Neill," I finally said.

"Right. Sorry. I'll just… hang here."

"Very well."

I finally accessed my radio and contacted Major Carter. After giving them directions to our location, we had little to do but wait for them to find us. O'Neill, however, was moving quite a bit, making our whole contraption swing and sway dangerously.

"O'Neill, what is it you are trying to accomplish?"

"Trying to reach my knife to cut us loose, T, what do you think?"

"I do not think that is wise, O'Neill. We have found ourselves in much the same position as Chewbacca, Han Solo and…"

"Teal'c, I really don't need Trekkie rhetoric at the moment, okay? All the blood's rushing to my head and…"

"Trekkies are fans of Star Trek, O'Neill. I was speaking of Star Wars. Return of the Jedi to be precise…"

Major Carter and Daniel Jackson's loud approach halted our conversation. "COLONEL! TEAL'C!"

"Major Carter! We are here!"

Upon reaching us, both craned their necks to look up at us with similar expressions of surprise, concern, and mild amusement.

"At least it wasn't all of us this time," Daniel Jackson commented finally.

"Oh shut up and cut us loose," O'Neill ordered.

Major Carter was already examining the nearby trees for the lever mechanism to lower us. Finding none immediately, she was interrupted by General Hammond's attempts to contact us over the radio. The MALP was undoubtedly relaying the radio transmission from the active gate.

"Colonel O'Neill, you've missed your scheduled radio contact, please respond. Over."

"General Hammond, sir, Carter here. We're all… fine, sir. Just… hit a bit of a… a snag."

"Define 'snag,' Major."

"Well, sir…"

Daniel Jackson took over. "Teal'c and Jack are well… hung, General."

Static was the only response for several seconds. Major Carter shrugged in answer to Daniel Jackson's questioning look.

"Ohfercryinoutloud, Daniel, think about how that probably just sounded!"

"What? All I said was that you were… OH!"

Major Carter suddenly disappeared into the nearest clump of trees snickering to herself but ostensibly continuing her efforts to free us.

"That came out wrong, General, it's not what it sounds like, see, Jack and Teal'c have apparently… been caught in one of the trapping nets that was apparently left behind by the nomadic tribe we encountered earlier…" Daniel Jackson began explaining rapidly.

"I'm sick of all this!" O'Neill suddenly declared. Amid loud objections from the rest of us, he began hacking away at the netting binding us with the knife usually kept on his belt.

I barely had time to grab the net as he succeeded and we were cut free. While I hung many feet above the ground, O'Neill was not so fortunate. He plunged towards the ground, but his fall was broken. Unfortunately, it was broken by Daniel Jackson, who was, as they say, 'in the wrong place at the wrong time.'

General Hammond, over the radio, was demanding an update on our condition. With both hands clinging to the netting, I was unable to respond, and Major Carter was too busy assessing the injuries of O'Neill and Daniel Jackson.

After many moments of confusion, O'Neill grabbed the radio off of Major Carter's vest and took it upon himself to being explaining the situation to General Hammond. He was forced to speak very loudly, as Daniel Jackson was objecting with alarming volume to Major Carter's attempts to stop the bleeding wound to his temple.

After making certain that none of my team members were beneath me, I dropped to the ground lightly, landing on my feet and bending my knees properly to prevent injury. I then began assisting O'Neill, despite his efforts to bat my hands away. I could not resist telling him, "If you had let me finish my illustration, O'Neill, perhaps you would not have tried such an unwise course of action. R2D2 made a similar mistake."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Prison floor, present day.

"There's really not much to tell. We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time," Jack said defensively.

"You weren't the only one," Daniel muttered. "And I'm still not convinced you weren't aiming for me to break your fall, Jack."

"You're giving me way too much credit there, Spacemonkey. Although if I could have, maybe I would have… anyway, it was kind of fun hearing everyone argue about how to settle up their bets when we all came back."

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed. "No one had predicted that only O'Neill and I would be captured."

"And technically you weren't really captured… I mean that implies that it was deliberate, and it was just an accident that time."

"An accident that left me with two cracked ribs and eleven stitches in my head thanks to Jack 'the brick' O'Neill landing on top of me," Daniel complained.

"Oh get over it already, Daniel, it's been a month and a half," Jack muttered.

"Daniel, sir, look… the point is that all that… accident… did was make everyone even more interested than ever in our bad run of luck off-world. Now, maybe the mental picture of the Colonel falling so gracefully out of a net and landing smack-dab on top of Daniel kept everyone amused for a while, but if we manage to get out of our current predicament, things are going to be even more humiliating than ever before!"

She knew she'd regret saying it the moment it was out of her mouth. Sure enough, her CO's immediate response made her blush with the memory it evoked.

"Oh, I don't know about that, Carter. Just last week you said you'd never been more embarrassed in your life."