DISCLAIMER

All characters from the Blackadder series belong to Rowan Atkinson, Ben Elton and Richard Curtis. (I'm just borrowing them...)

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General Games

(set during Blackadder Goes Forth)

(dug-out, inside, day; Baldrick is singing some unrecognizable song, while George listens carefully and Blackadder looks nausiated, holding a bucket under his chin; Baldrick finishes his song.)

Baldrick:

"The end."

George:

"Oh, bravo, yes! I say, Balders, you haven't half got talent, have you just!"

Baldrick:

"Thank you, Lieutenant!"

George:

"Brilliant."

Blackadder:

"You're right there, I must agree, George. He hasn't half got talent, and I'lleven go as far as to say he hasn't even got a quarter of it. Private Baldrick has about as much talent for singing as an overaged slug has it for tap-dancing."

George:

"Well, wasn't that a bit of a harsh conlusion, Cap?"

Blackadder:

"It probably was, George, but don't get me wrong. You see, when I mentioned the slug, of course I meant a slug that owns a pair of first-class tap-dancing shoes, sparkly and all."

Baldrick:

"Awww, thank you, Captain B! That ain't half nice of you!"

Blackadder:

"Yes, let's not carry on with all these halves, shall we, or the ones with the less mathematic of skills among us might get confused."

George:

"Eh?"

Blackadder:

"And there you have it."

George:

"But anyway, sir, shall I now amuse you with one of my marvellous conjuring tricks?"

Blackadder:

(looking nausiated again) "Oh, please…"

Baldrick:

(enthusiastically) "…do!"

Blackadder:

"Did I ask you anything, mousebrain?"

Baldrick:

"Eh?"

Blackadder:

"Oh, never mind, just get on with it…"

George:

"Erm, yes, well, erm… I need a few things to do it with, obviously."

Blackadder:

(under his breath) "Don't we all…"

Baldrick:

"Things like what, Lieutenant? 'Cause I've lots lots of things in my pockets. You know, things I found lying about in the trench…"

George:

"Oh, splendid, yes! Well, what have you got in your pockets, Balders?"

(Baldrick starts rummaging around in his trouserpockets, revealing…a dead rat.)

Baldrick:

"Well, we've got this to begin with."

Blackadder:

"How about having this to end with as well?"

Baldrick:

"Alright with me, Captain B, if Lieutenant George can use it for his conjuring trick, that is."

George:

"Erm, yes, alright, yes… Erm, could you pass me the rat, Balders?"

Baldrick:

"Here you are, sir."

(Baldrick holds out the rat, but drops it just before George can grab it. It hits the floor.)

George:

"Whoops!"

(Baldrick applauds.)

Blackadder:

"What are you applauding for, you imbecile?"

Baldrick:

"For Lieutenant George's brilliant trick, sir. It was terrific!"

George:

"No, that wasn't actually the trick, Balders. Just missed it, actually…"

(George points at the rat on the floor.)

Baldrick:

"Did I, sir? Awww, could you do it again?"

Blackadder:

"Baldrick, he means he missed the rat! It fell on the floor, you dropped it, there!"

Baldrick:

"Ah."

Blackadder:

(sarcastically) "Maybe you should try to throw it at him…"

(Baldrick picks up the rat.)

Baldrick:

"Here it comes, sir!"

(Baldrick throws the rat across the dug-out, George dodges; it flies out into no-man's land.)

Baldrick:

"Oh, no!"

(Baldrick runs after the rat, out into the trench; the rat hits him on the head, filled with a couple of hundreds of German bullets; Blackadder and George arrive outside as well.)

George:

"Erm…tadááá!"

Blackadder:

(contently) "Marvellous."

THE END